The Magician, a folk tale

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This is a folktale I wrote to accompany a longer work I am still writing.


Long ago, the stories said, a magician walked in the woods, singing to all the animals she saw. The songs could be heard all over the forest and all the animals would flock to her to hear the song. People, too, heard the song echoing into town, and they came as well. When they did, the song would stop, for no human audience was wanted. When the magician returned to own, the people questioned her. “Why cannot we hear your lovely song?” they would ask, to which she would reply: “You cannot hear.”
The magician was then said to go into the forest and paint, and all the animals would come to see her work. After spending hours secreting herself away from the townspeople, she would emerge and return home, only to leave to paint at sunrise the next day. When her neighbors questioned her why they could not see the artwork, they got only this as an answer: “You cannot see.”
Being rejected twice now, the curiosity of the people became indignity. They were offended that the magician thought herself superior then the rest of them, so one day when the magician went to work in the forest a small group followed her. Deeper and deeper the magician delved into the wood, until suddenly there was a glade. What a beautiful glade it was; the sun adorned every flower with a golden glow, and the animals of the forest sat around in a circle, as patient as eternity. The people trailing could hardly believe their eyes, and soon they too came out of hiding and joined the circle, mesmerized by the magician’s every move. The colors were said to bend and dance on the canvas, creating a moving tapestry of unearthly quality. The hours passed like heartbeats, and all too soon the magician packed up her supplies and made for the town. All the animals dispersed, save for four. Where the pursuers once stood there was now a doe, a sow, a serpent and a mouse, and only now were they aware of their transformations.
The four animals followed the magician back to town, where she was confronted by her neighbors and their angry questions. “Where have they gone? Where are the people who followed you?” The magician responded by indicating the four animals who followed her. “I know nothing of humans who followed me, but here are they who followed.” The townspeople were aghast. It was obvious to them that this was no magician; this was a witch. The witch was exiled, and her works stolen. When the people looked upon the witch’s work, they saw only a blank canvas. They concluded that the witch was never painting at all, just working her evil spells.




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I don't know what to say. It's not often that I'm left speechless. *shakes head* This is the most useless review I've ever written, I imagine. I really enjoyed this tale. There were only two things I picked up on.

1) You write about her music, but her music doesn't play a part of the transformation at the ending. It would be a neat and tidy ending if her painting and her music together transformed the humans.

2) "The colors were said to bend and dance on the canvas, creating a moving tapestry of unearthly quality." Who said this? Who survived to tell the villagers that? I think you need to just say, "The colours danced and bent..." If you know what I mean.

Otherwise, I liked this folk tale. Very original :)

- Jai
I have an approximate knowledge of many things.




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Very good story! I like how the style is reminiscent of old folk tales like Coyote, where characters learn lessons. The exile of the witch at the end was a good twist, too. One thing I didn't understand about the story, though, was why the magician was banning humans from the creations? Maybe a simple reason would have put a more clarity into the story. Still, very enjoyable and concise folk tale.




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I saw the title and I love folktales, so I just couldn't resist. ^_^

The songs could be heard all over the forest and all the animals would flock to her to hear the song.
There are a lot of repeated words in this sentence (as I tried to show with all that color-coding). It's not grammatically incorrect, but it sounds kind of funny. Maybe try making it something more like: "The songs rang throughout the forest and all the animals would flock to her to hear it."

When the magician returned to own, the people questioned her.
I think you mean "town." ^_~

They were offended that the magician thought herself superior then the rest of them, so one day when the magician went to work in the forest a small group followed her.
Should be "than." Also, you may want to put a comma after "forest," though I'm not sure if it's technically necessary or not.
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Overall, I thought this was great! It felt very mystical and folkloric, and I love that even though it feels like it should have an obvious message, it doesn't. You have to dig down. I feel like a lot of actual folktales are like that. I'm not sure--on the one hand, the story could represent how humans always want things they can't have. That the Magician's painting and singing were things fro the animals to enjoy, and in order for humans to enjoy it, they had to be changed into animals--in other words, they changed who they were for the sake of something that they wanted to enjoy. Then, when the other villagers realized that enjoying the Magician's gifts took so much commitment, they didn't want to think about her anymore and banished her. On the other hand, the Magician could actually be a witch, in which case the lesson is a little different. If she is actually evil, then it's a tale warning not to be tempted by things that seem wonderful, and maybe even not to interfere with the world of animals. Maybe, though, in the piece this is part of people have yet another interpretation of this piece--I imagine I'm not thinking of the only two possibilities. I like the fact that I can ponder the intended message.

I definitely agree with Jai about the first point she made. In the beginning of the piece, the music seemed like it was going to be a major theme... but then you switched to painting, and the song was practically forgotten. I'm thinking maybe you should just have one? Either painting or singing, but not both? In my opinion, you should either do that or make both painting and singing equally important to the story. Or, actually, you could add some more things that the Magician does, like dance, or something like that? Maybe if we had a bunch of examples, that would make more sense and you could just focus on one. As it is right now, it feels like you set up a great idea with singing, and then just let it drop.

I actually agree with Jai about the second point she made, too, but I'm going to take it a little further. What if you made it a little clearer where, exactly, this tale is coming from? You say things like "the stories said," but I think it would be cool if you extended that a little more. Maybe make it a little clearer where these stories come from, and who tells them? For example, are there people who consider themselves descendants of the villagers in the folktale? Maybe you go into this in the "longer work" you're writing, but if you want this piece to stand alone as well, that might be a nice addition. I just felt a little unclear about the voice of the piece, and found that a tad frustrating as I was reading it.

All in all, I liked that. It was simple, and short, so there isn't really anything else I can say about it. Sorry that I seem to have done nothing but echo Jai in this review. >.<

Please please please don't hesitate to PM me or write on my wall if you have any questions about anything I've said, ok? I hope this helps somewhat!

a




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The beginning is great it gives a folk tale type feeling, it’s written in a great way. The story is a little vague, but I got most of it, the ending is staring and un expected, but that depends on the type of reader you intend it for. It changed quickly from a Childs tale like the elves and the shoe maker or the wolf, into a more of a teen story, small children tend not to know of the witch thing. It’s a great story though.
like a wise man once said "hmm"



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