Glitter In the Dark-Prologue

Spoiler

Feel free to tear this to shreds! You see lately I haven't been able to come up with any kind of plot! So I'm trying out an idea I got, this is merely the prologue so if it's an epic fail you can let me know once some more chapters are posted!
Thanks for reading!

I grew up being told that stars could send wishes up to heaven. My mother would tuck me in at night and whisper stories about the marvels of the star palace, the realm where stars lived. She would make them all out to seem grand and majestic, give them names and histories. My mothers face would become so animated and full of joy whenever she was telling a story about the stars. Father claimed that was the only time she was truly at peace.

The bedroom I slept in was a creation of my mothers; she made it very clear that I was to feel as if I was sleeping in the stars at night. Everyone spoke of her warmly, saying that she emitted warmth and kindness with every gesture. I remember her hair and the way waves rippled through it, drawing out its beautiful blonde color. Her complexion was never faltering, something that I had always been envious of even as a small child.

Father would sometimes jest that it was as if mother had drank from the fountain of youth, ensuring that her glorious looks would always last. I knew that father loved my mother more than anything in the world by the way he would hold her, tenderly and full of protection.

That was another thing I had longed for, to be held and loved like my mother. In everyone’s eyes my mother was perfect, my eyes included, everything she did had a reason. A reason that was full of sense and would help the greater good. My mothers name was Elena, and she was very proud of its meaning. Elena means light, and that was exactly what my mother was me, a light to brighten my darkest days.

Hey, Ally. I'll nitpick first, then get on to the main body of the review. Be warned though, I'm almost definitively anti-prologue. xD

I grew up being told that stars could send wishes up to heaven.

Love this first sentence.

My mothers face would become so animated and full of joy whenever she was telling a story about the stars.

You need an apostrophe in "mother's".

The bedroom I slept in was a creation of my mothers

Either an apostrophe in "mother's" again, or rearrange this sentence. Personally, I'd go for the latter, because it's a little clunky. Try, "my mother's creation".

Everyone spoke of her warmly, saying that she emitted warmth and kindness with every gesture.

The second half of this sentence has a strange flow. Consider rewording?

Her complexion was never faltering

I know what you mean, but the idea that a complexion could "falter" is quite odd. It doesn't seem like quite the right word.

In everyone’s eyes my mother was perfect, my eyes included, and everything she did had a reason.

A reason that was full of sense and would help the greater good.

This seems slightly over the top, mainly because you mention the greater good. It's just such a stock fantasy phrase. I'd cut this sentence and use an adjective in front of reason in the previous sentence, such as "selfless".

My mothers name was Elena, and she was very proud of its meaning.

I'd start a new paragraph here.

Okay, there isn't much to pick at bar little mistakes which could easily just be typos, partly because it's so short. I like the theme of stars, and I understand that this is going to be important in the rest of the novel. Best guess I can hazard is that her mother was a fallen star, or something of the sort? Reminds me a lot of the daughter of Ramandu, in CS Lewis' Voyage of the Dawn Treader, so that's probably why. I also like that you're viewing her character through rose-tinted glasses, and the implication of the father's statement that she's only at peace when talking about stars suggests that otherwise, she wasn't as happy as the MC seems to think. It's a really sweet introduction.

However, I did mention above that I'm not always in favour of prologues. There are very rare occasions when I believe they're necessary, but most of the time, writers - particularly fantasy writers - seem to add them for no apparent reason. There's been many a prologue which I've read, only to completely forget about for most of the novel, because it doesn't really have any relevence other than to act as preamble for the opening chapter. This is a fairly good article on when you need a prologue, and when you don't.

Now, going on the above, there are a few reasons for having a prologue that are valid - information needs to be presented, characters need to be introduced from an alternative point of view to the rest of the novel, or you want a hook. I can only assume that yours is the latter, but the main problem I have is that there is no hook here. It's a lovely self-contained passage about the MC's love for her mother, but there's very little to go on other than that. There's only the barest hint of conflict, as I mentioned above, though I would hazard a guess that you're thinking of having a motherless protagonist in the body of the novel. The last sentence is also quite abrupt. So, we have a very beautiful woman, who keeps everything right in the world, so much so that those around her are in awe, if feeling slightly inferior. Other than that, what is there for us to take away from this passage and propel us into the novel?

