HOMELANDS|Book I:Exodus|Chapter II

Chapter II

The sun beat down on Teherah, throbbing on his dark face as he pulled his small cart along the dirt road. Around him walked many others pulling carts and riding what horses were salvaged from the wreck that was the City of Nomads. Alongside Teherah stood his mother and two sisters, Tegulari and Aliyah. Tegulari, his older sister was significantly older than he was and at the age in which one seeks a husband within the nobility of the tribes. For years she had been betrothed to Bazarh-i-Urghuz, son of Kazarik, as a means to keep the peace among the two more prominent tribes of Samib. To other elder youth of the Samib she was popular for her looks but how this was, went beyond Teherah’s perception. Two days had passed since the destruction of Khazaj-i-Turgah and not even Aliya, the smallest of children spoke. All that remained of the Samibian Federation were the noblemen such as the chiefs and their sort, the women, their children and the Gediminas for protection. In Samibian law it is told that once a boy has reached the age of fifteen years of age he must become a Gedinima, a recruit. These boys often performed Guard duty and other minor jobs in preparation to become a warrior once they came of age. Teherah was set to discard his studies and become a Gedinima in the spring but now none knew what was to happen or even if they would survive the winter on the steppes. The steppes themselves, although barren grasslands would often freeze during the turbulent winter months. At which time the Samibians would go into hibernation from daily lives and retreat from their tents to the caves in the mountains. It was now Autumn, normally it would be a time of harvest as each family gathered food for the solitary months ahead but all that had been lost to the ravaging plague that was the Mursurgh.

Teherah’s father and the rest of the chieftains rode ahead to watch for any wandering bands of barbarians and to lead the tribes. At the back and the sides of the caravan marched the Gedinima, exhausted and thirsty. In the certain of the massive cohort walked the women, children and the elders, pulling their carts along, comforting their children and caring for the elderly. The trial towards the River Olbia lead for miles along the sloping yellowed grasslands of the steppe.
At last on the afternoon of the second day, Tumurkhad and the nobles sighted the Olbia, a dark blue fast-running river that sat on the edge of the steppe. On the right side of the river were the rolling hills of the steppe while on the left were the barren badlands of the worms and beyond that the Janarian Mountains, Passage to the West.
“Mother is that the Olbia?” asked Aliya.
“Yes child, Teherah go to your father and ask what he would have us do” said their mother.
Teherah grunted in annoyance and ran to up the line towards the front of the caravan. She is not the only one that is tired. Why do I have to run? Turgüt Alta, Teherah’s mother had once been infamous for her escapades among the chieftains and Teherah did not harbour much respect for her after he discovered her laying with a Khatan noble as a child.
“Father, mother asks what we are to do now?” Teherah asked.
“My son, tell mother to get the women and children to wait and set up a camp at the base of the river. We, noblemen have decided to call a Chaganatai1 and I have made arrangement for you to join us” commanded Turgan Tumurkhad.
“Wow, thank you father, it should be great!” said Teherah.
“It is fine my child you will soon be the heir to the Samibians you must know first hand our customs and traditions now return for your mother and change into your formal tunic” said Tumurkhad.

