Afterlife

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Chapter one- The enterance

The trees incased the small girl, and the voices continued to fill her head, with lies and total uncertainty. Morgana Come . She felt the blinding whiteness blur with the soft green trees into the crisp afternoon, with a threat of falling into the sea of demons that chuckled menially into the distance. Morgana walked on a thin spool of string, and the sea rose, nearly touching the soles of her polished Mary Janes.
Her mind was twisted, and torn, and fear corroded her normal thinking process, leaving her only to run in place, watching as the repetitive background repeated itself over and over. Mindless, and motherless, the child stumbled as she saw the wet sod. She lie there sobbing, her hot salty tears caressing her face, and the wind was sucked out from her lungs. Morgana
CWhat, what do you want from me?! She choked. This was all too much for a lone eleven-year-old girl to handle. Ever since her mother left her in the forest to fend for herself, been hearing things. Seeing things. The black figures in the distance longed for her presence, though she still denied it.
The young girl placed her warm little hands over her eyes, as her world became cloaked in a fine black linen.
But in time, Morgana world became cold, and light. She spread her fingers to unveil her eyes, and the black things were gone "Hello?" She called out, and no one replied. She walked for a short time, her skin was raised, and her breath shown. Everything was white. As she walked, Morgana finally had time to think- serious time.
Her mother had just dumped her in a tree house in the middle of the woods for what reason exactly? She pondered all of the possibilities, and she bumped an invisible wall. %u201CUgh,%u201D She was stunned, and crawled backwards. She stood again, felling along the wall. It was cold and as white as the rest of this world. The girl%u2019s eyes were bloodshot, and her breathing picked up. %u2013But no heart beat. Screaming, she choked, and stopped. %u201CWhat%u2019s going on %u2026?%u201D She thought to herself. I don%u2019t recall waking this morning, and anything between me and running accosted the string.
Morgana decided it was best to calm herself, and just breathe. After all, she decided it was only a dream. Besides, none of this happens in real life. She decided to just leave it as is, and sit there and wait. Time passed, and she grew bored. She longed for a companion, although she was lifetimes from any human or animal life. She stood, and before her appeared a silver and gold lined-mirror. Morgana %u2026 It whispered to her.


%u201CYes?%u201D She asked, looking in.

There was a short pause.

What is your %u2026 greatest desire?

She thought for a second, but then she decided this was only a dream. %u201CI want to leave this stupid dream. -To wake up.
I%u2019m bored.%u201D

Poor Morgana %u2026 Another %u2026 wish?

%u201COkay %u2026 I want to know where I am.%u201D

Good choice %u2026 Yet so %u2026 Useless. I would think %u2026 You humans were smarter. The mirror said. But if you must %u2026 It%u2019s quite easy to answer you see %u2026 Your dead.

Morgana laughed heartily, thinking of how strange her subconscious was. %u201CI%u2019m dreaming.%u201D She said as though he were an old friend.

I%u2019m afraid not, Said the mirror empathetically. You do not remember this, but your mother had you killed quite some time ago. Time is so slow here %u2026 You could have been here life times ago.

%u201CThat%u2019s impossible,%u201D Morgana challenged. %u201CMy mother would never kill me. She loved me.%u201D
I%u2019m so sorry %u2026

She turned her back to the mirror, and twisted her hair with her left index finger, and denied everything he just said. It can%u2019t be true, she thought. With her head hanging, and hands in her pockets, she walked along the perimeters of the vast white cube.
Like any young girl, adventure was what she did seek. Stopping In her tracks, she retraced her steps back to the old worn mirror. %u201CDo you know what my greatest desire is?%u201D Said the girl.
The mirror paused.
%u201CI want a great adventure! While I%u2019m here I might as well have a little fun.%u201D

Ah good choice. The mirror went on about fantasy, science fiction and many other lands she could visit. Deciding was hard, and so she just said what was first to come to mind.

%u201CI want an adventure where I am the heroine, and I have to battle villains.%u201D
The mirror chuckled, and Morgana blinked. The world around her disappeared, into a whirl of color. The place was marvelous yet terrifying, all at the same time.




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Hey sorry about the &*^%& things I couldnt get them off.