Even then, hooks are not necessarily a great use of a prologue. After all, what's a prologue other than a piece of writing, and what's this piece of writing got on Chapter 1? Yes, it gives you more free reign to write without having to introduce the protagonist directly, with a lot of details, like names and places and description, but Chapter 1 can be just as interesting for the reader.

I'm not inclined to suggest cutting this, because as I said in the first paragraph, I really like it as a standalone piece. Also, I understand through your spoiler that you haven't come up with a plot in its entirety yet, so there's no wonder that this doesn't lead anywhere in particular. There is a use for prologues I haven't mentioned yet - getting ready to write and familiarising yourself with the story. So, ignoring the reader's reaction to this for a moment, I'd suggest you keep this until you've written some more of the chapters, and then come back to it and see how necessary it really is. It may be that it was just a way of getting yourself into the novel.

Of course, I can't know any of this for sure, seeing as I haven't read Chapter 1, but I've assumed that you're not changing perspective in the novel. Please feel free to correct me! Also, at the end of the day it's totally up to you whether you have a prologue or not, and I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to abandon them if you realise you actually don't need it at all. I'm just giving my first impressions.

Hope this gives you some ideas, or at least some feedback.

- Jet.

Hey,
I really liked this prologue, it gave me a good introduction to the story, but I was a bit unsure about what the star thing was about. You could have done a little bit more explaining on that point. Not too much more, but I did get a little confused.
Apart from that, I liked the flow of it and you could build a good story out of this. I'd love to hear some more about it.

Alright, so, I'll say this-that was very well written-a piece that played with the imagination and the readers emotions.
Although I have to admit that I don't like prologues, this was good.
How will it tie into the novel?
That's always the question because people could write spectacular prologues, and never relate it back to the story.
Try to decide if this prologue is truly necessary.

~WickedWonder

Hi there, Ally. Lavvi in to review.

There's not much I can say. In actuality, you haven't introduced to a plot. All I felt like I was reading was a melodramatic description of this girl and her parents. I've read tons and tons of prologues and first chapters in novels that seem exactly like this. I realise that you've mentioned you haven't been able to come up with a good plot yet, but you will. It'll just come to you. Just like the snap of fingers.

I'm not going to critique a lot of this piece, simply because Jetpack's already beat me to it But I'll talk about the rest of it.

You have nice descriptions in this short prologue, but I still found those quite cliché. There's so many authors I can think of that write similarly to your style. But then perhaps you haven't discovered 'your style' yet. It takes time and I totally understand what it's like to have a bad case of Writer's Block. Good exercises to cure yourself of this terrible thing are writing prompts which you can easily acquire here at YWS or simply by Googling 'writing prompts'. Those usually work to spark great ideas, even if it's the weirdest story ever

To a plot discussion. In a prologue, usually a brief idea of the plot is introduced. At least. I see no introduction of a plot here, except that maybe this girl's mother is dead. But is that the plot? I can't really see how. It's easy to expand your prologue by simply adding a paragraph or two that subtly hint to a plot.

I hope I helped!

Lavvi

*And don't forget to check over your spelling and grammar, like Jetpack's already noted.

Hey Ally! So, I'm not going to leave a really long review, sorry... but I just thought I'd tell you what I think, and, you know, contribute to the Review Day and all...

The bedroom I slept in was a creation of my mothers; she made it very clear that I was to feel as if I was sleeping in the stars at night.

Okay, so (I didn't read all the above reviews, sorry if this was already mentioned) you say the bedroom was her mother's creation, but I'd like a description... I guess there's some sort of skylight, but maybe you could just make it clearer... and, also, you said "in the stars" which sounds a bit odd, but maybe it's what you were going for.

So, this leaves me curious... like, if it were a book I would definitely want to turn the page and learn more... That's my main impression, and, yeah, it's a prologue, we're not supposed to know exactly what the plot is yet, that's okay. I just hope it's exposed soon, and I enjoy it

As for the question of if this has potential; yes, I think it does. Er... that being said, I don't know exactly what this story's going to be about, but it certainly sounds interesting at this point.

PM me when you post more, kay?

--
Tabby

Easily the best part of this was the bedtime stories that the mother tells the daughter. Really fairytale-ish and strangely comforting

The only REAL criticism I can make is that the girl seems to idolize the mother a little too much; I'd tone that down just a bit.

Other than a couple of nitpicks, I want to see where you go with this You're a really talented writer, and I tip my hat to you, ma'am!