Can't Hide The Cracks

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We try to change for each other,
As we know we should,
But the golden bands on our fingers tie us together,
Our souls, our bodies, our lives.

But, alas, there are strands,
Strands which are have darkened and stained,
Strands which have fallen out of place,
When your hand bruised my pale skin.

When you come into our alleged home,
With your alcoholic breath and mangled hair,
I know that there is no possibility of change on your part,
And so the burden, which is too havy to hold, falls on mine.

You collapse on our half-burned bed and lumpy mattress,
And curse about your hollow and unglamorous life,
But the glass has been smashed already,
And you can't glue it back together without seeing the cracks.

The photos which were once the goings-on of my everyday,
With laughing, with smiling, with love,
Have now become memories,
My sanctuary of hope in which I become lost in.

When I watched you walk down the aisle, those many years ago,
With your flushed cheeks and light steps,
Now all I hear are the intense storms of your heels,
My lovely wife, you have changed, so I must leave.



This poem was created to raise awareness that violence in relationships can come from woman; not just men.
I'm going to Hagrid's, I've got a good feeling about going to Hagrid's.




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Points 1093
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Yeah, wifey, I feel for this poen <3
Jimi Hendrix RULES!!!




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Points 27927
Reviews 532
Yo, Lauren!
I thought I'd review this, bare in mind I'm not that good at reviewing poetry. And from now until this review is over, I'm not your friend. Just the way it goes ;). Alright, enough blabbing now, onto the review.

Okay, so overall, I understood what was going on. It wasn't one of those confsing poems with not a lot of imagery, but a lot of explaining with weird words, so yeah, well done! I think the orignality of this poem was excellent, so far I have never read a poem of this subject and I think you've done a good job with it. Now, I'll go into more deatil...

So, the layout was good. Verse's with the same amount of lines and stuff. I've noticed that there is no rythm or obvious beat when I read this, now, I know that this sounds silly to have in a poem of this genre. However, I personally think they give poems that extra little bit. I mean, it depends if this poem was free-verse or what?

I've also noticed that with each stanza it's the same sort of punctuation structure. The first three lines of a stanza have a comma at the end and then the last line has a question mark. Try to vary it a little to make it more exciting and what not. I mean, don't try and change it all, that just looks tacky. But if you change a few and maybe add a few semi-colons, it'll work :D.

I thought you've used some good techniques in the poem. I've seen a lot of really, cool metaphors with some lovely language. Ah, yes. Language. now, I'm going to tell you what I've told frequently to people whilst reviewing poetry. Don't be afraid to whip out the thesaurus every once in a while. I worn you now, don't do it all the time. And be sure you know of the word you're using, others might know whatt it means, and if it suits the poem. Like I said before, I can't feel any rhythm in this. To get rhythm in a poem, try and get around the same amount of syllables and meters into each verse.

And, finally, the emotion. I have to say, I did feel some emotion in this- but not much. I mean, it's good and all, but it seems you just wrote this really quickly (which I know you did;)). But anyway, try and take more time over poems. Read them over and over and over again until you just can't take it anymore. Pick out that bits that need changing. Anyhow, this is good for a first-time poet. Mind you, that's not saying much, I can't write poetry to save my life. ANYWAY.

Keep writing!
~Tamara :smt001
p.s. Sorry this review wasn't very long and I'm sorry if this is littered with spelling mistakes, I don't have spell check.
Someone told me there's a girl out there, with love in her eyes and flowers, in her hair.



I know where the wall goes.
— Creed, the Office