I plan on writing this as a book and I want your opinion about the beginning taking in mind that this is my first try in this section. I want to make everybody see what might be the life of the Egyptian girl these days so here it goes. This is the first couple of entries (don’t forget to reply and please try to tell me if the story interests you…):
Jan. 5th 2011
You may think anything happen in my life but you are sure wrong. For a girl that lives with her grandmother after her mother’s death and parents divorce nothing does simply because nobody cares any more ( except for your grandma….. don’t even think my grandma is from my father’s family. to them I am nobody after my mother’s death, divorce, my father marring someone else and forgetting about me……). The only amusement I have is when I go out with my cousins ( same age as me and we were raised to think of each other like brothers and sisters although my twin gets along better with my cousin Salma while I get along better with her brother Mohammed). My aunt tries to look out for me but she has four kids and a husband to take care of in addition to running her own computer company…. Go figure. My uncle feels the same way about me but I believe part of this treatment is because he used to treat my mother like crap.
To me I feel like nothing matters any more…. Many people believe I am talented and wise for my age ( don’t like to waste my life crushing over boys and making myself deaf by listening to a “wonderful” bands all day long and having a great ability to understand others) and that my only problem is having no hope (wonder why?...). The only thing that kept me from killing myself is writing. It doesn’t have to be anything specific just anything like a song about how my dad is the worst dad ever or even about the crazy ideas I sometimes have.
In my opinion age is calculated by the experience a person goes through, this is why some “grown ups” still watch Barney. Simply a child in the body of an adult man. I made a deal with my grandmother to let me skip school if I study for my midyear English exam today. To be honest I didn’t study anything except the phrasal verbs and the idioms and I still have grammar, literature, vocab… I don’t feel like studying now… may be I would just sneak the world’s oldest laptop I have in our studying room (a room too small all that can fit is two mini - desks for me and my twin and a library that is hung at the wall) and take a look at the yws (young writers society)a site that I feel at ease putting my writings on. I assume the only thing that you can make me excited about is writing. I am not a big fan of “diaries” (they get stolen, lost, which always lead to it being read by your brutal enemies) but it helps me to calm down and think straight if I put all of my thoughts and feelings on paper. I just doodle this on my computer, protect it from anyone nosy with a password and keep it there.
Egypt is so different than other countries like the US, France… People in Egypt never complain and never defy anyone in a high position no matter what they let their self be robbed from their rights, tortured by every mean, humiliated in front of their loved ones, ….and if anybody does it is as if he dug his own grave. For me, I am considered from the upper middle class although I can’t even get some money to go out or do anything because I cannot afford to do that except once in a while. I am considered one of the very lucky people that get to be in one of the best private schools in Egypt (my mom used to work there so we use her discount). If I were not that lucky I would be stuck with governmental schools that has no bathrooms and has over than 50 pupils in one class if I keep saying how governmental schools are I am going to need ages. I love that I am in a school like mine. All the teachers are Americans so you guarantee they teach you how to pronounce everything correctly when you are young instead of saying “the” in a wrong way.
Some people make sure the Egyptians never look like proper human beings by acting “in a certain way” everybody know. I hate that people think we go around killing others like series killers. Nobody bothers to try and go to schools to see how Egyptian children really are, visited a family to see how we care about each other, nothing… they get this whole idea from newspapers and magazines. Nobody tries to see how we react when we hear about a terrible accident or even a great one (as if we have any).
I don’t understand why others believe teens are so dump they don’t even understand what they REALLY mean and REALLY say. In Egypt if a man marries a woman and they got divorced the man should pay the woman money to take care of the children that always and by law stay with their mother until they get married. One of the things I hate about Egypt is that you have to be at least 18 years old to drive instead of 16 although you get your social security number when you become 16. I should be going now my grandma is calling for me and asking me to show her what I did so far in my English (yawn….)
