Ink Blotches

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Blotches of ink clung to his skin,
his weathered hands that ached--
he’d been writing all night,
but the ferocity and determination in his face
had slowly fallen into tired lines as the sun
splintered through his window
and the nighttime shadows faded into gold.
He had worked his hands sore,
and yet he held nothing for it--
for that was what covered the letter he was to send her,
his explanation of why it all went wrong,
and how he was going to fix it:

nothing.



from oneword.com: Blotches

Thanks for reading!
-Coral-
Last edited by Button on Mon Jan 17, 2011 5:20 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Wow, an amazing piece.
Really strong imagery and I really really like how its structured. Simple yet powerful. Makes me smile.
Though I do think it could be slightly longer just to add a tad more detail.
Overall a great piece of poetry.
Well done!
...The Emptiness Will Haunt You...




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I love it just the way it is, except for one thing - "had slowly fell into tired lines as the sun" should be "had slowly fallen into tired lines."

That's all, otherwise it's beautiful. :)

~Blue




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There's not really much I can crticize - it was a great poem with a wonderful theme and a great ending too. Great imagery you created here!

but the ferocity and determination in his face
had slowly fallen into tired lines as the sun
splintered through his window
and the nighttime shadows faded into gold.


This was probably my favourite bit. I loved it all, but I particularly liked this bit, it created vivid images in my mind. I think the "nighttime shadows faded into gold' was the part I liked the most.
Overall, great job! Keep writing!




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You never fail to amaze me with your poetry. I love reading it and to me it's fantastic in every way. Your writing is just...wow...you know? This one in paticular is very interesting and I enjoyed it a lot! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
"The only bad ideas are the ones never tried." - Puck, The Sisters Grimm



[as a roleplayer is feeling sad about torturing her characters] GrandWild: "You're a writer, dear. Embrace it."
— GrandWild