I’m no special girl, I’m shy and many people in my grade don’t know what to think of me. Sigh some would say I am pretty with my long wavy black hair and brilliant green eyes that change with my mood and the weather. Sometimes I think it also depends on what I’m wearing. I’m also petite which I hear is attractive but I know I’m not attractive so it not true for me at least. It works better for those beauteous blonde cheerleaders who aren’t ugly and terrible like I am. My mother I think hates me although she hasn’t said it to my face yet. My Father and siblings definitely care and even though I don’t live with them I spend lots of time with them. I have one true friend but only because she is part of a family my family has always known. And unfortunately we were in school right now. Don’t get me wrong I do great in school I just don’t like it there. Then again it is better than home…. BBBBBBBRRRRING!
“Thank god that class is out I think I would have died to have to go through that much longer,” Malinda says to me as we hurriedly pack up.
“I know right. I have to run though I have to pick up Aaron and Reia,” I say to her as we maneuver through the sea of people to our lockers. “Do you need a ride?”
“No I’m staying after to study with that tall guy in our Calculus class,” she informs me as she smiles dreamily. Just then Aaron shows up almost appearing out of nowhere as he has a habit of doing. I look up at my brother who is a whole foot taller than me and raise an eyebrow.
“You could have met me at the car you know Aaron.”
“I know sis it’s just I forgot to tell you that I have soccer after school. I think you forgot that I joined the team...”
I sigh and smack my forehead with my hand. “Sadly you are right Aaron, what a terrible sister I am. Well when is your first game because I must come and watch it!” I tell him excitement shining from my eyes. I can barely believe that my baby brother had made the team.
“I think it is Friday against Columbia,” he informs me quietly. “Now I gotta run or I’ll be late for practice!” He bends down gives me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and off he goes.
I was so proud of him. I practically raised my brother and sister. Aaron was four and Reia was two when mom and dad started the divorce process. I was seven. I couldn’t understand why my Mother and Father were fighting but I accepted it as normal and took care of my baby brother and sister. Little did I know that it was far from normal but I know that now. I lived with my mother most of the time after the divorce but would go over my dad’s house pretty often to take care of my siblings. My mother rarely noticed I wasn’t home because she was always drunk. When she did realize I wasn’t home well let’s not go there. My mother who I love so dearly is such a mean women at least to me probably not to the various men she brings home from the bar. She has had a string of boyfriends in and out of the house since the divorce. None of them last long nothing like Zelda who my dad has dated on and off for the past ten years. I think he is afraid to make a commitment to her after how disastrous his marriage to my mother was. Oh my mother, Mara, I looked up the meaning of her name once… it means sea of bitterness which does NOT surprise me at all. My mother is such a cruel women who I swear loves beating me down. She has crushed me in so many ways. I have had to go to the hospital occasionally for broken bones. Although I hate the beatings, the viciousness of having her big fists pound into me and leaving bruises on my delicate, pale skin I would rather it be me then Aaron or Reia. Aaron I think is starting to realize what’s going on Reia though still has her childhood to live and I refuse to let mother take that from her! She may have ripped mine from my clutching fingers and shredded it till it was no more than dust but she won’t do that to precious, little Reia too. If you can’t tell I am fiercely protective of my siblings. I love them dearly they are all I have in the world. When my mother’s beatings are exceptionally bad and I want to give up their images come to mind and I pull through for them. I have to because they need me. My father is a good man although he doesn’t ever see my bruises I think Aaron has which is terrible I don’t want anyone to know I don’t want Aaron to get mad at mother and try to protect me because she will drain the spirit from him like a vampire drains the blood from its victims. If he goes for her she will break him and then I will have failed to save them from what has happened to me and that will kill me like none of the beatings have.
Anyway back to my father. From him I get my green eyes that everyone comments on. My father when Aaron and Reia were babies lived in a small apartment almost worse than my mother’s house which is impressive. He worked nonstop and took some night courses to get a better job. He saved his money and paid off his debt till he brought it back to zero. Now he has a very nice house that he bought and we helped him fix up it is beautiful. Each of us children have a room there and it is where I truly let loose my feelings. The colors in the room, the furniture and what I hang on the wall reflect me. My father is much happier then he was with my mother.
That’s when I hear some words come out of some sophomore’s mouth that knock me from my thoughts about how my brother is a worthless nobody and can’t do anything. Now I can take my name being dragged through the dirt that is the only thing my mother gave me due to her terrorizing is not flinching at the names I’m called till I’m somewhere private. But when they insult my brother it’s all over from there. Malinda tries to grab my arm knowing that I’m going to explode like a bomb and keep me away from them but I shake her off and I march over to the boys this ball of fury in me building so fast and burning very hot, ready to erupt in fiery passion. Rarely do I get so mad but right now I’m about to snap under this anger.
“What did you just say about my brother? Do you want to repeat that kiddo? Hmmm?” I say quiet but angrily at him while glaring up at him and barely resisting the urge to scream and shout.
Him and his friends chuckle and pat my head. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about him. I’m sorry he is your brother sweetheart but this is the way of the world.”
