The Stranger Inside of Me

I based this story off the Everly Brothers. "Crying in The Rain."

*Please note. This is a, "Tape recording."

"If I wait for cloudy skies, you won't no the rain from the tears in my eyes."

This is what goes through my mind on those wet days where the sky grumbles and groans, it's as if a giant is up their and it's hungry.

Like the cancer inside of me.

Maybe you won't see the anger in my eyes. Possessed anger.

I cry a lot now. Never outside, people may see me and think I'm crazy.

Maybe I am crazy.

The sun is a fleeting visitor to the skies now. Like the happiness in my life, taken by this cursed cancer that plagues my body.

You know how people say you can feel it?

I can feel it, touch it, taste it and see it. I'm just a shadow of my former self. Dark rings under my eyes, like I'd had an unsuccessful boxing match.

My eyes, once they were beautiful blue shiny orbs. Are now just dull, the light has been switched off, so to speak. But no, that's wrong their is life, a stranger. I see a foreigner in the mirror. Someone I have never seen before.

Perhaps my family sees it too?

Because, my wife and kids look at me like I'm some freak from the old circus shows. I see how their eyes, grow in horror. I see not a but of pity. But why should they?

I've changed. I've hurt people. People i love.

I don't envy my wife, for taking the kids and hurrying them off to their grandmothers.

I welcome it.

I could feel the anger radiating off my body, my kids wouldn't talk to me. They were afraid, i too, was afraid.

Of myself. Or what I might do..

I feel so goddamn angry.

Eyes everywhere. Surveying you from across the street, from windows, their jaws dropping at the sight of me.

I've lost weight, i have no hair. Damn chemotherapy.

So paranoid.

I'm on the first hole on my belt.

Ironic, my wife always said i should lose some weight. Well i have dear. Do you like the new me?

She doesn't love me. I try to talk to her on the phone. She seems, distant. Her mind on other things.

Like she has something to worry about!

Whose dying here?

Divorce? Been running through my mind a lot lately. Murder and suicide as well.

Even a simple trip down to the shops, becomes a battle with my mind. I see a young vibrant couple, smiling full of love. One look at me, and they stop and frown, and almost cringe away, as if i what i have is catching.

Bitch, snooty little slut. I had thought.

I nearly lost it. I held tightly onto my shopping cart, until my knuckles went a milky white color.

I left in a rush, like i needed to go to the bathroom. Leaving my groceries cart in the aisle.

I fought back tears. I must have looked a sight.

I could almost here the shop clerk saying to a customer as i rushed out, looking flushed and red as a tomato.

"Oh there goes crazy old Bill Weathers. Poor fellow cancer you see."

I'm so frightened. This cancer it brings out a personality inside of you, that you think you never had.

Reminds me of a line in a Steve King Book. "I believe there is a man inside every man, a stranger."

I feel like a stranger in my own body. I"m tainted. I hate the new me. But there's another side, who welcomes it.

And no amount of medication can suppress that feeling.

It's raining outside. I cannot hide it, I'll do my crying in the rain tonight.

I might visit my dear kids. Maybe one last kiss for dear Dad.

RECORDING ENDS

I'm losing control. I have to end it. Must end it.

Love you all. I'm so sorry, for what I've done.

RECORDING ENDS

Excerpt from Morning newspaper


Man Found Dead In Apartment 1/8/11

A middle aged man, who has been identified as Bill Weathers has been found dead, in an apparent suicide, in his apartment today. It is believed he has been suffering from cancer. I cassette recording was found near the body. Story continues page three.



Morning newspaper Headline. (The Next Day)

Two Boys and Grandmother. Found Murdered in Their Home

Reporting officer, Jim Brown, said that it was an exceedingly violent triple murder. "It was like a painter's workshop." Brown stated to the press. "Like a man possessed, had entered the place and literally cut loose with an axe, unable to control himself."

If I wait for cloudy skies, you won't #FF0000 ">no the rain from the tears in my eyes.

was it supposed to be know?


This is what goes through my mind on those wet days where the sky grumbles and groans, it's as if a giant is up #FF0000 ">their and it's hungry.
I think its there

I cry a lot now. Never outside, people may see me and think I'm crazy.

maybe you could rephrase this to clear understanding of the message you want to convey

My eyes, once they were beautiful blue shiny orbs. Are now just dull, the light has been switched off, so to speak. But no, that's wrong their is life, a stranger. I see a foreigner in the mirror. Someone I have never seen before.

I think using the word like foreigner is a little awkward.

I believe you have a beautiful message to convey, just to make the right choice of words and be careful with spellings or those that have the same pronunciation but different meaning. Keep writing.

Hey!

I haven't been active on here for a while so forgive me if this review isn't very helpful

First off, thanks for a great read. It was an interesting story, and I was able to feel the emotions your protagonist felt, which is good. It means I felt a connection to the story, which in turn, made it easier to read.

Now for some little nit-piks;

This is what goes through my mind on those wet days where the sky grumbles and groans, it's as if a giant is up their and it's hungry.

I'd change the comma to a full stop and split this into two. Also, 'their' should be 'there'

My eyes, once they were beautiful blue shiny orbs. Are now just dull, the light has been switched off, so to speak.

Try something like - 'My eyes, once beautiful blue shiny orbs, are now just dull. The light has been switched off, so to speak.'

But no, that's wrong their is

'their' = 'there'

I see not a but of pity.

Should 'but' be 'bit' ?

They were afraid, i too, was afraid.

Try - 'They were afraid. So was I.'

Or what I might do..

Should 'Or' be 'Of' ?

Surveying you from across the street, from windows, their jaws dropping at the sight of me.

I might be wrong, but I think 'you' should be 'me' Ignore me if I am wrong

Also, try - 'Surveying me from across the street. From windows. Their jaws dropping at the sight of me.'

I've lost weight, i have no hair.

Take out the 'I'

Whose dying here?

'Whose' should be 'Who's'

I see a young vibrant couple, smiling full of love.

Try either;

'I see a young vibrant couple, smiling, full of love.'

or

'I see a young vibrant couple, smiles full of love. '

as if i what i have is catching.

Scrap the first 'I'

Poor fellow cancer you see."

Comma after 'fellow'

This cancer it brings out a personality inside of you, that you think you never had.

Try something like - 'This cancer brings out a side of you, you never knew you had.'

I"m tainted.

Should be an apostrophe not a speech mark

Ooh! Creepy ending. But sad too

Overall, I think the story was clear and you portrayed a man struggling against what he is becoming, due to the cancer, well.

So... Hope I've helped! Thanks again for the read

xDudettex