Shade (working title) - Chapter 3

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This chapter is rated 16+ for some cursing here and there... Um, this is a big chapter, I guess. Not in length, but in importance. (This is on pages 9-14.) This is where the story really begins to take off, I guess.


Chapter 3

Sunday, April 18th, 2010 / Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

The next thing I knew I was lying on the sand. I saw a few vague outlines of people and heard sirens that seemed to be very far away.

“Oh! He’s waking up!” I heard my mother say. It sounded like it came through a long tunnel.

Suddenly I smelled salt in the air, a sharp scent in the otherwise bland area.

“Hotaru..? Are you-” I think that was Sakura.

“Out of the way!” an unfamiliar voice said.

“What happened to me? How did I get back on the beach?” I asked weakly as a paramedic rolled me onto a stretcher. Pain was spreading throughout my body like an angry swarm of bees…

“The ledge in the cave crumbled away from the wall when you stepped onto it and you hit your head pretty hard. This guy here - you said your name was Miyako?” Sakura asked.

I perked up for a second, opening my eyes again and momentarily forgetting the pain. Miyako? Why’d he come back?

“Well, he heard me screaming my head off and ran in, jumped down, and picked you up. Then he found a safer way back up,” Sakura explained frantically, walking alongside me as the paramedics carried me towards a slightly blurry white shape in the distance.

Suddenly my vision cleared a bit and I could see all of the people walking with me: Miyako; Sakura; Brandon, who was clinging to Sakura’s hand; and my mom. Plus a few paramedics, of course.

“It-it’s fine, Sakura. How in the world did you jump down twelve feet and live, Miyako?” After I said those words I sensed a sudden stabbing tension in the air.

“How did you fall down and not get hurt a bit, but then fall again and black out?” he asked, not unkindly, in return.

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I remained silent. At this point the paramedics were beginning to load me into the ambulance.

“Wait, can I go with him?” Miyako asked suddenly.

“Me too!” Sakura exclaimed.

A female paramedic paused in her work, stared at them for a second, and then said, “How do both of you know him?”

“He’s my brother!” Sakura said, outraged.

“I … guess I don’t, exactly. But I’d like to.” Miyako’s eyes seemed to gleam.

My heart made a small, fluttery movement in my chest, forcing me to quickly take in another breath of air. Maybe I was just going crazy from the pain, but I could’ve sworn that his pupils were slits - just like a cat’s.

“Um…”

“It’s fine, let them go! Just hurry, he’s in a lot of pain… He just won’t let you realize it because that’s how he is.”

I don’t think I’ve mentioned how much I love you, Mom.

“Alright, come in,” she relented.

From inside the ambulance I couldn’t see much of anything from where I lay. I tried to look over my chest to see what was going on, but my head felt like an elephant had stepped on it so I quickly abandoned the attempt.

The paramedic told Miyako and Sakura where to be and within a few more seconds I heard the siren grow louder and the ambulance begin to drive off. I think I may have blacked out a couple times along the way, but before I knew it we were at the hospital.

-----

Now I know that I blacked out because the last thing I remembered was being wheeled into the hospital. Now I was in a bed with people all around me. How long was I out? I wondered to myself.

One thing that I immediately became aware of was my left arm. It hurt like hell and there was a cast around three fourths of my forearm. As I took in my surroundings, I noticed that Sakura’s head was next to my stomach and that there were tears staining the sheets. Miyako was leaning against the wall directly in front of my bed, Brandon was asleep in Mom’s lap, and my father had his arm around Mom’s shoulders. No one seemed to notice that I was awake - except for Miyako. I knew this because his eyes lit up and he smiled at me. I was momentarily speechless.

“Welcome back,” he whispered quietly. “Everyone else fell asleep.”

“I can see that,” I said back just as softly. “How bad did I hurt myself?”

Miyako looked upon me with a frown. “Well, you badly sprained your left wrist, got a real bad concussion, and stayed in a coma for three days… You know, nothing too bad,” he said sarcastically.

My eyes bulged for a moment. As I processed things, I began to wonder about Miyako… How did he manage to jump down in the cave? What was up with his eyes? Why is he here with me now? I’m just someone he helped… D-does he like me? If so, why? What about that other guy?

“Did you figure it out yet?” he asked abruptly.

I stared at him with wide eyes. “I-I don’t know. I just don’t understand, I guess. I mean, you were - are - with that guy … Jack,” I said, finally remembering his name. “But you’re hanging around me a lot… I’m not sure. And then how you heard my sister scream from so far away… And then jumped down to get me? A-and right before I was loaded onto the ambulance, I could’ve s-sworn that your pupils were slits, like a cat’s. But I d-don’t know if I was just being crazy, or-”

“You’re not crazy. This may make me sound like I’m an egomaniac, but I’m special. You are, too, but you don’t know it. Jack is as well.” Miyako paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “But he’s not … right for me. I feel as if you are, though… It’s a confusing thing. It’ll take a few minutes to explain it all. But let me just say this much: If I gave you the choice between staying here with your family without me or going with me back to my country, what would you do?”

