The end is near

Spoiler

This piece is incomplete.... I would like to add some more things to it....

That Night.
The mist of darkness.
The never ending depth of the abyss.
The lurking of the devil
in the shadows of evil.
The uncomfortable silence.
The corpses flooding the ambiance.
The rotten stench of the air.
The frosty breeze.
Anything in its path would freeze.
It is the feeling of fear.
The end is near.

The Moon.
It loses its shine.
It looks red like wine.
Is it the eye of the fiend?
Babies cry at its first sight.
It stares on Earth
as if to turn it into dirt.
It was the pearl
which was always dear.
It is now viscous as it appears.
The end is near.

The Earth.
Bells of hell break the silence.
The bell chimes of violence.
The beautiful homeland
is turned to a barren wasteland.
The green pastures are no more.
The smell of the Earth is not there anymore.
The soil is ripped apart.
The deuce arises from its heart.
Death haunts the air.
The end is near.

The Oceans.
Unleashing its rage on the lands.
Obeying the devil's' commands.
Taking the countries in its bosom.
Dissolving the people’s problems'.
The liquescent of the wintry rocks.
Submerges the grumpy docks.
The thirst quencher is no more sincere.
The end is near.

Hi! (EDIT: Woot! I just noticed, I made the first review! xD )

Nitpicks:

That Night.

- Wasn't this supposed to be 'The Night'? By the way, why are there supposed to be periods after the 'mini' titles?

It stares on earth
as if to turn it to dirt.

- I think, you should capitalize 'earth'. Also, I think, there's a better preposition than 'on' here.
- The succeeding line needs rephrasing. And, change 'to' into 'into'. (xD) Suggestion: 'as if it'll turn it into dirt'.

It is now viscous as it appears.

- I don't think 'viscous' is an appropriate adjective for a red moon. It's appropriate for 'wine' but not for the Moon.

The beautiful homeland.
Is turned to barren wasteland.

- Since the succeeding line is a continuation of the preceding one, remove the period and don't capitalize 'I' in 'Is'.
- Also, I suggest adding 'a' after 'to'.

The smell of the earth is not there anymore.

- Capitalize 'e' in 'Earth'.

Death haunts the air.
The end is near.

- That actually didn't rhyme. >.<

Obeying the devils commands.

- Correction: 'devil's'

Dissolving people’s problem.

- Maybe, you should change this to: 'Dissolving the people's problem/problems'.

The liquescent of the wintry rocks.
Submerges the grumpy docks.

- It seems like the succeeding line is a continuation of the preceding line here.
- 'liquescent' is not a noun. It seemed like you used it as one here.

The thirst quencher is no more sincere.
The end is near.

- It's not really a problem but 'the end is near.' seemed too short for the preceding line. XD


This is a really nice poem though I don't really get it >.<. I mean, I don't get what caused all of this tragedy or what actually is happening except the chaos and the 'end'. Other than that, you've got nice rhymes and nice imagery (though I'm not really good at imagining while reading). Also, I love the drama in it. xD The title is also pretty catchy.

This poem is interesting to read. Keep it up!

Heyo Ehte!

Well, I'm not a poet person, but I'll be happy to share my thoughts/comments with you.

So, first thing. While I like your theme and your presentation, the flow from Night to Moon to Earth to Oceans confuses me. I'm not sure I understand what transitions you're making/implying. I think it would read a lot better if these were structured better (Or, if you have, please tell me what it is. )

The lurking of the devil
in the shadows of evil.

Devil and evil? My head says no. I mean, sometimes, it's overused.

Bells of hell break the silence.

I like the use of silence here.
As whisperer said, viscous isn't the adjective needed. It is generally used to imply liquids of high viscosity and wine isn't.
As to rhyming, I'm not sure, I entirely get it. The flow is slightly off here and there, when you try to rhyme.
And using 'the end is near' in every stanza is something I'm not quite enjoying. It is used too much to give a big effect. Maybe once at the end will be good.

Hope to've helped
~Lava.

I absolutely LOVED them! They were all amazing! I agree with the above comments on the little grammatical corrects, however. But the imagery was phenominal! Personally, my favorite piece was "The Night". I loved how you incoporated the "abyss" and the devil. Beautiful

Really good, I could feel the anger and violence as if it was my own.

I am speechless. (good thing I'm typing). That is beautiful. My ideas are keep doing what you are and never stop. Though there is no such thing as being so good you can't get better.

This is very good, thank you for sharing it! I especially like the rhyming since it doesn't feel very forced as most poems do when rhyming is introduced.
For example:

Is it the eye of the fiend?
Babies cry at its first sight.

Fiend and sight don't rhyme, and at first I thought this might be for emphasis, but the I saw a few more examples that were close to rhyming, but didn't rhyme. The meaning of the poem didn't feel very warped to me or anything from the rhyming, and as well the different rhymes you used facinated mem they got very creative.

Again, thank you for shareing this. This poem was very creative and had some very powerful images and rhyming in it. A very nice job. I don't have anything else to say. Or rather I don't have enough energy to write anymore, because it is very late right now.
I'm looking forrward to your future works

Great piece you've got, here! I love the way the tension builds throughout the piece - your imagery's great. One thing I will suggest is to try to me more economic with your periods. Having so many short and simple sentences makes the poem read a bit choppy and really takes away from the actual flow from sentence to sentence. Perhaps add a few commas/semicolons? That may help you out a bit - if you choose to edit this in the future, that is.

Other than that, again, I think you did a pretty good job with this. You have the language going and it's apparent that you have the image in your head; it's more or less stringing everything together that needs some work, in my opinion. You're obviously welcome to disagree Keep it up, and great work!