Ogygia-part 2

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Calypso stared blankly out to sea. The helicopter had dropped her off around an hour before, and that was all the time it took to explore the tiny island. It was covered in sand, which seemed odd to Calypso because she thought that most of the Aegean isles were rocky. A cave with a curtain hanging in the doorway sat mysteriously in the middle of the island, but Calypso wasn't ready to venture into that. Instead she walked over to the other side of the cave and gasped at the lush garden that awaited her. Olive, fig, and pomegranate trees provided shade from the September sun. Cabbage and lentil plants hugged the ground, while grape vines climbed up an arching trellis. They must have prepared this as soon as I was brought to the asylum, she mused, amazed by the magnificent garden. Chickens wandered around, followed by chicks. Calypso's hand wavered in front of a plump pomegranate, but she wasn't accustomed to the island, and she wasn't ready to eat its food. She pulled her hand away and ventured into the cave.

When she was inside, Calypso realized it wasn't so much a cave as an hill of rock hollowed out. An ancient Greek style bed was pushed against one of the walls. The pillow was rumpled and the blanket was flung to the end of the bed. Dried herbs hung on the wall, giving the room a spicy, exotic scent. A clear pool of water sat in the middle, casting dancing shadows in the lamplight. Calypso was awed by its simple beauty.

Tired of being suspicious, Calypso took off her clothes and slid into the surprisingly warm water. The pool was like the rest of the room, hollowed rock. Calypso realized that she would have to empty and refill it every time she bathed. She felt immediately grateful for the freshwater spring she found in the garden. Calypso grabbed the bar of coarse soap of the side of the pool and scrubbed her body and hair until she was sure she was clean. She sat in the balmy water for a while longer, savoring the relaxing feel of the water. She stepped out when her fingers pruned and cursed her stupidity. Calypso knew that the cave was well stocked, so she hadn't bothered to look for a towel or change of clothes. After a few moments of looking, Calypso shrugged.

I'm all alone on this island, She thought. So she wrapped herself in the blanket from the bed and walked outside. She sat on a slab or rock and stared out to sea. Calypso knew this test wouldn't last only a week, and she questioned if they were coming back for her at all. She closed her eyes, and enjoyed the warm sun and salty ocean breeze.

Who cares it they're never coming back, Calypso thought. This is the first time I've been relaxed in a month.

Unfortunately, the peace was short-lived. At the sound of yelling, Calypso's head snapped up. Two women were fighting on the beach, and two birds were fighting over their heads.

Oh no, I'm hallucinating again, Calypso thought, but craned her neck to get a better look. One of the women was breathtakingly beautiful, the most beautiful woman Calypso had ever laid eyes on. She had the clearest blue eyes Calypso had ever seen, and gorgeous olive-toned skin. Her shiny black hair curled down her back in gleaming ringlets. She wore the kind of dress Calypso had seen in pictures of Greek goddesses. Shiny gold bands clasped her arms and a delicate gold circlet sat on her head. The other woman was beautiful too, but didn't seem to flaunt it like the first one. She had the same skin tone as the other one, but she wore her long, dark brown hair in a braid down her back. She wore an ancient Greek tunic and silver bracelets jangled on her wrists. Her gray eyes were filled with knowledge and pride. Strangest of all were the birds that hovered above the women. A dove and an owl, fighting over their heads. All of a sudden, the dove jabbed the owl in its wing, and the owl tumbled to the ground. The woman in the tunic fell to her knees and started to care for the wounded bird. The beautiful one marched over to Calypso, her perfect face marred by anger. She raised a hand and to strike Calypso, but dropped it, and lost the angry look on her face as a confused expression replaced it. Calypso stood paralyzed, terrified by the stunning woman.

"You’re not Calypso," she stated, "What’s your name, girl?" The woman crossed her arm, awaiting an answer.

"C-Calypso Baros," she stuttered.

