Beauty

I hope that I shall never see,
that "poem as lovely as a tree",
for if it were, and if did I,
I should fall upon my knees and cry.

For then true beauty would be found,
which is something saved for the divine,
we'd gaze upon the crisp black print,
the words kept from the mortal mind.

This was a very good poem. It was beautifully written and seemed to have a meaning that I couldn't quite get. But it was really really really really really good anyway. Sorry but I can never get the meanings in poems. It's my curse. I don't get the whole " poem as lovely as a tree" thing but that's probably my issue. Wait now I get it!!!!!! My stupid curse is lifted. Bless you Jackolantern!!!!!!!! Anyway thanks. It's a really good poem. keep writing.

jackolantern wrote:I hope that I shall never see,
that "poem as lovely as a tree", That comma should really be inside the quotation marks.
for if it were, and if did I,
I should fall upon my knees and cry.

For then true beauty would be found,
which is something saved for the divine, This line could be improved.
we'd gaze upon the crisp black print,
the words kept from the mortal mind. [colour=#0040FF]This stanza is the best part of the poem.[/colour]

Okay, sorry for being a little harsh there, I think this is a really good poem. I particulary liked the shortness of it; when I write poetry, I tend to go on and on, but you kept it very short, and elusive. I like that. I could say about the non-capitalisation on every line, but I know some people do that, and so I won't mention it.

Overall, this is a really great poem, and you should be proud of it. You have real talent. Keep writing!

I didn't really get the meaning of this, and usually that's not the case.

For then true beauty would be found,
which is something saved for the divine,
we'd gaze upon the crisp black print,
the words kept from the mortal mind.

"which is something saved for the divine" didn't read very easily. Maybe try taking the "something" out. Or "which is something saved only for the divine" Idk, just didn't seem the best line.

"we'd gaze upon the crisp black print,
the words kept from the mortal mind." LOVED this, it was really sweet. The "the" before "mortal" could maybe be changed to an "a" but its great either way.

The second line was much better than the first, at least in my opinion. The first left me feeling baffled and even after reading it several times it wasn't easy to read. What's lovely about a tree? And why would you cry?

Overall:
Good job and keep writing, hope I don't offend

I really didn't get this poem. Your grammar was off, so you should proofread it before you submit. And also, when you wrote

"poem as lovely as a tree",

I didn't get this statement at all. And also, puncuation goes inside quotation marks. Don't hat me, just doin' my job.

Tyler.

I liked this. I think the line everyone said didn't make sense "poem as lovely as a tree", could be changed to
A poem "As lovely as a tree," (you might not even need that comma there, I'm not sure).
All in all, I thought this was very nice. refreshing and short. Love you!

I liked the deep hidden meaning in this poem, but I think it's a little sloppy. You try to use a rhyming scheme, but it just doesn't flow very well - maybe that's because of punctuation or something. Overall, it's a nice idea, you should just present it more carefully.

thanks so much for all the feedback! i'm going through and editing this evening! just so everyone knows, the line "poem as lovely as a tree comes from another poem, whose last stanza reads, "i think that i shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree, for poems are made by fools like me, while only god can make a tree." thanks again! this was really really helpful!