That night a thick cold air descended upon the Samibians as they set about fashioning sleeping places to take rest while the nobles prepared for Chaganatai. Whenever Chaganatai was called all the Chiefs of the Samib would converge in the Grand Palace. In all the history of the Samib, a Chaganatai Council had only been called three times since Turgan Tumurikay, Teherah’s grand-father had leaded the great wars of unification. Legend has it that the first Chaganatai, Tumurikay the Great was proclaimed first Turgan of the Samib.
One by one each chief of the Samib entered the small crowded tent that had been set up overlooking the river’s edge. Chief Hwonj-i-Beschar of the Beschar-Dai, Tehezar of the Azimakars, Theodarhari of the Jheruls, Bhaalin of the Danatae, Tujiaric of the Khatans, High Elder Edari of the Elai and finally Kazarik of the Urghuz. At the head of the table stood Turgan Tumurikhad and to his side sat Teherah.
In turns each clenched their fists and beat their chests before swearing oath to Tumurikay and his successors, before taking a seat before the Turgan.
“My chiefs, it is obvious why have called this Chaganatai. The Musurgh have forced us from our homes, destroyed our lives and our culture. We must now decide how best to survive and continue our campaign against them” Tumurkhad said.
“My Turgan, it is my duty to tell you that the Beschar-Dai will stay at your side as our ancestors did in the Wars of Unification” said Chief Hwonj.
“As do the Khatans, we shall honour blood debt to the Avakars and follow you” said Chief Tujiaric as he stroked his platted black beard.
“My gratitude to you, but we must discuss our options in an hour as dark as this” Tumurkhad said.
Teherah watched intuitively and saw that Kazarik squirmed around in his chair like a fish on a hook.
“But Tumurkhad we must fight back, you must lead the charge, it is your duty!” yelled Kazarik.
“What worth is duty when it will only lead our people to their deaths!” argued Tumurkhad.
“But Samibian horsemen are legendary, we can destroy these beasts where they stand!”
“Kazarik! You underestimate these people! They are unlike any others we have ever seen! These men seem as strong as Otmish himself!” Tumurkhad yelled as he stood from his chair.
“That is blasphemy! Otmish will give us victory as we are his chosen! Did the ancient scriptures themselves state ‘and in the time of darkest defeat, the King of the Steppes will come forth!’” recited Kazarik.
“We cannot rely on ancient scriptures Kazarik! We must focus on what is best for the people!” said Hwonj of Beschar-Dai.
“Men! Settle yourselves we cannot talk of Kings of Heaven if the King of Heaven was imminent would the Elai not of foretold it years ago!” said Chief Bhaalin of the Danatae.
“The may well have be disregarded them for years!” said Theodarhari of the Jheruls taking his traditional helmet from his head and wiping sweat from his bald cranium.
“Children, we must not fight in these times, it is a dark time for the people but none of my Elai have had any signs from Otmish about the arrival of the foretold messiah. We must stay together in times such as these for we are all men of the Samib. My Turgan may I tell a story?” preached Edari, High Elder of the Elai, a man of considerable age and wisdom.
“You may, High Elder”
“I remember I story my father told me as a child during his days as in the court of Turgan Timurikay the Great, your father’s grand-father Tumurkhad. He told me that during the Days of Plenty in Timurikay’s early reign that the Grand Turgan commissioned many men of foreign culture from across the Janarian Mountains. These men were a hospitable merchant nation of builders, architects and traders lead by a leader called a “Consule” or some such word. Timurikay commissioned these men to build the Great Hanging Gardens of Khazaj-i-Turgah and Grand Palace. These great men were from a land known as Asyrana. They had the eyes of the Avakars, wide and wise, and skin much brighter than ours. These people gave much to the old Turgan and eventually died in these lands having married into common tribes and taken on Samibian names. These people talked a city made of gold and brick across the mountains where million of people lived together, beyond anything we could ever imagine” preached Edari-i-Elai.
Teherah become engrossed in his story and was sad to see it end. Who were these people from the West? How could a city a be forged in gold? All these questions ran through his head.
“And what do you propose Edari?” asked Kazarik.
“My Turgan, we must take our people across the mountains, leave the steppes and forge a new homeland in the West” said Edari.
The room imploded with chatter and talk. The entire Chaganatai rose from their wooden chairs.
“Listen!” bellowed Turgan Tumurkhad.
“This may our only chance to survive! Legends have told of our people migrating from the East across the mountains long before any recorded history. This is our only chance, if these lands are as hospitable as you have told Edari we will prosper for many years!”
“This is an outrage Tumurkhad! We cannot abandon our homeland, the land of our history and culture! We cannot discard it and run!” said Kazarik.
Something began to burn inside of Teherah. I sense of excitement, anxiety or cooperation between the two. He found himself rising from his chair next to his father and speaking above the chatter and arguments.
“Listen! Mentors and Chiefs! I am a child, I know but we cannot let your personal differences and opinions cloud your judgement. Culture and homelands matter not when your life is in danger. I say we vote as we should on a matter of importance” said Teherah.
“The child makes sense, my brothers, let us take vote as is the true customs of our people” said Tehezar of the Azimakars.
“Agreed for we must not collapse as society even though our future seems bleak, all who support leaving the homelands and going across the mountains, make it known”.
With that the majority of the room stood leaving only Kazarik of Urghuz and Bhaalin of the Danatae. Kazarik's stared at Teherah. His beady little eyes, worsened by the black warpaint that surrounded them seemed to pierce his soul.
“And how do you plan to survive such a journey? The badlands are full of Weyrworms that could kill a man in minutes” asked Bhaalin.
“The Terrakai people have lived on the outskirts of the badlands for many years. I will ride ahead at first light and meet with their chief. They can act as pathfinders until will reach the mountains” said Tumurkhad.
And so it was that the Chaganatai ended. Each man left one after another to make final nightly offerings to Otmish before sleep. By the time the Chaganatai was over, Teherah was close to sleep and only finally made it back to his mother’s cart where his sisters lay sleeping as the eerie early morning twilight set in.

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So heres the new chapter, its a bit longer than the previous as a lot is set up here. I understand it may be a little hard to keep track of the Eight Tribes of the Samib. Although the only ones you will truly need to remember are the Avakars, Urghuz and Elai I have made up a list of the Samib tribes and their leaders.

Hi there again.

I'll review this chapter for you. Firstly, may I say that I love the image you've created for the title, it looks great. Anyway on to the chapter.
Once again you've created a very good piece, with great description, and the plot flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of it, because the story has a lot of potential.
Just a few little errors to point out:

The steppes themselves, although barren grasslands would often freeze overduring the turbulent winter months.

Sentence doesn't quite flow, missing a word, perhaps during, to link it together better.

“It is fine my child, you will soon be the heir to the Samibians, you must know first hand our customs and traditions, now return for your mother and change into your formal tunic” said Tumurkhad.

In one or two sentences, I've noticed that you do tend to use too many commas. Try varying your sentence structure a little more.

Kazarik stared deeply into Teherah’s eyes making the Urghuz Chieftain’s beady little eyes surrounded by layers of black war paint pierce Teherah’s soul.

Someone pointed out this little problem in your first chapter. This sentence seems to contain to many details to be able to be read easily. Perhaps the details about the black war paint could be left out, or reworded in another sentence?

Overall, apart from a few little problems, this chapter is very well written, and a joy to read. Firstly, you have developed your characters personalities very well, and this is clearly shown during the meeting. Also, the plot is very interesting and contains some imaginative ideas, so again, well done. Finally, I look forward to reading more of this novel, because it is showing lots of potential, and the great storyline keeps the reader well hooked.