The Beat of the Jungle

6 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1010
Reviews 35
Tinkling water, peacefully running downstream,
Sounding like bells, far away in the distance.
The sound of the Elephant's footsteps,
Like drums, crashing and banging.
Thunder sounds like cymbals,
Keeping you awake for hours on end.
The beat of the jungle is really quite exciting,
And amusment isn't rare,
But when life gets really wild,
I'd run.




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Gender Female
Points 187518
Reviews 1657
I really liked this! Short, but well structured and a great ending. Just occasionaly you need to be careful and watch the syllable count in a few of your lines. It may have just been me but there were one or two that didn't quite flow well together. If you could add another verse in the middle that would be really nice as it would make it more into a story type poem. Great work!




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Gender Female
Points 204
Reviews 11
Nice work with the poem structure. I really the last part ;D.




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Gender Female
Points 754
Reviews 7
Hey,

I really liked this poem, but it was kinda of short no matter though. I rellay like the ending. Keep writing.

~Lana




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Gender Female
Points 1666
Reviews 35
The syllables were a bit out in places but you've created the escense of the jungle in very few lines which is a real achievement. you're structure is good as well, makes me a little envious of you because i'm awful with structure, I really liked it, it's a lovely piece of work.
Dreams come in waves
to take us home
Daylight stitches our eyes open
and we flicker on
-Eyes stitched open:The Telegraphs




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Gender Male
Points 1456
Reviews 126
It was cute, short and quaint. Obviously there are some tiny errors since you wrote it when you were 10, but it was overall really good. I especially liked the last two lines:
But when life gets really wild,
I'd run.

Keep Writing!
Flightplan 49



Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
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