This is my first post on YWS, and my first time writing about a topic my English teacher didn't assign me. I'm a little late to the writing game, so feel free to pummel away at this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
“You’ve gotta take charge of the horse, man. Ride that pony into the sunset that is Susan’s life. Be her knight in shining armor. Be your knight in shining armor.”
Carlos’ advice must always be taken with a grain of salt. Or at least a pound’s worth. But what he was saying had some merit, even if I didn’t want to admit it at the time. How was I ever going to woo Susan without actually taking responsibility and going all out? Which at this stage was making eye contact. My relationships are all about the baby steps.
“Your point is valid,” I said. “So what’s my next move?”
“Well at this point, you need to slay the dragon.” My silence demanded an explanation.
“The dragon being your anxiety. Once you slay it, all you’ve gotta worry about is awakening the fair maiden with a kiss,” he said.
“Well, she tends to nod off a lot in Physics,” I said. “Is that when I make my move?”
Carlos shook his head in exasperation. Obviously I’d missed the Extended Nerd-Metaphor class he was taking. “I think it’d be better for you to talk to her first. Otherwise things could get lawsuity,” he said. “Keep in mind; women are not some extraterrestrial species that are beyond the scope of our comprehension. They’re just curvy, fashionable, emotionally needy versions of us.”
“And you have acquired this invaluable knowledge from the countless number of girlfriends you’ve had?” I said, eyebrow raised inquisitively.
“Are you kidding? I’ve never had a girlfriend,” he replied.
“I know. I was being facetious.”
“Oh. You just cursed my Self-Esteem Meter –2%,” he frowned. “And lower that eyebrow, lady-killer.”
Suddenly, Carlos’ eyebrows snapped to attention. I was about to condemn his mockery when I realized that his eyes were directed past my left shoulder and down the hallway.
“There’s something very bad behind me, isn’t there?”
“If you count a drop-dead gorgeous sixteen-year-old with the given name Susan a bad thing, then yes,” Carlos replied.
I turned to face my dragon—erm I mean princess, and Carlos unceremoniously shoved me forwards and into her path. I stood stalk-still until she arrived, and continued my statue imitation until she side-stepped around me. I caught her attention with a sort of throaty grunt sound and then pushed some words out of my mouth. I can’t for the life of me remember what they were, and it’s probably better that I can’t. Suffice it to say that I caught her attention.
“Hi,” she said.
“I have you in Physics,” I said. I tried staring deeply into her eyes, but then couldn’t decide which one I wanted to look into so I just ended up staring at her forehead. Deeply, however.
“That’s cool.” Susan was beginning to backpedal away from me, probably out of disgust at speaking to a boy without a letterman jacket. My stallion was beginning to stumble on its four left hooves.
“See you then,” I said, still trying to lobotomize her with my eyeballs.
“Right,” she called back. And with that word came the crashing finality of failure. She turned the corner of D building and was gone. My sleeping beauty just sleepwalked right out of my life.
Carlos began a slow-clap when I heard a voice behind say, “What is it with women, huh?”
I turned and saw That Girl From History Class. This was an unexpected, if not unwelcome, development.
“They always say they want someone funny and interesting, but they always end up laughing at what the stupid handsome guy says anyway,” she continued. “I mean you were the antithesis of funny and interesting right there, but I’ve seen you around.”
My eyes flickered back to Carlos who was pantomiming horse whinnies and sword swinging, and that’s when I made my decision. No more bouncing pick-up lines off of my friends at the lunch table. No more dating advice from Mr. Dungeons & Dragons Almanac. I was going all out, eloquence be damned.
“Will you go out with me?” And damned it was.
“Sure. When?”
“Today. Lunch.”
“Okay. Where?”
“I dunno. We’ll improvise.”
She smiled, and her face made me think of happiness and sunsets and then knights and dragons and then I cursed Carlos and his stupid metaphor as I smiled back. My horse was back on its feet and galloping.
Overall