Now I was thoroughly confused. “Wait, you’re a foreigner? And we’re special … how, exactly?”

He chuckled quietly. “Yes and no. I’m from an entirely different world. Technically I’m actually half Japanese, but I take after my father’s American side. As for being special, that’s a long story, so I’ll make it short. I’m a…” He paused for a minute or two, collecting his thoughts, it would seem. “I’m a Were-cat. More specifically, a Were-panther…” Miyako took in a long breath, waiting for my reaction. When he saw that all I could do was stare, he continued. “It … isn’t uncommon in Shade - that’s the name of my world - to be like me. In fact, almost any mystical thing you’ve ever heard of is real there. It’s pretty much the norm. But enough of that, let me show you that I’m not lying…”

And then right before my eyes, Miyako’s pupils turned to slits, ears popped out of his skull, he grew a tail, he began growing fur, and suddenly he changed from a - somewhat - human into a black panther. I gasped.

“What do you think?” he asked as a panther.

“I-I-I think that t-this is a dream!” I said in an unnaturally high voice.

“Try moving your wrist. Then you’ll know it’s not a dream.”

I did as he said. It hurt like hell even though it was in the cast. So forget the dream theory. Surely there had to be a good reason for there to be a talking panther in my hospital room, right?

Just then, Miyako changed back to human form - but not slowly like the first time. “Sorry if that scared you… But I wanted you to know that this is real. I’m not trying to trick you. And about the being drawn to you thing… Well, in my world, there’s this thing called a Heart of Fate. It’s simply a half heart on a chain... But only the person who owns it can see it. When the Heart of Fate finds its owner’s Other Half, even if the person or creature doesn’t have a Heart yet, it glows whenever you see that person. Mine started glowing the second I saw you… Although this doesn’t mean that I automatically have feelings for you, it does mean that I’m very drawn to you. I know all of this is very odd … but I hope that when you heal you will consider going with me to Shade.”

At that moment, the only emotions I had were shock, wonder, and confusion. I wanted to go with him to Shade, but then again I didn’t… I would miss my family and friends. But I’m drawn to him, too... I know I’m gay and I accept that, but I always wondered what my family would think. Maybe this was a good way to escape… However, I do love them and I would miss them…

“Would I ever be able to come back?” I asked in a whisper.

He laughed a little louder than he should have and woke up Brandon. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked sleepily.

“Nothing much, Brandy, your brother just made a joke is all.”

I had just enough time to think, ‘Brandy’? before Brandon exclaimed with joy,

“Hotaru is awake?!”

“Yup, I woke up not that long ago,” I told him, choosing to ignore the odd nickname. I spread out my good arm for a hug. Brandon ran over and embraced me.

“I was so worried about you! The doctor said you were in this thingy called a coma and that they didn’t know when you would wake up.” Brandon stood up and yelled, “Everybody, Hotaru’s awake!”

Oddly enough, immediately three heads popped up one after another. First Sakura, who practically tackled me with happiness; then Mom, who started crying; then Dad, who hugged Mom.

I couldn’t help wondering what the hell I was gonna do now…
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Heyo, here for the review! :D

Okay, so overall this was a really good chapter; things are starting to get exciting, and I'm looking forward to what's going to happen with the abilities and the other world...you've also done a good job with showing the two choices Hotaru's got, and how hard it'll be for him to leave his family (I'm assuming that's what is eventually going to happen).

One thing I found to be unrealistic is that Miyako chooses to explain everything about himself and even transform while Hotaru's family is right there, even if they were all asleep. It just seems really risky for him to be exposing himself when he's in such a public place, instead of secretly when it's just him and Hotaru. I wouldn't chance it with people right there who could wake up at any moment, you know?

MoonlightAssassin wrote:The next thing I knew I was lying on the sand.


This is generally something people say after they've just experienced something. Instead, it's obviously been a long while since he's fallen with the rock, so I'd suggest rewording it to something like, "When I awoke..." or "The first thing I remember..." or just something that denotes a longer passage of time has gone by.

“I … guess I don’t, exactly. But I’d like to.” Miyako’s eyes seemed to gleam.


His excuse seems a little thin, and i don't know if a medical worker would actually let him in. But maybe if Sakura or someone were to vouch for Miyako and say that he's the one who rescued Hotaru, or otherwise just give their consent, the paramedic might have an easier time with letting him on.

Now I know that I blacked out because the last thing I remembered was being wheeled into the hospital. Now I was in a bed with people all around me.


Minor nitpick here, but it's a bit repetitive here.

“I-I-I think that t-this is a dream!” I said in an unnaturally high voice.


Hehe, this made me laugh. Don't change it. :D

Okay, so that's all I've got to say! This was a great read. Keep up the good work, and please let me know when the next chapter's up. :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle



A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown