Glory Glory

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This is a creative writing assignment of mine. I wasn't really sure how to edit it or what to do with it. Constructive Critisism will buy you one imaginary cookie of any flavor!

For 20 years it stood tall and proud
Outside of my childhood home
Valiantly rippling and cracking in the breeze
Blood, tears, and innocence staining its face.
For 20 years it stood while neighbors tore at it
Trying to poke holes
But it never broke and we never doubted
It is now the 21st year since it broke into flight of its own accord
The tears have dried,
The blood is tainted,
And the white cloth of innocence has since been dirtied
As kids we believed that (like us) it was invincible, infallible
And yet, now it is a torn dust rag
Held high for all whom like a spectacle
But as I walk away from the ground
Beneath it where as a child I played
I look back in wonder
The fog of night gave way
In just enough time for me to realize
That it was still standing
Last edited by Andie on Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
David Herbert Lawrence




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Ooooh! Can i have a chocolote chip imaginary cookie?
You need a comma at the end of each line (unless it has a full stop).
I would use words instead of numbers and the word 'children' instead of 'kids'
Andie wrote:But as I walk away, from the ground

Why is there a comma here?

That's all I've got :) I feel a bit useless really!




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Ello :)

I rather enjoyed this. It made me think. I agree with IcyFlame, I would replace the numbers with words. It would flow better with the style of the rest of the poem. Sorry, that's all I have. I really did like it though.

Good job,
Amber
Life is short, so make the best of the time you have!



There is a difference between being poor and being broke: broke is temporary; poor is eternal.
— Robert Kiyosaki