The woman looked her over. "Well you’re mortal all right, but I can't send you back. Love is in the air," she said with a smirk.

"Who are you?" Calypso asked, wondering what the mysterious woman meant about “love being in the air.”

The woman stiffened, straitening her back indignantly. "I am Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, lady of the doves," She crinkled her nose, "And you are a mess."

Aphrodite touched the coarse blanket Calypso had wrapped around herself. It started to change shape, and before Calypso knew it, she wore a Greek tunic. It was the purest white with exquisite embroidery lining the bottom. Silver bracelets clasped her upper arm, and her cropped hair became long again, braided over her shoulder with silver threads. Aphrodite held up a mirror, showing Calypso her reflection. Her light olive-toned skin looked clear and healthy, and all traces of tears were erased from her face. Calypso started to hyperventilate, scared by the realness of the hallucination. She was starting to get light headed when the other woman approached, her owl flying behind her.

"I told you Aphrodite, she is not your Calypso. Let her go!" she yelled, her owl screeching above her.

Aphrodite glared at the other woman.

"This girl is mine! She was given to me by the fates and father Zeus!" Aphrodite yelled back.

The other woman looked at Calypso

"I cannot help you anymore, Calypso. I did my best to keep you sane, and I have done everything in my power to free you, but I am not permitted to meddle in your life directly any further, so the Fates have decreed."

The woman’s gray eyes filled with sadness. She looked Calypso over and had a worried look on her face.

"Oh dear, I didn't do a good job, did I? It's very hard to keep someone sane over such a distance."

The woman touched Calypso's head gently. As soon as her fingers made contact with Calypso's temple, her mind cleared. Calypso almost laughed; she was so happy. She was completely sane again! All the pain that came in Royce's Asylum was gone, replaced by the pure joy of being well in the mind. Calypso looked at the woman who saved her.

"Athena," she whispered.

The gray-eyed goddess smiled.

"Smart girl," she said, "I don't think the Fates will mind that I restored your sanity."

Athena turned to face Aphrodite.

"You have no consideration for people's feelings, Aphrodite. Remember Helen?"

Aphrodite's face hardened. "Helen was mine to give! Who do you think gave her that legendary beauty?"

The two women went at it again and Calypso retreated into her own little world.
This is impossible.I'm on an island in the Aegean sea, two godesses are fighting over me. And yet... Calypso looked over at the two women and started to shake uncontrollably. Athena caught on to Calypso's fear and glared at Aphrodite.

"We'll finish this later," she said through clenched teeth and took Calypso's arm and led her into the cave.

"You don't have a blanket?" Athena asked, gesturing toward the bed. Calypso looked down at her tunic. Athena sighed and started to rummage around the cave.

"I can't remember where Calypso kept the extras," she said, opening a hidden drawer in the wall.

Calypso The name echoed through Calypso's head. Why do they keep saying my name like I'm not here? People keep hiding things from me, first Royce, now Athena. I'm so tired of it!

"What is going on?" Calypso yelled, losing it. "Why did Royce kidnap me? Why am I on this island? Why do people keep acting like I'm not Calypso? I want answers!"

Athena's face darkened. "Don't speak to me like that girl! I am a goddess! I do not have to do anything you say!"

Athena's harsh tone shocked Calypso and she shrunk away. "I'm sorry," She apologized weakly.

Athena's face softened. "I will tell you, as long as you don't speak to me that way again. You need to learn your manners."

Calypso hung her head. "Yes, Athena," she sighed, feeling like a schoolgirl in trouble.

Athena smiled. "Good, now that we have that settled." Athena waved her hand and silver sparks danced around the room. After a minute they took the form of a glittering loom.

