The Flood

just a zombie story i'm working on... i dont know if i should bother continuing

Preface

It didn’t rain, it poured. None stop for weeks. Loads of suburbs were completely submerged, even my own. Meanwhile fires devastated the other half of Australia. It was like God wanted us all dead. Then it occurred to me that there was no God.

The flood waters receded, and people finally started putting their lives back together. The team work was terrific, it really showed the true Australian spirit – lives were lost but still we smiled and joked. Then came the viruses. The water was contaminated, the mosquitoes made the illness spread faster. Soon everyone was either dead or dying. Whole suburbs were quarantined, then they cut off the whole state.

But that didn’t stop it from getting to New South Wales. Soon after, Victoria and all the other states were sick too. The only safe places then were Tasmania and New Zealand. But not anymore. I don’t think anywhere’s safe. It’s just me against the world now.

If you're going to continue with this, I would spend the first chapter at least introducing these ideas into the text rather than using a preface. It's a useful summary of the setting, but it would perhaps be better as a reference for you than a part of the story. I think it's easier for the reader to appreciate some of these events if they're included in the narrative, as opposed to a block of information, which is more difficult to digest. I'm not sure if this was intended to be the start of a novel, or just the framework, so I'll leave that to stand and move on.

I don't usually read zombie stories, so I've not much to comment on plot-wise, other than your character.

It was like God wanted us all dead. Then it occurred to me that there was no God.

Those sentences, as well as the mention of the "dead and dying", leapt out at me as I read this. Your narrator has clearly been through a lot. When you're writing, keep in mind that this character wouldn't have been born a zombie-fighting-fugitive, and the ramifications of being alone "against the world" are psychological, too. I recommend reading I am Legend, by Richard Matheson, for pretty much the archetypal worldwide disease apocalypse situation. Don't be put off by Matheson's, or the publicist's, reference to "vampires"; they're far from Stoker's Dracula, let alone the modern take on vampirism.

Anyway, even if you don't think you should continue, I'd do so if you're enjoying the writing. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

- Jet.

Hey! here to review

Grammar in the spoiler:

Spoiler

Meanwhile, fires devastated the other half of Australia.
You missed a comma.

It didn’t rain, it poured. None stop for weeks. Loads of suburbs were completely submerged, even my own. Meanwhile fires devastated the other half of Australia. It was like God wanted us all dead. Then it occurred to me that there was no God.

Alright, so as an introductory paragraph this was quite good and left things to be later asnwered-well done. However, I think that you haven't thought enough about how to phrase everything to make it sound and look as good as possible. When you are explaining something, you generally use more longer sentences with a few long ones too, and when there is an action scene vice versa. In this paragraph, I felt that there were two many shorter sentences and it didn't read properly.
There is the paragraphy with my annotations:

It didn’t rain, it poured. I understand the difference but I don't think it read very well. Maybe try submerging the 'None stop for weeks' part with it to make a bigger sentacne or do it like this: It didn't rain. It pored. This is just a suggestion, remember;) None stop for weeks. Loads of suburbs were completely submerged, even my own. Meanwhile, fires devastated the other half of Australia. It was like God wanted us all dead. Then it occurred to me that there was no God. This seems like a rather big dicovery and you've used so little words to explain it.

The flood waters receded, and people finally started putting their lives back together. The team work was terrific, it really showed the true Australian spirit – lives were lost but still we smiled and joked. Then came the viruses. The water was contaminated, the mosquitoes made the illness spread faster. Soon everyone was either dead or dying. Whole suburbs were quarantined, then they cut off the whole state.

This whole bit seems really rushed, I understand that this is a preface and you don't want it to be too long but generally, it's quite short. The main problem here is that you're showing and not telling. Try and show things using dialogue, sensory language (the five senses, not just sight), be descriptive and be specific. Don't worry if your preface gets longer because it can be as long as you want .
Again, the last paragraph is also very rushed. I think you need to use more imagery and description to really push this piece forward.

What I liked--> You've started off a good story here with what I hope to be is an excellent plot line. It all seems to be very exciting and I definately think you should continue.
How to improve--> Right now, I don't think I can say there is much to this other that a plot. To improve, I think you need to firstly add more! This is really short and undescriptive, there is to much telling and not enough showing. Maybe you could add some dialogue into this.

I hope I helped and keep writing!
~Tamara x
p.s. If you have any questions about this review feel free to PM me or write on my wall and sorry if this is littered with typos, I don't have spell check.