Emmzziee wrote:Change my shadow,
my shapeshifting thing I like shapeshifting, but you should use a stronger adjective in place of "thing"
twist me and bloat me and
make me cry,
for the beautiful girl
no more reflects in these eyes. I like what you're trying to say here, but the way you worded this line makes it sound like it's not even a sentence. Perhaps you meant "who no longer reflects in these eyes"?
My magic mirror, comma
Speak for me;
am I the creature
with which I loathe to see? Again, very awkward wording of a line. I would try removing the word "with".
Are you the cause
of this useless pain
or are you simply
lying again? Love thisMirrors can be tricky.
Tangled mess,
Greasy skin,
Chubby tummy,
Double chin?
Is this an ugly girl
that I see
in my mind?
... Or really me? If you plan on keeping this ending, perhaps change it to "Or is she / really me?" "Or really me" looks a bit poorly constructed.
Overall, though, for a short piece this is pretty good. It could use a little work, but I definitely enjoyed giving it a look.
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