The Moon

It is white as a clam.
Gazing at me
accompanied with its sparkling army.

Does it know who I am?
Does it have a clue?

And the cold increases with the dew.
Stalking the world
right from the start.
As if to tell something
that is in its heart.
Displaying its different forms every day.
It has a never ending life span.

Is it waiting for me?
Does it love me as I am?

It’s so far.
Yet it’s everyone’s beloved.
And after all this time,
it is still sublime.
It’s so far.
Still it’s force so strong.
Watching us all night long.

It is white as a clam.
Gazing at me.
accompanied with its sparkling army.

Does it know who I am?
Does it have a clue?

And the cold increases with the dew.
Always appearing brand new.
Its beauty amazes me.
It makes me feel free.
I want to come with you and play.
I don’t want to stay.
In your arms I want to sway.
This night, take me away.

I like this piece. Its calming and simple.
The imagery is good, however, I would like more detail in it as I thought it was slightly lacking. Just thought the imagery could be a lot better though it is really good.
I really do enjoy reading your poetry. Its beautiful.

And the cold increases with the dew

Really gorgeous.
Well done!

I loved this poem, problem is the very first line threw me off, a clam? i'm sorry it just made me laugh for some reason and i don't feel it went with the beautiful flow of the rest of it.
This was my favourite part;

ehte92 wrote:Gazing at me
accompanied with its sparkling army.

I also felt that this line was a little strange;

ehte92 wrote: want to come with you and play

maybe you were just trying to find something to rhyme?
Apart from that I really liked it, well done

Hi ehte92,

This thing is dead.

Here's your first problem: From the get-go, the reader immediately understands that "it" is supposed to be a metaphor for some hazy abstract half personified with colors and actions but no real image. The situation does not bode well for you if the only descriptive the reader has is of a fuzzy "something" that's - white? - and has some kind of army. I don't even know. This kind of pseudosubtlety doesn't work on any level, let alone elevate this piece to more than words scribbled on a sheet of paper and left to dry.

Your second problem is the predictability of your lines. Stanza followed by two questions followed by stanza followed by questions, etc. Boring and pointless. Why is this format even there in the first place? Don't get me wrong; others have repeated style within a poem to admirable effect but you have no idea how to make it work. For now, get rid of the format and concentrate more on what you're trying to say rather than how you say it.

Overall, it's impossible to understand the subject of this piece - love, perhaps? Faith? Hope? - but the theme is obscured as much by the poor use of literal stratification of words and failure to embody the ideal into a visible form. Work on those and you might have something. For now, though, show some mercy and put this piece to rest.

Hope that helped,
Galerius