To Take The Left Path (Prologue)

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 827
Reviews 45
Prologue


Blazing light fell down upon me, lashing my already-bloodied wings, forcing me down to Earth, forcing me to scream in agony as the others circled around, their eyes cold, their hearts still.

"I'm dead, brother!" I spat through clenched teeth. "You can't kill me twice!"

A shadow formed before me, eyes blazing red. "You know what you've done. You'll die a million times for that." He took hold of my wings, stopping my falling, and pulled me closer. "You deserve no pleasures, sister. None!"

"I'll always have flight, Blaze." I told him softly, my voice starting to fail. "You can't take my wings. Your soul will never rise."

"Watch me." He spat, digging his claws into my back. He raked them against my flesh, blood spurting everywhere, and grabbed the base of my wings. I felt him start to dig in, slowly, making me feel every prick, every agonizing movement he made before he ripped my wings off and sent me falling in a waterfall of reflected blood. I awaited the silence of the Nothing condemned to me.

__
_______________________________________________________________________________


It begins with the numbing cold, always lurking, always lingering, always ready to snatch the next soul within reach and smother it with the jagged claws of death. I can't remember the last time my eyes fell upon any form of light or substance. What I would give for a candle... just one, oh, God, just one candle, just one light....

You're always falling, but without the sensation. It's a little hard to explain, perhaps I can relate it to space. Cold, dark, unforgiving, just a big empty sky of nothingness where all you can do is drift and drift and drift, never changing course, never getting any closer to whatever destination awaits you at the end.

Welcome to the real Hell. No fire, no brimstone, only eternal damnation in what is known as the Abyss, the Nothing. Self-explanatory really, here there is nothing. No pain, no fear, no change... and yet, this is no utopia. Without pain, there is no thrill, no jolt to keep you going. Without fear, there is no relief, no joy at living and watching others live because there is no one else here, not a single soul.... And without change, there is no hope, no more wishing for the better, no more wondering, imagining, there is only nothing. I swear there's nothing, nothing more terrifying than Nothing itself.

I hate to admit this, but I suppose there is a reason for my being here... a rather large reason, really. I've tried to regret my decision, the one that landed me here, but I can't. My life was mine and mine alone, I hold responsibility to it and I have no regrets. What's the point of a regret anyway? I'll stand by my choices, I made them myself, after all, and I'm not about to go blaming anyone else or regretting any foolishness if it was all my own doing-

-But I digress. My past... I was remembering what brought me here....
Last edited by GoaGreena on Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:24 am, edited 2 times in total.
I dream by day.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1863
Reviews 33
GoaGreena,

Ahh, that was beautiful. Gorey - but beautiful. I loved it to death. (Pun not intended.)

Even though it's irrelevant to the review, I feel as if I should tell you something... One night I was dreaming and randomly got killed by a wolf. I entered this odd little place that was nearly exact in your description of Nothing. The only thing I could do was think. Perhaps that connects me to this story more, having experienced, albeit briefly, that feeling of literal nothingness.

The only thing I can really say was wrong grammatically was this:
GoaGreena wrote:Without fear, there is no relief, no joy at living and watching others live because there is no one else here, not a single soul....And without change, there is no hope, no more wishing for the better, no more wondering, imagining, there is only nothing.

Shouldn't there be a space somewhere? :)

Anywho, I can't wait to read more of this story - I'll definitely be on the lookout!

Keep up the amazing work!

~ Moonlight
Come visit the ReviewIn'!
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic75873.html

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 827
Reviews 45
Aye, the Nothingness... my worst fear, really, everything gone, being alone, no pain, no hope, no escape.... (Shudders)

Oh and I fixed the sentence. :) Now there's a space.
I dream by day.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 30278
Reviews 482
Hey GoaGreena, I'm Hawk and I'm here to review!

Okay, so this is an interesting start! I like that she's going to be telling her story and explaining how she's gotten here; sounds miserable, being in Nothingness.

One thing I'd like to see a little more of would be how she's feeling as her wings are getting torn off and she's being thrown into oblivion; I don't have a whole lot of insight into her thoughts and sensations, nor her reactions during that time.

My only other nitpick would be your dialogue punctuation: you've got periods instead of commas at the end of their dialogue and then you capitalize the words directly after the quotations. I'd like you to take a look at this link on dialogue punctuation and try to fix up some of those errors. Just makes it neater and more professional-looking, and will definitely come in handy later on in life.

That's really all I have to say; you've got a good start, with not much for me to nitpick on. Please let me know when you post more, I'd like to continue reading this story! And feel free to PM me if you've got any questions or whatnot. Cheers! (:
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 827
Reviews 45
Thanks for reading. I'll remember to fix my grammar.
I dream by day.



Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going.
— Christopher Darlington Morley