Silly Me

Hey. Here, a poem. xD Hope you like it, but tear it apart if you want.

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And, here I am, trying to say farewell
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I'm sure I know.
But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

AWW this was sooo cute!! haaha i loved this! it was great. out of five, i give it a four! keep writing. however, these are my suggestions but it's pretty flawless(:

Silly me, I'm back here, again cute.
Holding on to something that I want far away
And here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne some confusion here...
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?" good questions.
I know.
But I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again maybe "I'm lost again" with the way, it seems strange?
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love my favorite part<3

keep it up!
best wishes,
Nessa

You did a pretty good job with this. When I first started reading I was expecting there to be a rhyme scheme and was caught a bit off guard when there wasn't, but that didn't really take away from the flow of the poem.

Overall, I think I like the first half (first two stanzas) better than the second. You use better descriptions and it appears to be more meaningful and put together compared to the second half. The only thing in the first half that I'd change is in the last line of the second stanza: "making obvious bets" confused me a bit, because I wasn't quite sure what you were talking about. I'd suggest making the line a bit more clear.

Now, the second half/ending didn't impress me quite as much. While I understand the concept, it seems as if the content isn't nearly as sophisticated as in the first two stanzas. You lose the structure you maintained in the first half, and that sort of broke the poem apart for me. I would suggest polishing it up a bit to match the style of the first two stanzas, and that will help bring your poem back together. Also, you may want to add some punctuation to your piece.

Other than that, I really like the idea behind this piece, and the battle between denial and acceptance. This is a great poem, keep it up!

This is so adorable I love it!

Hey. Here, a poem. xD Hope you like it, but tear it apart if you want.

Silly me, I'm back here, again
Holding on to something that I want far awayVery intense.
And here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awakeI love this relation to fantasies.
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious betsNice figurative language!

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shameDon't we all?
Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in loveI love this part!

[quote][/quote]Silly me, I'm back here, again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a thronecan you please explain this part because i have an idea of what it is just not too sure
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awakelove this line shows the reality vs dreams
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"suppose to show that you are frustrated here? i like it
I know. But I still hide behind my mind and thoughtstruthfull as you are not afraid to show weakness

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again"Way" makes it sound like slang
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

great poem:) like how you sort of took yourself out of your body and examined yourself and broke it down:)

Hi, Sol! Yay! You've posted another poem! xD

Nitpicks:

Silly me, I'm back here, again

- I don't think that there should be a comma after 'here'. If you were implying a pause, I prefer an ellipsis.

And here I am, trying to walk away

- I think, there should be a comma after 'And'.

I know. But I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

- I think, there should be a comma after 'But'.

Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

- I think, (I keep saying 'I think' >.<) it's better if the first letter of 'hey' is capitalized.


My problem with this poem is that I can't actually seem to connect the stanzas to one another but, maybe, it's because of this:

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

This poem is catchy and interesting to read. Good job, Sol! I really am a fan of your poems. Sorry if this review wasn't really that helpful lol. Keep writing!

I do actually love this poem. It's beautifully simple and I haven't read a book of this subject before so you did well in writing it. Now, on to the nit-picks.

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And, here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

First thing I notice about this verse is that there is no punctuation. Now, before I go on about it, you must know that I do love punctuation, so I'm just warning you. Punctuation can add a lot more depth to your poem, I would of phrased the first verse like this:

Silly me, I'm back here again -
Holding on to something that I want far away,
And here I am, trying to walk away,
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself.
Know it looks like a proper poem.

I also noticed that there was no regular beat to this poem. Forgive me if you meant it to be a free-line poem but personally, I have this thing for beats and regular patterns. Finally, you repeat 'away' twice and it makes this poem seem repetitive and boring. I would of made the second line 'Holding on to something that I don't want near' or something like that.

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

I like the way in which you start each verse with the same two words, it makes the poem seem familiar and sweet without sounding repetitive. This is my favourite verse in the poem as you really get to know the character in which it is about and what they are going through. Beautiful.

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

This verse confused me a lot. Was she talking to herself? Or are these the words from someone else? Remember to pay attention to detail as to not confuse the reader. I would of added another line to give build on this verse so it was also like the other verses, four lines.

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey"

The way in the second line sounded a bit strange; it sounded like slang. I would of phrased it 'I'm lost again' and as you haven't made a regular beat it shouldn't make a difference to your poem.

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

Perfect. Simply perfect.

Overall I really like the way you kind of described yourself like another person amy see you but from your point of view, if that makes sense.

This is such an adorable poem! I like the repetition of "silly me" in each stanza. At first I thought it would rhyme, but it didn't, which threw me off once, but it turned out okay.

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And, here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne I love this verse, good irony
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake Happens to many people haha!
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey" Now i am starting to get to know what the poem is actually about here.

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

Adorable and blunt finish! Love it!

I love the most that you were not depressing, as i am tired of that kind of poetry.
Very nice!

You've probably heard all these critiques before from the comments, but hey, I'll contribute a little...

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away <-- I don't like the fact that you say "away" here, and then in the next line. It doesn't flow well.
And, here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne <-- Slightly confused, but nonetheless it goes in the whole scheme of things.
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts <-- The three lined stanza kind of threw me through a loop...It's very randomly placed.

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again <-- Get rid of "way", it makes this one line sound more kiddish.
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love <-- Love the last stanza here, but again it's three lined and also out of place here being only three lines.

That should be all You've probably heard my little critiques, but it doesn't hurt to have someone say it again.

Keep on writing! You're very good at writing poetry...

I think this is great - the only complaint I have to make (and I know, others have already made it) is the "way lost again" - I like "lost again," but I'm not feeling "way" at all. If you just say "I'm lost again" or whatever, it's enough - you don't need to add "way" - I think we just kind of assume that, you know?

Otherwise this was great.

~Blue

Thanks everyone. <3

I think this is great - the only complaint I have to make (and I know, others have already made it) is the "way lost again" - I like "lost again," but I'm not feeling "way" at all. If you just say "I'm lost again" or whatever, it's enough - you don't need to add "way" - I think we just kind of assume that, you know?

Otherwise this was great.

~Blue

Yeah, I know. But... lol... that 'way', I want it to stay. Lol. But thank you very much, Blue.

I can't imagine why someone would want to tear it....its such a sweet poem....just brilliant..... Good Job..!!

D'aww... Thanks. Lol.

Sol!

Even if I could tear it apart, I wouldn't.

This was truly a beautiful piece.

Congrats on being featured!

Tanya

Absatootly incredible!