Jan.20th 2011
I wasn’t able to write due to my midyear exams. I had to study 24/7 to be able to pass the “tests” the ministry of education thought it was “perfect” for us. They just try their best to make as many students as possible fail so they can reduce the amount of college graduates every year to solve the huge unemployment problem the government has to face. You might have thought that the unemployment problem has to be faced by Americans only after their economical crisis but you are wrong and as it is said in Egypt “graduates spend their day at coffee shops every day”. Every Egyptian knows it is true LOTS and LOTS of people can’t get jobs because they don’t know how to speak English or French which are only taught in private schools. My grandmother took away my laptop untill just an hour ago because my sister didn’t want to study and made a huge fuss about it and ended up pretending to study and trying to figure out what else to do while her metal songs were kept away in her laptop in a place well hidden by my grandmother.
like any other last day of school year or term all the “normal” teenagers went out together in groups I didn’t belong to any of it everybody knows that in those days everybody brings their clothes and tries to show off and you what is ironical getting four remarks about how great I looked and two boys drooling over me just because of how I looked for the clothes I picked in seconds before my grandmother came shouting from her room that I am late for school. I hate material girls that spread roamers that they know they are not true because they know they made it up. I also hate boys sucking up to you when they see you in out of school uniform (just a boring red t shirt which is the most color I hate). I it wish I can just tell them to control his hormones or something I can feel their eyes looking at you and undressing you bit by bit imagining how will it feel like. For me I know I am afraid of commitment even if it was as simple as being some boy’s girl friend I just know I can’t I admit I like one boy and he is crazy about me but I just can’t be with him each time he tries to get near me we get really close to be together then I freak out and hurt him thanks to what I heard and saw from divorce.
I don’t think I will ever get married. Every marriage ends up with everybody getting hurt. When my father and mother first got divorced I was six. My father tricked my mother into thinking he doesn’t get a huge salary. I had to go to a school that was so low class. Honestly, it was the happiest time of my life. I found out they are divorced when my father didn’t come to spend the summer with us in my mother’s family shalet. My mother’s uncle instant present also gave me a clue. My mother’s father was died and her uncle was treated as if he was her dad. He didn’t have any kids and to him my mother was his only child. He decided to leave for a vacation from work in Jordon and he came rushing to her side I remember them telling us to quietly go to our rooms while the grownups chat a little. I forgot to tell my mam something so I rushed back to her side. That was when the news became real I hid myself quickly so nobody can see me and I rushed back to my room I felt like I was flouting like somebody has stabbed me and now the pain was spreading all over my body like a deadly disease. I looked at my sister with a look of astonishment and pain I was looking for someone anyone to tell me this is not true. I told her that they got divorced “so what?” was all what she said. I became senical I began asking my mom where was my dad every second in every day. I was desperate and I don’t know if I wanted to punish her or I was just trying to deny it. I needed her to tell me the truth I never gave anybody any clue that I knew what was going on. I just kept it all inside me finally my mother told me the truth. She tried to be strong to look as in the eye to break it to us in the easiest way. I tried to support her, to tell her that I won’t break, to show her that she can tell me anything and that I will always be there for her to aid her through this, to tell her we are a family even without my dad. From that day I never recall us gathered in the dining room me, my twin, my mother and my dad eating together. I never recall mam ever preparing the scrambled egged with tomatoes, pepper and onion for breakfast on Friday mornings. I never recall seeing my dad reading the paper in his day off that he used to spend with us. I never used to like the scrambled eggs my dad adored but ever since I loved them and missed them even if I don’t like how they tasted. I loved what they represented my dad but I never liked how it acted in my mouth. You may think that my parents divorce is the reason behind how I can’t just allow myself to have a boyfriend but you are wrong, I saw many other people, many other stories and tragedies like this one.
You can never say what your future holds up to you. You just have to face it and be strong. Ever since what happened my mother and I had the most amazing understanding ever. Every day after she finished her job as a teacher she would come home, take a little rest and tell us how her day was, how she arranged a dish party with her class and how she had fun with them, she told me how others wanted her to fail wanted to exploit her and sabotage her efforts for success and happiness with us. We forced each other to stay strong, to show others that we can do it; we can depend on my mothers work and be happy and satisfied.
I learned that no matter what god doesn’t forget you. God knows that when you pass a hard test he arranged for you you get rewarded. You find yourself again and life goes on and that is the most important thing in life.
…………. My grandmother is calling my name; I really should go I don’t want her to notice anything. I don’t know what happened but I know that now I feel better that I opened my heart and let out a story that was trapped in there for so long………….
Jan.26th 2011
Yesterday after my grandmother got sick of me sitting at home doing nothing she took me and my sister and headed out for our sport club (the shooting club in Dokki). My mother’s father is the one who subscribed in this club. It was well known that it was the only club the kings and queens who used to rule Egypt go to. It is still one of the top clubs in Egypt. We sat on a table and enjoyed the green view around us. It was hard to ignore such beauty. We ordered our lunch a bit later and then went to check out the new book store that just opened in the club.
