Blind

I stare around
with my glazed eyes,
and wonder

How did I get here?

How am I still standing?

The people around me have
no idea
what I am going through.
And I don't even think they care.

My eyes crust over
with tears
and I have to hold them back
because it's a sign of weakness

and that is wrong.

I can't do this anymore.
It's eating me alive.
Shredding me apart.

What will I gain?
What will I lose?
Is it even worth it?

And this time,
I don't know if it is.

I close my eyes and
pull my books closer.
I feel a tugging on my shirt.
I look and see my friend

(Is she my friend?
My conscious betrays me
by asking).

She asks if I'm all right.
I lie and tell her everything's fine;

then, she and I walk down the hall
to our next class.

I just wish sometimes
that people could see past
the mask.
That people could see that
I'm not ok; that I need help.

I doubt they'd help
but it be nice

if everyone wasn't so blind.

Great piece. I often feel this when I'm talking with my friends... most times they never notice when something's wrong, and when they do, they make a joke about it. It's hard to tell if they actually care when they never seem to acknowledge the fact that something's bothering me, and I need help with it. Lord knows I can't tell them myself.

Anyway. Aside from the rambling, I enjoyed this. You convey your emotions well while keeping everything uniform and controlled, and this is definitely something that a lot of people can connect to. Overall, again, great piece.

My only suggestion is that bolded line in the middle of the piece. While I don't really have a taste for emphasis such as bolding or some kinds of italics (depends on how you use it) in poetry, I was able to look past that for this poem. What caught my eye is that you used pretty decent language throughout your piece, and then right when you hit that big, bold line and draw all of my attention in, it says: "and that is wrong." While you get your point across, it's a bit dull in light of the rest of this piece. I'd suggest, if you're going to have it stand out like that, using some more concise and descriptive words, especially considering it's sort of the center of attention in this poem.

Other than that, you did a really good job with this. Definitely impressed. Keep it up!

Awesome, really emotional but something people can really relate too. I feel like this with my parents and friends. I hide behind a mask and the only way I let people see who I really am and what I really feel is by writing.

I really liked this, it's true, emotional, and well written. It seemed to me that you have interesting breaks in the stanzas, like here:

She asks if I'm all right.
I lie and tell her everything's fine;

then, she and I walk down the hall
to our next class.

I guess it just feels like there shouldn't be a gap. It's probably just me. You have that in a few other places as well...but yeah, I loved this!

Thanks for commenting! Well, earendil, that bolded line was what I tried to convey as what I was consistently told or what was implied constantly on different occasions. I think you may have a point, I'm going to look over the entire poem again and think about revisions but I don't know if I'll change anything. Thanks for the headsup, though. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

And, brokeninpieces, I like how your comment was short and simple. It was interesting how you told me you hid behind a mask. On an off-topic, what is your mask? If you ever need to talk just PM me and I'll listen. Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it but kind of sad that you can relate.

Finally, Matthews, I wrote that line like that, in the stanza, because I felt that the mood changed and that the emotion of that was complete....or something. It's hard for me to explain. Thanks for the comment.

Thanks everyone again. I was really happy with this piece and am glad that the feeling didnt fall short. Please keep reading and I'll try to return the favor.

Heyy! This was really good. It spoke to me, because I walk through the halls most days and feel like I am wearing a mask just trying to get by without people asking me questions. Anyways, I liked the way you formatted the piece with some lines shorter then others. Also, I thought the flow of the piece was good. The short sentences helps get the point across that the speaker is confused and wants help. Great Job!

I didn't find any errors for spelling or punctuation, so nicely done on that part. Sorry I don't have much to say that is constructive, but praise is good too right? Keep it uppp!

-Jessa

Thanks for the comments. I don't know what to say but just thanks. Ya, I'm special like that.

i love it! great job

This shows perfectly how people can look at things and yet not SEE them. They are aware that they're there, but they don't look deep enough past the masks. In my opinion, we as humans tend to do too much of that. This piece brings that problem to awareness. Great job!

The feeling in this is really common; I like that. That's how I feel alot, I know there's something wrong with them and always ask, but when there's something wrong with me, my friends don't notice.

Like most everyone has said, these are similar feelings that almost everyone has had. But we all deal with them differently and the way you express them in words is very unique. I did feel like you could break this up into stanzas and it almost sounds like prose; more of like a short story but with a strong poetry sound. Keep writing!