A Tale From Someone With a Tail.

I randomly wrote this one night out of boredom. I don't know if it is considered poetry or not. I don't know what it's considered, actually!!!


Pearls glisten, and viewers listen as I lament about my fate as dried fish jerky,
For I am lost at land and shore, I yearn to hear the waves call me home,
I don’t want to end up as smoked fish in this hot dry place called land,
As people pass, glance my way, I pour out my emotions to the smelly seaweed.

Magical creatures exist; can you guess yet what I may be?
Though fishy sounds quite dismaying, fishless is even more so,
I grieve my gorgeous fins daily; the loss of my scales is my foe,
I fear I shall end up as sushi if I don’t find a waterway soon,
That thought scares me immensely for I don’t want to miss the noon tide.

I was once a beautiful fishy, lost in love with the sea,
I was once a happy-go-lucky, as my gills charmed even the sharks,
I combed my hair and sang all day, while wearing seashells and clay,
For being what I was born to be was a blessing I yearn to this day,

And if you have not yet discovered, (idiot if so) I am once what was known as a myth,
I’m shown in magnificence only, my favorite skill boasting my brain;
For you see I am quite a rare genius since making this whole tale as true,
And stuck in this lonely wet pool I find myself dreaming of being marooned!
As I’d no longer feel like fresh seafood, and I’d no longer be simply a loon,
If only wishes were horses, I’d ride into a land town’s saloon

My story is nearing completion; I will soon be back as I was,
I’m almost finished with fables, for I’ll now announce I’m a mermaid,
Though I said I was a maid with a ‘mer’, I might simply be a drunk,
Or maybe not even such standards; I could really be merely a mad man!
It is up to you as reader, to come to your own conclusion, for I simply am foretelling,
Foretelling a tale told to me.

I liked this. It was different and really did make me smile.
The structure made me feel like I was reading a story however; though I do know its a descriptive poem
I liked it though, I felt like I was a watcher, overseeing what was being said and it was beautiful.
A powerful amazing poem.
I especially loved this:

I am once what was known as a myth

It made it magical and was the correct touch for this.
Well done!

Aww, what a cute poem! I like the length of the lines, it's different and refreshing. It's usually hard to pull off such long lines, but you manage it well, not putting too much information in each of them.
I am in love with the first line, truly, it's hooking (hah, hook, like a fish hook, get it) and I think it has amazing flow to it. However, you seem to sporadically sprinkle rhymes throughout the poem; clay and day, glisten and listen, maroon, loon and saloon, etc. Since they're in random places within the stanzas, I feel sort of disjointed and confused when I read them. I think they would work a lot better if you either followed some kind of rhyming pattern, maybe limerick style, or took out the rhymes altogether. That being said, I beg you, if you choose to take out the rhymes, to keep the first line intact, because I think the listen and glisten part is fantastic, regardless of whether or not anything else in the poem rhymes. It's sort of an interesting tease, but for the rest of the poem it can get a little confusing.
The other thing that stuck out is that the stanzas are different lengths. I don't know about other people, but this annoys me. It's probably just a lesser form of OCD, but I feel like it would flow a lot nicer if they were all four or five lines. I guess I like my poems to be a little more orderly, but that's just my opinion!
Overall, I think this is an adorable little poem, and it's cute that each stanza reveals another little clue, as blunt as they may be, and I like that the mermaid teases the reader if you don't guess what it is. Great job

Hi Matthews,

This was a really good poem! It felt mystical and magical and the imagery was great. Problems? In some areas it rhymed, some it didn't. So maybe make it all rhyme or all not rhyme? I personally think it would sound even better if it rhymed! Otherwise, it was a great puzzle and sense-sparker!

Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

That was great. I'm afraid that I'm saying what has been said before, but the rhymes were confusing. Other than that, you were great. I love the title, and the imigry, and the funny little lines along the way. You did a great job. I don't usually laugh at poems, but I did on this one.

Matthews! You, yeah you!

The first thing I wanted to tell you was that this is definitely a poem. It would probably be considered 'narrative' poetry, but you might want to double-check on that. xD

Honestly though, I needed a break from serious, gloomy poems, so this was incredibly refreshing. The one thing I found that threw me off upon opening the poem was the extremely long lines. Now, this definitely is not wrong, it's just a personal preference of mine. You could probably split these lines in half, which would be easier for me to read. Then again, not everybody will have the same opinion about it. xD

The second thing I wanted to point out was your rhymes: Most of them were simple and cute, and they worked well. There were a few, however, that seemed a bit forced and unnatural.

For example:

Matthews wrote:For you see I am quite a rare genius since making this whole tale as true,
And stuck in this lonely wet pool I find myself dreaming of being marooned!
As I’d no longer feel like fresh seafood, and I’d no longer be simply a loon,
If only wishes were horses, I’d ride into a land town’s saloon

That is one rhyme that threw me off. The rhymes just didn't seem quite as natural as most of the others.

That aside, this made me smile, and it was a nice break from the life-sucks-so-much stuff.

Thanks for the read! ;D

I KNEW IT!!! After I posted this and looked at it and I was like "I bet they're all gonna comment on the uneven rhyming!" LOL Anyway, I will fix that, as I saw it was confusing, myself being the writer.

And yes Isha, that rhyme WAS rather difficult. Mainly "marooned". Thanks everyone!

My story is nearing completion; I will soon be back as I was, I’m almost finished with fables, for I’ll now announce I’m a mermaid,Though I said I was a maid with a ‘mer’, I might simply be a drunk,Or maybe not even such standards; I could really be merely a mad man!It is up to you as reader, to come to your own conclusion, for I simply am foretelling,Foretelling a tale told to me.

This was my Favorite. Piece great poem i really liked how you kinda confused the reader to the end saying you might have been a dronkard that was kinda funny.

Keep writing

My story is nearing completion; I will soon be back as I was, I’m almost finished with fables, for I’ll now announce I’m a mermaid,Though I said I was a maid with a ‘mer’, I might simply be a drunk,Or maybe not even such standards; I could really be merely a mad man!It is up to you as reader, to come to your own conclusion, for I simply am foretelling,Foretelling a tale told to me.

This was my Favorite. Piece great poem i really liked how you kinda confused the reader to the end saying you might have been a dronkard that was kinda funny.

Keep writing

My first reaction: confusion! I couldn't get what you were talking about. Then I read to the end, and I sort of ended up getting it. Are you trying to get a particular style with this piece? It felt like you were jumping back and forth between "gracefulness" and funny adjectives, if you can get what I'm saying. Everything else aside, I liked it!