Red-Striped Replacement

I have her smile in my blood, she said
with time dripping from her eyes;
those words, I've never heard her say
or thought to recognize;
memories of love I couldn't see
and beauty without a face,
Jane lost her crown, and without a sound
let silence take her place.

So Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down, his nose in the ground
and Jill came running after,
but there's an absence of truth,
an absence of love, and
for love, I cried out loud
for a glimpse of light from the morning sun,
pierced through thunder clouds.

Spoiler

Anyone who can figure out the significance of the title is awesome :P The poem itself is just about my grandmother (Jane) and how she passed away. Jack is my grandfather, and Jill is his girlfriend who I believed to be my grandma for the longest time (while I understood that Jane was gone, I never put two and two together and realized that Jill and I technically are not related by blood). Considering it's a more personal meaning, I wouldn't expect any of you to guess it :P And of course, suggestions/CC is still welcome.

Okay, I am lame for two reasons:

1) I didn't get the meaning of the title. I apologize. But it really reminded me of Waldo.
2) I didn't really get the meaning of the piece itself.
So, this means that I'm going to focusing this review on the technicalities rather than the content, for which I apologize.

I have her smile in my blood, she said
I found the above line a little awkwardly worded. I had to reread it in order to get it. The pronouns were just the tiniest bit confusing, and the image itself is difficult to think up.
with time dripping from her eyes;
those words, I've never heard her say
or thought to recognize;
memories of love I couldn't see
and beauty without a face, Love these past two lines
Jane lost her crown, and without a sound
let silence take her place. Really nice rhyme, and I love the last line.

I like how you mention Jane here in order to create a smoother transition for the next stanza. However, the entire thing seems like of unrelated. I'm not sure where everything ties in, and you leave the upper part of the stanza a little disconnected and really ambiguous. I would create a stronger relationship between the Jack and Jill thing and the rest of your poem. Then again, I didn't really understand it all so... my opinion may be completely invalid.

So Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water; I really like that you start with the traditional beginning, and then switch it.
Jack fell down, his nose in the ground Omit "his".
and Jill came running after,
but there's an absence of truth, This part was kind of jarring- the language is different, and again, the ideas seem oddly transitioned to.
an absence of love, and
for love, I cried out loud I know that it was probably intentional, but the second "love" feels a little bland when following the other use of it in just the last line. I'd use a synonym.
for a glimpse of light from the morning sun,
pierced through thunder clouds. Nice imagery, and I'm guessing conclusive tone, though I don't really understand the content still. (Sorry! ><)

Overall, to be perfectly honest, I didn't really like this as much as the rest of your work. Not saying it's bad- technically, it's still good. I would create more relevance with your material though, maybe throw in some of your masterful imagery, and maybe a bit more emotion. Nice job overall though!

-Coral-

Hey! I thought this was really well written, but I didn't get the title either, and I wasn't really sure what you were talking about. But that doesn't seem to be stopping me from really, really liking it. I think you have written it really well, the rhyming is perfect, it flows well and the description is great. So I can't fault the writing style at all, and the only problem I have with it is that I'm not really sure what you're going on about! xD

I didn't really understand this poem either. But hey, that's the magic of a poet: one doesn't always find the meanings of a poet's poem.
Let me tell you what I understood when reading:

I have her smile in my blood, she said Ok, the "she" is probably your mother
with time dripping from her eyes; And this line shows me that the mother is getting old
those words, I've never heard her say
or thought to recognize;
memories of love I couldn't see
and beauty without a face,
Jane lost her crown, and without a sound So now "Jane" is the woman that I said may have been your mother.
let silence take her place. This part, I'm guessing Jane dies. Since "silence" took her place. I took silence for "death"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what I could get. That's actually what I love about poetry: there is not always one true meaning. *Claps* Well done for that!

Keep 'em coming!

Love it!