My grandmother and I wanted to go to another place but we couldn’t. There were protesters everywhere in mid town and the club was the only option we had at the time. It is weird to hear that the quiet Egyptians have finally said something, that they finally opened the mouths that were shut for a long time. I felt a sudden erge in my chest when I saw them. I saw how they couldn’t take it anymore, how they defy being less important to others just because they were poor.
For a long time I always wanted to draw those images to give them a taste of Egypt to show how they feel. I wanted to curve the picture in my head. To prove to myself and others that even those people that you try to dissuade have the right to scream, to shout, to yell, to show that they are angry, to show that they still have a voice.
My aunt talked me into going to art lessons, she arranged for an art teacher to give me, my twin and Salma some lessons. I was kind of excited to know that my so called talent enabled my new teacher to give me lessons on oil painting. I always wanted to paint with oil colors. They enable others to make their drawings deep yet colorful. Many people have praised my drawing skills. Most of them caught me off guard doodling how one of the characters look in my text books. They say I am good but I know I am not as good as my twin but it is good to have to do something you like in your vacation other than TV.
After going to the club we turned to buy the supplies we needed for the art class. We bought it and went home after the long day we had. My grandmother might not be a lot of things but she sure likes art. She is pretty talented too. She also knows a lot about the subject. She can be nothing but loving and kind hearted when she is not screaming at as.
My dad said he will come and take us to spend the week end with him but I know he won’t. He never does what he says he will do. He didn’t call me for month so I didn’t. I know I am not that important to him. To him I just represent shame even if he tries not to show it.
Jan.29th 2011
The weirdest things have been happening all over the country. I thought that the Egyptian protest ended on Tuesday but it turned out to be the opposite. The Egyptian people began their protests that day. They kept on yelling with quotes that became well known for the Egyptians for years. Only know they say them public “ya gamal ol labook kol el masreyeen eyekrahook “ “yaskot mobarak” . In the first quote they ordered t he president’s son Gamal to inform his father that all the Egyptians wish him dead. In the second one they say that they want him off the presidency and that they want to see him down. He has been ruling Egypt for thirty long years doing nothing but stealing and burning and destroying every single sip of what is left of Egypt. I was amazed by what we did yesterday pulling down all those buildings and showing everybody how much we hate the president’s guts. A lot of our family members went to protest but others had to go hurrying to their work because two of my family members work at Vodafone and they were called for an emergency to come help cut off all the mobile phones. We were so worried because one of those who went to protest didn’t come home till 11 o’clock. I kept jumping up and down praying that nothing would hurt him. When the bell rang we all rushed to open and we all finally breathed when we saw him standing in front of us in one peace. Yesterday was supposed to be our families gathering day. Every Friday we all gather at my grandmother’s house waiting for her delicious food to enter our stomach but yesterday was not like that. We all were pinned to the tv waiting to see what happens. Then we heard about the important announcement they were about to make. It was becoming late and we were getting sleepy but none of us dared to sleep until we saw the “president” saying his speech about promises everybody is just sick of hearing. He had been saying the same for thirty years for god’s sake!! Doesn’t he know that nobody wants to see his stupid ugly ass again! Why didn’t he just surrender and give up?? Change the government ya right like this will set everything straight! He changed governments millions of times before and nothing happened. He just keeps on stealing more and more and sucking our blood. No, that is not satisfying enough the old beast is trying to make his son president after him!!!Not just that but he also ordered Vodafone and Mobinile and Etisalat to cut the service! Same as cutting the internet why doesn’t anybody judge him for this crime? Why doesn’t he be trialed internationally for forcing the phone companies to cut their service and the internet? Why doesn’t he get judged for adjusting everybody’s votes so he can be president again and again? If you had such president what would you do? What would you do when nobody is listening to you? When everybody is shutting you up while stealing everything you have? While laughing at you when you are thirsty while they are holding a cup of water teasing you with it? You explode!!! And this is what happened and what is still happening. I wish that some others would show some support. If they say they are fighting for human rights then where are they now? Why aren’t they judging the president? Nobody knows….nobody knows and nobody cares. For others Egypt is just another third world country that you know nothing about except how great its cotton feels. For me I don’t know what’s going to happen or where are we all going but I wish we don’t end up enduring this president for another thirty years just because nobody cares. I wish everybody would show that we deserve some dignity and that we are still human because lots of times we seem to forget. I wish we have the opportunity to be human again after they turned us into machines dedicated to their service. Many people start spreading lies about how we stole properties but that is simply expected because nobody knows what’s really going on there except the people that live there and the people that witnessed the events themselves.
