What Thou Art Sees in Me

What doth thou art sees in me?
What doth thou art delight in me?
What doth thou art loves in me?
Is what thyself loathes in me.

A portrait’s a mere picture
Until its painter reveals itself within
A lover’s a mere lover
Until he omits her flaws and failures

Look into my eyes
Pry into all my heart’s cries
I beg of you to look into my eyes
And see the monster within the beauty

The prince captivates me with his smiles
He imprisons me with his kisses
I am forever trapped in his embrace
But he loves not me but my face

Sooo good.....You shud have more comments!!!!

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer for today, we shall discuss this poem in full and decide whether it's good or not. I shall warn you now I can be harsh but it's solely to improve you as a writer nothing else. Anyway now that's over with, we shall begin.

This poem is contrived it's so contrived, that contrivance turns away in horror. Never, I mean never use Olde English unless you're sure it fits with theme, here sounds highly pretentious like you think your love is more amazing and epic than any of ours. it reads like a dozen script love scenes in a parody of Shakespeare. It dances with cliches and then wonders why people turn away in disgust. This is like the Gigli of poetry, it doesn't come across as anything new, anything decent --- it reads more like an account of how you wish you could sound like Shakespeare so you instead mangle a set of images and hope we don't know this reeks of utter pretentious twaddle.

It doesn't feel like a story of love, feels a cruel joke to mock people without your so-called dream. the imagery is stale and boring, nothing shines, it blinds but not because of it beauty but how contrived you sound. So what if you have this, brag about it. But I swear you'll never sound like the legends you design this utter aberration from!

This reads more like if Shakespeare hated everyone and thought he was better than them. It doesn't sound real, doesn't sound sweet or romantic.

It's a love poem without any love and all pretension.

Overall: Never ever try write like Shakespeare or any other of them greats again. Write, but write from your soul, not the poorly manufactured version of him. Poetry requires love, write what you know, incorporate your true feelings in your own unique form. It can be done. Remember show us the beauty don't flaunt it and scream 'Look at me'. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but pretentiousness is one of my pet peeves.

Alright, so, well, then. I'll do this verse by verse.

Your first verse made no sense. Why are you using language used back in Shakesperian times? Was that supposed to be romantic? If so, your goal wasn't achieved. I'm pretty sure your using everything in the wrong context as well. It didn't flow at all, and just seemed wrong, fully wrong. Also, to me, stating questions like that in a poem irritates me. It just seems like a cop-out, like the writer was just too lazy to do better.

What? Your second verse all but confused me. What do you mean? More Shakespearian talk, I'll assume, something I was never good at. You should assume your reader is a romantic-most are. Instead of confusing the reader, add imagery to make the piece sparkle. Right now, I'm seeing none of that.

Your third verse was the same as the second. Add a metaphor to make the piece seem brighter and stronger. Your speaker is confusing. Is this a man, woman, girl, boy?

Oh. Your speaker is a girl. I'm sorry to say that you took an ending that could have been a stunner, but it ended off cliche and some what of another cop-out. The 'prince' thing has been done, and yes, it will be done over and over, but you could have avoided the cliche using a strong metaphor to end off your poem.

Overall-
It lacks originality. All I can see is writing, but from a classic writer, with cliche speech.
Try it again, but this time, go with what you feel.