"We'll discuss this while I make you a blanket." Athena sat down and started to weave, telling the story as she did it.
Last edited by moderncalypso on Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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"Athena sat down and started to weave, telling the story as she did it."
Everything flows well untill the very last sentence. Something about ending the chapter with "it" is just not strong. So maybe you can say "Athena sat down and began the blanket and started a story" (then you don't end with "it" and you have some awesome alliteration!)
one more really little thing but it stuck out to me...
"tree's" should be "trees".
GREAT DESCRIPTIONS as usual :) I am not familiar with Greek Mythology, are the owl and dove significant or symbols of something? Also, is Athena Calypso's muse??




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Hey there, I'm Hawk and I'm here to review!

I read your first chapter, and since you had some reviews already, I didn't comment. Now I'm here for the second chapter.

Okay, so first off I just want to say that I love this story so far; I'm a fan of Greek mythology, and this is a great mix of seemingly modernized mythic characters and settings. You've done a good job with the pacing so far, and the descriptions in general. I don't feel like I'm getting lost or anything, and I don't feel that this story is dragging at all.

There were a few sentences where the wording seemed a bit off and didn't sound right to the ear; I'll point those out below.

Calypso knew that the cave was well stocked, so she didn't bother to look for a towel or change of clothes.


I'm guessing you mean that she hadn't checked for a towel before going into the water. The way it's worded now, it's sounding like she's not looking for one, simply because she knows the cave's well-stocked, which doesn't make a lot of sense. I'd reword it to something like, "Calypso had known that the cave was well-stocked, so she hadn't bothered to look for a towel or change of clothes."

I'm all alone of this island, Calypso thought.


"On."

"I can't remember were Calypso kept the extras." She said, opening a hidden drawer in the wall.


"Where," first off. Second, there should be a comma instead of a period, and the "she" should not be capitalized. If you need some help with your dialogue punctuation because you don't know exactly where or why you should be placing commas instead of periods, then take a look at this link; it's an excellent guide, and I use it all the time.

"What is going on? Calypso yelled, losing it. "Why did Royce kidnap me? Why am I on this island? Why do people keep acting like I'm not Calypso? I want answers!"


This is a bit fast. She seemed to be doing pretty well; she seemed happy that she was sane, and followed Athena willingly enough. What made her snap all of a sudden? Let's have a little more insight into what she was feeling and why she started yelling. I can understand feeling confused and frustrated, but this seemingly came out of nowhere from where she was just a moment before in the story. You've got to transition smoothly.

Okay, so that's all I've got to say. Great story; I look forward to the next chapter! Please PM me if you've got any questions or whatnot. Cheers! (:
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Hiya Sak and Lily! This chapter was very well written. I very much enjoyed reading the descriptions that you used and I enjoyed getting to know the goddesses more. I think that you captured the character of both Aphrodite and Athena very effectively; they were very much what they should be. Very nice job!

There were some grammar mistakes that should probably get fixed, but they were very minor. I think going back and reading this aloud to yourself would be a good idea because it will help you catch the mistakes.

All in all you both did a very nice job with this. I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Luxy :D
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Great story, but I noticed at this part, "What is going on? Calypso yelled, losing it. "Why did Royce kidnap me? Why am I on this island? Why do people keep acting like I'm not Calypso? I want answers!"
I think you need another quotation mark after "What is going on?" (<---- See that? That's a quotation mark right thar)
Other than that I got nothing, so have a good day and don't get eaten by sharks.




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Now, things are getting interesting....I love your description of the pool. I'm confused about this part though.
She crinkled her nose. "And you are a mess."

Aphrodite touched the coarse blanket Calypso had wrapped around herself. It started to change shape, and before Calypso knew it, she wore a Greek tunic. It was the purest white with exquisite embroidery lining the bottom. Silver bracelets clasped her upper arm, and her cropped hair became long again, braided over her shoulder with silver threads. Aphrodite held up a mirror, showing Calypso her reflection. Her light olive-toned skin looked clear and healthy, and all traces of tears were erased from her face. Calypso started to hyperventilate, scared by the realness of the hallucination. She was starting to get light headed when the other woman approached, her owl flying behind her.


Did Aprodite just clean her up or did she actually give her more beauty? Because in this
"This girl is mine! I gave her the beauty she possesses; she owes me!" Aphrodite yelled back.
you say that Aphrodite gave her beauty. I am also confused as to why Calypso doesn't really freak out about being stuck on an island with a two goddess fighting over her.
"What is going on? Calypso yelled, losing it. "Why did Royce kidnap me? Why am I on this island? Why do people keep acting like I'm not Calypso? I want answers!"
This seems like an understatement. It's good though. Onto the next chapter!
Check these out please! :)
Alezrani
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Hey there :) I didn't read your first part, but here I am.

Calypso stared blankly out to sea. The helicopter had dropped her off around an hour before, and that was all the time it took to explore the tiny island. It was covered in sand, which seemed odd to Calypso because she thought that most of the Aegean isles were rocky. A cave with a curtain hanging in the doorway sat mysteriously in the middle of the island, but Calypso wasn't ready to venture into that. Instead she walked over to the other side of the cave and gasped at the lush garden that awaited her. Olive, fig, and pomegranate tree's trees provided shade from the September sun. Cabbage and lentil plants hugged the ground, while grape vines climbed up an arching trellis nice!. They must have prepared this as soon as I was brought to the asylum, she mused, amazed by the magnificent garden. Chickens wandered around, followed by chicks. Calypso's hand wavered in front of a plump pomegranate, but she wasn't accustomed to the island, and she wasn't ready to eat its food. She pulled her hand away and ventured into the cave.

When she was inside, Calypso realized it wasn't so much a cave as an hill of rock hollowed out. An ancient- no hyphen Greek style bed was pushed against one of the walls. The pillow was rumpled and the blanket was flung to the end of the bed. Dried herbs hung on the wall, giving the room a spicy, exotic scent. A clear pool of water sat in the middle, casting dancing shadows in the lamp-light lamplight. Calypso was awed by its simple beauty.

Tired of being suspicious, Calypso took off her clothes and slid into the surprisingly warm water. The pool was like the rest of the room, hollowed rock. Calypso realized that she would have to empty and refill it every time she bathed. She felt immediately felt grateful for the freshwater spring she found in the garden. Calypso grabbed the bar of coarse soap of the side of the pool and scrubbed her body and hair until she was sure she was clean. She sat in the balmy water for a while longer, savoring the relaxing feel of the water. She stepped out when her fingers pruned and cursed her stupidity. Calypso knew that the cave was well stocked, so she hadn't bothered to look for a towel or change of clothes. After a few moments of looking, Calypso shrugged.

I'm all alone on this island, She thought. So she wrapped herself in the blanket from the bed and walked outside. She sat on a slab or rock and stared out to sea. Calypso knew this test wouldn't last only a week, and she questioned if they were coming back for her at all. She closed her eyes, and enjoyed the warm sun and salty ocean breeze.

Who cares it they're never coming back, Calypso thought. This is the first time I've been relaxed in a month.

Unfortunately, the peace was short-lived. At the sound of yelling, Calypso's head snapped up. Two women were fighting on the beach, and two birds were fighting over their heads.

Oh no, I'm hallucinating again, Calypso thought, but craned her neck to get a better look. One of the women was breath-taking breathtakingly beautiful, the most beautiful woman Calypso had ever laid eyes on. She had the clearest blue eyes Calypso had ever seen, and gorgeous olive-toned skin. Her shiny black hair curled down her back in gleaming ringlets. She wore the kind of dress Calypso had seen in pictures of Greek goddesses. Shiny gold bands clasped her arms and a delicate gold circlet sat on her head. The other woman was beautiful too, but didn't seem to flaunt it like the first one. She had the same skin tone as the other one, but she wore her long, dark brown hair in a braid down her back. She wore an ancient- no hyphen Greek tunic and silver bracelets jangled on her wrists. Her gray eyes were filled with knowledge and pride. Strangest of all were the birds, no comma that hovered above the women. A dove and an owl, fighting over their heads. All of a sudden, the dove jabbed the owl in its wing, and the owl tumbled to the ground. The woman in the tunic fell to her knees and started to care for the wounded bird. The beautiful one marched over to Calypso, her perfect face marred by anger. She raised a hand and to strike Calypso, but dropped it, and lost the angry look on her face as a confused expression replaced it. Calypso stood paralyzed, terrified by the stunning woman.

"You’re not Calypso," she stated. comma "What’s your name, girl?" The woman crossed her arm, awaiting an answer.

"C-Calypso Baros," she stuttered.

The woman looked her over. "Well you’re mortal all right, but I can't send you back. Love is in the air," she said with a smirk.

"Who are you?" Calypso asked, wondering what the mysterious woman meant about “love being in the air.”

The woman stiffened, straitening her back indignantly nice!. "I am Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, lady of the doves," She crinkled her nose. comma "And you are a mess."

Aphrodite touched the coarse blanket Calypso had wrapped around herself. It started to change shape, and before Calypso knew it, she wore a Greek tunic. It was the purest white with exquisite embroidery lining the bottom. Silver bracelets clasped her upper arm, and her cropped hair became long again, braided over her shoulder with silver threads. Aphrodite held up a mirror, showing Calypso her reflection. Her light olive-toned skin looked clear and healthy, and all traces of tears were erased from her face. Calypso started to hyperventilate, scared by the realness of the hallucination. She was starting to get light headed when the other woman approached, her owl flying behind her.

"I told you Aphrodite, she is not your Calypso. Let her go!" she yelled, her owl screeching above her.

Aphrodite glared at the other woman.

"This girl is mine! She was given to me by the fates and father Zeus!" Aphrodite yelled back.

The other woman looked at Calypso

"I cannot help you anymore comma Calypso. I did my best to keep you sane, and I have done everything in my power to free you, but I am not permitted to meddle in your life directlyany further, so the Fates have decreed."

The woman’s gray eyes filled with sadness. She looked Calypso over and had a worried look on her face.

"Oh dear, I didn't do a good job, did I? It's very hard to keep someone sane over such a distance."

The woman touched Calypso's head gently. As soon as her fingers made contact with Calypso's temple, her mind cleared. Calypso almost laughed; she was so happy. She was completely sane again! All the pain that came in Royce's Asylum was gone, replaced by the pure joy of being well in the mind. Calypso looked at the woman who saved her.

"Athena," she whispered period

The gray-eyed goddess smiled.

"Smart girl," she said.comma "I don't think the Fates will mind that I restored your sanity."

Athena turned to face Aphrodite.

"You have no consideration for people's feelings, Aphrodite. Remember Helen?"

Aphrodite's face hardened. "Helen was mine to give! Who do you think gave her that legendary beauty?"

The two women went at it again and Calypso retreated into her own little world.
This is impossible.I'm on an island in the Aegean sea, two godesses are fighting over me. And yet... Calypso looked over at the two women and started to shake uncontrollably. Athena caught on to Calypso's fear and glared at Aphrodite.

"We'll finish this later," she said through clenched teeth and took Calypso's arm and led her into the cave.

"You don't have a blanket?" Athena asked, gesturing toward the bed. Calypso looked down at her tunic. Athena sighed and started to rummage around the cave.

"I can't remember where Calypso kept the extras.comma" she said, opening a hidden drawer in the wall.

Calypso The name echoed through Calypso's head. Why do they keep saying that, like I'm not here. People keep hiding things from me, Royce, now Athena This sentence is a little confusing. You should try rephrasing it to something along the lines of ‘Why must everyone keep hiding things from me? First Royce, and now Athena. I‘m so tired of it!. I'm so tierd tired of it!

Calypso snapped and all hell broke loose. To me, this is exaggerating a bit. I would cut this sentence out because you show Calypso is frustrated in the previous paragraph, which is a fine transition into her dialogue.

"What is going on?" Calypso yelled, losing it. "Why did Royce kidnap me? Why am I on this island? Why do people keep acting like I'm not Calypso? I want answers!"

Athena's face darkened. "Don't speak to me like that girl! I am a goddess! I do not have to do anything you say!"

Athena's harsh tone shocked Calypso and she shrunk away. "I'm sorry comma" She apologized weakly period

Athena's face softened. "I will tell you, as long as you don't speak to me that way again. You need to learn your manners."

Calypso hung her head. "Yes, Athena," she said sighed might be a better word, feeling like a schoolgirl in trouble.

Athena smiled. "Good, now that we have that settled." Athena waved her hand and silver sparks danced around the room. After a minute they took the form of a glittering loom.

"We'll discuss this while I make you a blanket." Athena sat down and started to weave, telling the story as she did it.

First off, I have to say that I’m not very familiar with Greek gods and goddesses, so I can’t watch for any accuracy in that area. But so far it seems as though you are trying to make the characters a bit more modern, so I should probably be able to get by with just my basic knowledge.
Anyways, onto the review!
I thought this was great! :D
I like your characters. To me, having enjoyable, believable characters is one of the most important things in a story, and you did a great job with establishing yours right off the bat. I can tell that you worked hard on giving everyone their own personality, and it worked; they shine through.
Also, I thought your description was magnificent. I feel very much like I’m a part in this world of yours. You described the plants and the garden, the sea, the cave, the INSIDE of the cave, what the cave SMELLED like, what Calypso felt while bathing… I mean you really go into detail which drew me in completely. Awesome job with that.
I also have a clear picture of Athena and Aphrodite. Usually, I get bored with human descriptions because they always seem to go along the lines of ‘stunning blue eyes’ ‘milky white skin’ ‘perfect in every way’ but I thought yours were original in their own way. I also like how you introduced them while they were fighting; it makes them more interesting.
As you can see, I caught a few grammar errors, but it’s nothing to be worried about. Even so, if you haven’t checked out the Writing Resources section here on YWS, it would be well worth a visit. There’s all kinds of tips there on how to make your story better, and even quick lessons in grammar and such. If you can’t find it let me know and I’ll send you a link.
All in all, awesome job!
I’ll be stopping by for more of this story, I’m sure.
~blacksheep
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The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk




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Hey there!

Okay, so first off, we get that this is going to be heavily into Greek mythology - but Calypso and Cerberus? I didn't mention anything last chapter because I wasn't sure where you were taking it. But, it's a little demeaning to have it like that, as is. I'd say, either change the names or give there a reason why exactly they are like that (example: her parents were heavy into Greek mythology - but even that is a little too coincidental to fly. I mean, really, out of all the people to be picked? Though I do understand if that's why she was picked, or something).

Another thing: the gods seem a bit... petty. I mean, they're gods. Gods of beauty and love, and of knowledge. I like to think they are more mature, or have more on their mind, than to argue so much, in such trivial ways. Sure, they can be rivals, but right now they seem like junior high girls marking their territory.

Now, the most glaring thing that I see is the emotion involved in this. For the most of this, you're only skimming across the emotions, her feelings; we don't really get a sense for who she is, how she feels about this, how she should feel about this. For most of it, there's not really a sense of disbelief, which, at very least, I'd expect to see when around the gods. And she doesn't really react to anything, not like you'd think someone would. I mean, we don't really get what's going through her head. What's she thinking, feeling, how is it affecting her mindset?

See, there's a ton you could do with the emotion. She just was brought there after being kidnapped and tortured - she should be nothing but desperate, mangled emotion. Though this is your character and you know her best, I imagine someone coming out of this situation and being slightly mad, impatient, and with a heck of a lot of survival instincts kicking in. That make sense?

Overall, I'd say you've got some good grounds here, but you need to build off of them. If you want some help with that, or have any questions, post on my wall.

loveness, ultraviolet <3
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

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