Yesterday everybody was worried about everybody even my dad was worried about me and gave me a call but of course he had to hung up quickly before his wife finds out he is wasting “her” money on talking to people who “weren’t worth it” on the phone. We weren’t able to check on some people though because we only had their cell phone’s number only.
After the return of everybody home many stories has been told about what really happened there. One of them was about a group that carried who was injured into a mosque to help them but of course how can such a thing be done? The police kept on throwing bombs until this not so lucky group faced death due to lack of air and the amazing thing is that they were Muslims and they had no regrets about throwing bombs at the mosque. Another story was about when some entered a pharmacy to buy “kemamat” as we call it to protect them self from dying due to the bombs and the lack of air. The pharmacist refused to get paid for anything the protestors needed.
I am writing this now in the morning but god only knows what is going to happen I will sure write more if anything does…
Jan.31st 2011
A lot has happened in the past few days.i don’t know why I didn’t write every thing as soon as it happened maybe becouse I was to tense all the time afread to sleep or do any thing else and miss the news that happened and is still happenening every second. President moubarak hired a new gouverment but didn’t change 15 ministers ( so much for the change).
Many people used what was happeneing to their use after the police sudden disapearance. They enetered shops , malls and companies and stole every thing in there. Many peaple proved that those insidents were done by some of the police. Some people say that the president ordered them to do that to let them worry about those thefts and forget about the protests. The army is every were in streets to protect the sitizines and their properties……. The egyptian people arranged groups in every building to protect it by themselves. All males carried pieces of wood to hit the theifs with although a small group had guns like the theifs used. The banks and shops closed their doors to protect their investments. Screams were heard in lots of places when seeing the dangerous theifs.
Others invited the egyptian socity to make a huge protest of millions in midan el tahreer in addition to the strike every body was a part of today. Parents desided not to go to work during to the events in egypt. Many peaple were so tensed that they were afraid to breathe.
My uncle’s wife was so afraid when our driver came to her with the bread we brought them when they couldn’t find it. She didn’t know he was our driver and kept screaming for her husband and refused to open the door. Many events like this took place. Every body took turns in protecting their homes giving themselves only an hour or two to sleep them going back to protection. My grand mother told me she heard some body yell in the street at night saying that the theifs came to his house. She told me they cought him and gave him to the army in the street.
It was torture to see the vacation turn into a nightmare. I desided to rest and try not to think about what was happening but first I had to call my grandmother (my father’s mother). I heared their street was surrounded by theifs. Surprisingly she was friendly and acted as if she was about to call me just now to check up on us. It was so weird talking to her that way. I also had to call my step mam ( yuck!). I heard she was a reck. She didn’t have any food in her house even to feed my step sister my grandmother explained. Even she mocked the sure confronting stepmam that sound like a small weak dog now crying helplesly. I tryied not to mock her and gave my grandmother a phone number for people who bought food for others who couldn’t find it in this situation. I called her a couple of houres later. Her strong voice sounded so weak and it chock with fear…
Feb. 2nd 2011
Yesterday the president finally said that he won’t run for presidency again and that he is inviting others to vote to change the law number 76 and 77 wich are responsible for the laws of running for presidency and how many times can a president run for presidency. He finally confessed that he is ready to let go of presidency in a peacefull way. He also returned the internet to egypt.
I opened my facebook acount and checked my mail. We all were so happy the internet was back. We felt every thing was going to be fine again. We didn’t want to waste our vacation in this way. I called my cousins and we all congratullated each other.
For our bad luck protests started again and every body was fighting with everybody.the egyptians who agree that moubarak would lead egypt till the comeing elections fought with others who think some body else would lead us and that moubarak should leave now. I hate all those fights. My egypt used to be peacefull and the prices were not that high.
I tried to get my grades and see if they put them online like every year but no such luck. The website just kept reloading each time it opened. I didn’t expect the website to be this dump. I thought it would take a long time to load then it would open but this year they exeeded their limits in stupidity. After many tries it finally stopped. I entered my student’s seat serial number but it kept saying that there was no such number in the symtem. I cursed and yelled although I knew that it won’t help. I was just so angry.
My grand mother went shopping yesterday. I was sooo woried about her. I was so afraid. The army used to shot everybody that went out after 3 o'clock. At last she came and I finally breathed
