The grave of child

I stand the grave of Tina McKlur.
The type of girl who was just her.
She was openly gay
So the others decided she would pay
They were ignorant or maybe just bitchy
But either way she felt out of place, a little witchy
If she so much as looked at another girl
They would laugh with their friends and pretend to hurl
Life is easy when you, like them, just hide
But thats not what she did, she slowly died inside
She used to be proud of herself, but now she had little pride
She broke the news to her dad
He most certainly took it bad
He slapped her hard and told her she was wrong
But she still tried very hard to remain strong
She started eating less
Everyday an emotional mess
She felt lost and scared
So unprepared
Her fathers disapproval was shooting up a latter
Then he tried to convince her her life did not matter
She knew she should not listen, let it sink in, he had been taking drugs
But it felt like right now she could use a bunch of hugs
She needed to talk to a friend, she did not care who
But the fact is she had none, and no one was coming just out of the blue
She cired for help but nobody came
She thought prehaps she was to blame
So that night
She gave up the fight
She snuck out of her room
Did not know wether to feel relief or gloom
She pulled dug into her pocket and pulled out a knife
And right there and then she ended her life
As I stand by the grave of , tina this a suicidal teen
I think about the world, how can people be so mean...

I stand by the grave of Tina McKlur.
The type of girl who was just her.
She was openly gay
SoThe others decided she would pay
They were ignorant, or maybe just bitchy
But either way she felt out of place, a little witchy
If she so much as looked at another girl
They would laugh with their friends and pretend to hurl
Life is easy when you, like them,just hide
But that's not what she did, she slowly died inside
She used to be proud of herself, but now she had little pride
She broke the news to her dad
He most certainly took it badtechnically it's badly...
He slapped her hard and told her she was wrong
But she still tried very hard to remain strong
She started eating less
Everyday an emotional mess
She felt lost and scared
So unprepared
Her father's disapproval was shooting up a latter
Then he tried to convince her her life did not matter
She knew she should not listen, let it sink in, he had been taking drugs
But it felt like right now she could use a bunch of hugs
She needed to talk to a friend, she did not care who
But the fact is she had none, and no one was coming just out of the blue
She cried for help but nobody came
She thought prehaps she was to blame
So that night
She gave up the fight
She snuck out of her room
Did not know whether to feel relief or gloom
She pulleddug into her pocket and pulled out a knife
And right there and then she ended her life
As I stand by the grave of , tinathis asuicidal teen
I think about the world, how can people be so mean...

Some of those were just suggestions, some were technical mistakes, but anywho...

This poem was nice... well, not nice, it was kind of gruesome, and that's fine, but I think you relied a bit much on the rhyming aspect... I don't know, I'm not really a poetry expert

--
Tabby

This is real' good! Real' interesting...
I very much like the way that this tells a story as well as being a poem; because most poems in my experience just describe scences, set scences, concentrate on one aspect of imagery...
But your poem does lotsa' things
I'm just not so keen on the ryhming structure; it sounds a little strained... But I got used to it after a while and began to enjoy it. I love the last part. S'creeepy Xxxx

A really touching poem, one that makes the reader have a deep think. I would just like to point out a few things:

I stand the grave of Tina McKlur. I stand over the grave
The type of girl who was just her. This bit is worded a little awkwardly, maybe say something like 'The type of girl who knew how to be her.
She was openly gay
So the others decided she would pay These two lines don't have much rythm, the first line needs to be longer or the second one should be shorter
They were ignorant or maybe just bitchy They were ignorant, or maybe just bitchy (don't forget the comma)
But either way she felt out of place, a little witchy
If she so much as looked at another girl
They would laugh with their friends and pretend to hurl I think this was a clever line
Life is easy when you, like them, just hide
But thats not what she did, she slowly died inside Maybe make this bit a little easier to understand by saying something like 'But because she stood up, she slowly died inside'
She used to be proud of herself, but now she had little pride The proud bit is slightly repetitive, maybe try something along the lines of 'She had been confident, but no longer had pride'
She broke the news to her dad
He most certainly took it bad You don't need to put in 'most certainly', it makes the rythm go off again, maybe just something like 'He really took it bad'
He slapped her hard and told her she was wrong
But she still tried very hard to remain strong To help keep the rythm, maybe stay instead of remain
She started eating less
Everyday an emotional mess
She felt lost and scared
So unprepared
Her fathers disapproval was shooting up a latter I don't understand this bit but that could be just me
Then he tried to convince her her life did not matter
She knew she should not listen, let it sink in, he had been taking drugs I think you need to shorten this line slightly
But it felt like right now she could use a bunch of hugs
She needed to talk to a friend, she did not care who
But the fact is she had none, and no one was coming just out of the blue Again maybe shorten it a bit
She cried for help but nobody came
She thought perhaps she was to blame
So that night
She gave up the fight
She snuck out of her room
Did not know whether to feel relief or gloom This sentence is a little long, I think all you need to do to fix it is put Didn't instead of Did not
She pulled dug into her pocket and pulled out a knife She dug into her pocket and pulled out a knifeAnd right there and then she ended her life
As I stand by the grave of , tina this a suicidal teen As I stand by the grave of Tina, a suicidal teenI think about the world, how can people be so mean...


So I know I'm no poetry expert, these are just my suggestions
But I do really like the poem and I hope I wasn't too critical