Finally

This is really good! I really like it especially because I feel like I know exactly what you are going through. I like the way it was written very, very simply yet it conveyed a really strong and emotional message. This poem pretty much said exactly what I've been feeling lately about some things in my life. This was really very good

Hello!

First I shall explain my technique, I review on content and refer to a poem as scales. The perfect poem has the perfect balance of imagery and emotion!

Okay, here it would not be balance. It is quite emotion based but you have very little imagery to back up the poetic claim. If you don't have imagery, it become little more than a story. I think if you scan over you could find places where to put it but you really need some in here to make it stand out.

On the topic of standing out, you're writing in quite a cliché topic. This is fine for poetry! But you need to make it stand out, so delve into your imagery and make a really new outstanding metaphor for your pain! As if you don't put have a new unique metaphor it just falls into place and becomes and average poem, which it shouldn't be!

Now, this may just be me. But I really dislike your layout. I, personally, think it should be all left alligned and in black, with the exception that italics bold ect, can be used to emphasise perfect part. Here, I don't think it's aids your piece at all, so I would change the format, however this is jus my view and if you wish otherwise, do so!

So over all good, but you should try and edit I think!

Keep it up!
PM me for anything!

~Retro Disco666

I liked this a lot. It was well-made and fun to read. (no offense) I did notice how it sometimes felt forced, like the rhythm was disturbed. I think this poem could be even better if you edited a little bit and made the flow smoother. But other than that, I really like how you constructed this. The stanzas were easy to read and you did a good job of writing on this.

Thanks people! When I do edit it, I'll keep your advice in mind, but right now I'm trying to make a happy poem for this contest my English teacher put me in. Does anyone have any ideas? I have to make a Haiku and I've only done one before and it sucked.

I like the message it conveys, but I agree it has little imagery, and seems rather forced. In the first two stanzas you overuse the word "finally" it is used four times. Try using "at last I'm free of this burden" or something with a little more imagery, and less repeats of one word.

Also, as is with the rest of this work, this line has little imagery.

"It makes me so happy and sad at the same time."

Try "The bittersweet mixture of joy and pain" as an example.

Just work on adding more poetic phrases instead of just "telling" us. Keep it up, and good job.

Speechless again. I love the way it's so sad yet so wonderful.

Wow....
just... wow.
amazing poem.
Perfect flow, great rhythm, absolutely fantastic choice of words....

I utterly adore this poem. You are a very, very good poet and writer.

Amazing.

Keep writing (and never stop).

Thanks everbody! I loved writing this poem, afterwards, I felt so good. This poem, I wrote really did happen to me. A man I had fallen in love with (and still have feelings for) had left me, because... Well, he wasn't ready for me,and it took me months to be able to write this poem, so it means a lot to me that everyone likes it. I do agree it needs imagery, but for the fact it's about that man, I'll leave it.

Hey, i really realte to this poem, sorry if that's a little weird. Anyway, I can completely see someone thinking this if you were trying to put a mental image in the readers mind, sorry if that’s not what you were going for but that’s what I got from this. I just have one comment, the line “It makes me so happy and sad at the same time.” I would revise this sentence if I were you, maybe “I can see the our never-ending possibilities fade away, and while I regret to see you go, I know I’ll be better off in the end—just wait and see”
I don’t know—that just popped into my head, please don’t feel like you have to use it. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading ;D

Hello.

I think you're dealing with a heavy topic here and if you simply wanted to convey a message then you did just that. You told a story, and if this wasn't broken up into lines and stanzas, it's not exactly poetry. The reviewers above commented about your lack of imagery and I completely agree with them. This poem lacks substance, it's like looking at a simple water-color painting when you could have done something so much more with this, a 3D image.

I think you chose a good subject to write about and you were able to get your point across. The problem is that I understand this poem and that's about it. You didn't really make me sympathize or empathize with this poem. This appealed only to my mind when a poem with such a heavy subject should really be appealing to all of my senses.

The other thing that bothered me is the full stops at the end of every line. It makes this poem really choppy. Again, it makes me feel like I'm reading a paragraph as opposed to a stanza.

Anyway, I definitely think you can do better and I'd love to read more from you.

--Nixie

I honestly wasn't crazy about this poem. I don't like much how you speak so casually. I feel as if you're almost just talking, having a conversation. If you edit it and take some of the words out that you use more than needed, it would be an amazing poem. Good job! Keep it up!

i completely relate to this poem. there isn't very much imagery but that's okay by me because sometimes poems without imagery are refreshing. it keeps you from having to analyze too much lol. anyways, i really like this poem and im sure there are many other people in the world who relate to it as i do. good work