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ManicPurple wrote:Chapter one- The enterance entrance

The trees incased encased the small girl, and the voices continued to fill her head, with lies and total uncertainty. Morgana consider putting a period/full stop after the Morgana to complete the effect Come . She felt the blinding whiteness blur with the soft green trees into the crisp afternoon, with a threat of falling into the sea of demons that chuckled menially into the distance. Morgana walked on a thin spool of string, and the sea rose, nearly touching the soles of her polished Mary Janes.
Her mind was twisted, and torn, and fear corroded her normal thinking process, leaving her only to run in place, watching as the repetitive background repeated itself over and over. Mindless, and motherless, the child stumbled as she saw the wet sod. She lie lay there sobbing, her hot salty tears caressing her face, and the wind was sucked out from her lungs. Morgana. I would take out the word repetitive as you say the word repeated almost immediately after, it doesn't flow very well.
What, what do you want from me?! She choked. This was all too much for a lone eleven-year-old girl to handle. Ever since her mother left her in the forest to fend for herself, she'd been hearing things. Seeing things. The black figures in the distance longed for her presence, though she still denied it. Do you mean denied "them"? The way it is phrased seems as though she is denying that they long for her.
The young girl placed her warm little hands over her eyes, as her world became cloaked in a fine black linen.
But in time, Morgana world became cold, and light. She spread her fingers to unveil her eyes, and the black things were gone "Hello?" She called out, and no one replied. She walked for a short time, her skin was raised, and her breath shown. Everything was white. As she walked, Morgana finally had time to think- serious time.
Her mother had just dumped her in a tree house in the middle of the woods for what reason exactly? She pondered all of the possibilities, and she bumped into an invisible wall. %u201CUgh,%u201D She was stunned, and crawled backwards. She stood again, felling along the wall. It was cold and as white ("as white" is at odds with the "invisible wall".) as the rest of this world. The girl%u2019s eyes were bloodshot, and her breathing picked up. %u2013But no heart beat. Screaming, she choked, and stopped. %u201CWhat%u2019s going on %u2026?%u201D She thought to herself. I don%u2019t recall waking this morning, and anything between me and running accosted the string. I don't understand the use of the word "accosted" here.
Morgana decided it was best to calm herself, and just breathe. After all, she decided it was only a dream. Besides, none of this happens in real life. She decided to just leave it as is, and sit there and wait. Time passed, and she grew bored. She longed for a companion, although she was lifetimes from any human or animal life. She stood, and before her appeared a silver and gold lined-mirror. Morgana %u2026 It whispered to her.


%u201CYes?%u201D She asked, looking in.

There was a short pause.

What is your %u2026 greatest desire?

She thought for a second, but then she decided this was only a dream. %u201CI want to leave this stupid dream. -To wake up.
I%u2019m bored.%u201D

Poor Morgana %u2026 Another %u2026 wish?

%u201COkay %u2026 I want to know where I am.%u201D

Good choice %u2026 Yet so %u2026 Useless. I would think %u2026 You humans were smarter. The mirror said. But if you must %u2026 It%u2019s quite easy to answer you see %u2026 Your dead.

Morgana laughed heartily, thinking of how strange her subconscious was. %u201CI%u2019m dreaming.%u201D She said as though he were an old friend.

I%u2019m afraid not, Said the mirror empathetically. You do not remember this, but your mother had you killed quite some time ago. Time is so slow here %u2026 You could have been here lifetimes ago.

%u201CThat%u2019s impossible,%u201D Morgana challenged. %u201CMy mother would never kill me. She loved me.%u201D
I%u2019m so sorry %u2026

She turned her back to the mirror, and twisted her hair with her left index finger, and denied everything he just said. It can%u2019t be true, she thought. With her head hanging, and hands in her pockets, she walked along the perimeters of the vast white cube.
Like any young girl, adventure was what she did seek. Stopping In her tracks, she retraced her steps back to the old worn mirror. %u201CDo you know what my greatest desire is?%u201D Said the girl.
The mirror paused.
%u201CI want a great adventure! While I%u2019m here I might as well have a little fun.%u201D

Ah good choice. The mirror went on about fantasy, science fiction and many other lands she could visit. Deciding was hard, and so she just said what was first to come to mind.

%u201CI want an adventure where I am the heroine, and I have to battle villains.%u201D
The mirror chuckled, and Morgana blinked. The world around her disappeared, into a whirl of color. The place was marvelous yet terrifying, all at the same time.


Definitely an interesting idea for a story, well written too. I'm guessing where the numbers and stuff pop up are either apostrophes, speech marks or italics. Can I also suggest putting the mirror's speech in speech marks or italics to make it more distinguishable?

I've just pointed out a few mistakes with spelling and word choices, hope I wasn't too harsh, but a very well done story!
He catches raindrops from his window
They remind him of how we fall
From the stars back to our cities
Where we've never felt so small

- White Lies (From the Stars)



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn