Women

There was a girl who always dreamt to touch the sky;
There was a girl who always wished like a bird she could fly.
There was a girl who would never say no;
And for whom...life was always in right flow.
There was a girl,
always happy and gay;
Tough times too,
she would face it like a play.
There was a girl who lived on her own conditions;
No one would question even her weird decisions.

There is a woman
who is now a mother and a wife;
Things are changed and so is the definition of life.
There is a woman
now representating her mom and dad;
She has to adjust so that relations don't fade.
There is a woman who has to mold the raw clay;
The irony is that there is no one to hear and nothing to say.
There is a woman who has to convert a bud into a flower;
And for this blissful job she has got all the power.
Her children and husband are big assets in her life;
But this girl is lost while playing the role of a mother and a wife.
This woman wishes to be that girl again;
Who would smile even in pain.
This woman wishes to be a girl along with a wife and a mother;
Who would again live life king size without any bother.
Don't you worry, the day will soon come;
When wife, mother and girl, all will become one.
Then, I'm sure she'll feel like a sun;
Things will be all set and life will be all fun.

Hi, ehte92

I really enjoyed this poem, it felt deep and pure somehow, and I loved how you gave such a clear view of the girl's character. Very nice!

The only thing I would suggest is that you cut out some of the 'ands' and 'the-s' in your stanzas, it slows the poem down and draws your mind away from the rhymes- taking away from the meaning in the story, and perhaps add a few more descriptive words in their stead.

For example, in the first few lines...

There was a girl who always dreamt to touch the sky;
A girl who always wished, like a bird, she could fly.
There was a girl who never would say no;
And for whom life was always just right in flow.

Of course these are only suggestions, but I think if you tried this out similarly throughout the rest of the poem, it will help it to flow better and keep the reader interested in what clever thing you'll say next

Hope this helped, and love your poem!

~Mel

I enjoyed this one, though there is room for improvement.
I feel like a hypocrite for saying this, because I used to do the same thing, but I have to say that your rhyming makes the poem awkward. Your rhythm isn't consistent and sometimes the rhymes don't make sense. (I like to think of them as desperate rhymes, words that you use randomly because you can't think of anything else.) This was excellent, though, I liked it. My favorite lines were these: "Don't you worry, the day will soon come;
When wife, mother and girl, all will become one." No matter how much you change this poem around, keep these lines there!

Hi!
I've got the exact same comment as MKate:

MKate wrote:Hi, ehte92

I really enjoyed this poem, it felt deep and pure somehow, and I loved how you gave such a clear view of the girl's character. Very nice!

The only thing I would suggest is that you cut out some of the 'ands' and 'the-s' in your stanzas, it slows the poem down and draws your mind away from the rhymes- taking away from the meaning in the story, and perhaps add a few more descriptive words in their stead.

For example, in the first few lines...

There was a girl who always dreamt to touch the sky;
A girl who always wished, like a bird, she could fly.
There was a girl who never would say no;
And for whom life was always just right in flow.

Of course these are only suggestions, but I think if you tried this out similarly throughout the rest of the poem, it will help it to flow better and keep the reader interested in what clever thing you'll say next

Hope this helped, and love your poem!

~Mel

But it's so true, and I love it!