“He is right darling don’t you worry these are guy matters he is a freshmen he has to undergo such treatment. You though,” one of the friends say while checking me out with his eyes in a perusal that made me feel a bit violated, “Are allowed free passage cause you are just so sweet.”
I flutter my lashes at him and smile up prettily saying sweetly, “You really think so? Well isn’t that sweet of you.”The comment he had made was one thing I couldn’t let pass and so I smacked him. How dare he! “For your information young man I am a senior, which defiantly puts me above you and your buddies here! Now scram and leave my brother alone!” I end in a scream a huge change from the sweet tone I started with. The looks on their faces were priceless.
Unfortunately Aaron had heard the whole exchange which isn’t surprising because of how loud I am being and was now right behind me ready to pounce on the guys for the insult directed at me. Then, to top it off Maximilian shows up too, also having heard me. He is team captain and no one dare cross him. The second he comes into sight behind me the boys become silent and Aaron retreats into his quiet shell. I am ready to jump on the guys, I tense about to move but before I can move a single muscle more towards them Max grabs my arm and yanks me back.
“What are you doing young lady? What is going on here?” he asks trying to figure out the situation and looking surprised that it’s me screaming at his players.
“These boys decided they were going to pick on my brother and I can’t let them do that,” I reply still glaring at them.
“Enola, Enola look at me,” he says firmly. I turn my head to look at him raising an eyebrow and then abruptly the fight goes out of me and I calm down my shoulders sagging a bit.
“Max I’m sorry I am a tad overprotective of my family members. I’ll let you handle your team.” I glance at my watch and gasp. “I have to go pick up Reia if I don’t move fast I’ll be late. I’ll see you later Aaron call me if you need a ride. Bye Malinda go study and enjoy yourself. Thank you Max.” Then I am gone rushing down the hall towards the door closest to where my car is parked. I get in and start the car and get to the middle school just in time. I pull up in front of Reia on the sidewalk waiting for me. She opens the door, climbs in and we head for Dads with the radio playing country music.
By the time we arrive at Dad’s house Reia and I are singing to the songs on my iPod instead of the radio. Reia had picked the song this time, we had been alternating choices.
“And my heart skips a beat when we walk down the street
I feel a trembling in my knees
And just to know you mine until the end of time
Makes my heart skip a beat…”
See this was a new song I had gotten free off iTunes although I suspect it is from somewhere else because I recognize it. It sounds so familiar. But anyway this one was called ‘My heart skips a beat’ by the Secret Sisters. Reia had fallen in love with it. Just as the song finished I pulled into our driveway. All those hours that Dad had been working while I babysat my brother and sister had paid off. He now has this great job as an amazing lawyer. He is so good in the courtroom. He gets to the point of the matter and is merciless. I love him. I shut off the car and realize that Dad is home which is irregular. Normally he doesn’t arrive home till around 5 or 6pm. Reia and I rush up the front steps and open the door.
“Daddy?” we call in unison.
“In here sweethearts,” he calls from the kitchen. Reia and I race each other there and hug him tightly.
”Dad you’re home early. What’s up?” that’s when I notice that Zelda is sitting in the kitchen. “Zelda you are here too! This is just getting better and better.” I move from my father to Zelda to hug her.
I was so close to Zelda she has practically raised me while I raised my siblings. I have cried on her shoulder so often. When I got my period the first time at twelve I thought I was dying. I almost told her that my mother beats me that time. I think she suspects that I’m a little less then as clumsy as I claim, too many injuries but she explained to me all about being a woman instead of my mother who should have been the one to tell me. She is so helpful. I love her and you know I might not mind too much if she found out. Maybe she would help me with my mother. I immediately dismiss the idea knowing that this is my problem to deal with and I can’t involve her or weigh her down with my problems.
“Reia, Enola we have something to tell you,” my father says sounding scared. I look from her smiling face and Daddy’s nervous but content one and already suspects what he is going to say. “I just proposed to Zelda and she has said yes. Girls, Zelda is going to be your step mother. She has agreed to marry me!”
“Oh Daddy, Zelda I’m so happy for you guys. I have been wondering if you guys ever would get married. You have been dating almost ever since the divorce,” I told them so happy for them while Reia squealed in excitement. Gosh why couldn’t such wonderful things happen to me? Well I guess I am more like my mother then my father maybe that’s why. Just then Sky comes in and distracts me when she rubs against my leg. “Oh pretty baby how are you? Aren’t you precious,” I tell her as I pick her up and settle the beautiful tabby in my arms.
I walk out of the kitchen as Reia continues to exclaim over Zelda becoming her new mama. To my room or as I like to call it my sanctuary I go. My lovely room that I adore so much has pretty cherry red walls that I absolutely love and I can still remember the joy of the day I painted them. They were just perfect. Well it seems I have just proved myself wrong because this room is something good that has happened to me. As I breeze into my room through doorway framed in curtains I relax happy to be in my special place. Zelda made me the curtains, she hand embroidered them actually. They are this baby soft, white material that makes the design stand out. I would never have picked them myself but I’m really glad that they are as she made them they just fit perfectly. See she put grape vines on the curtains with the grapes a shade of red that just about matched the walls and gold vines and leaves that matched my bed spread. My carpet is white which obviously matches the curtains and it’s just wonderful how the curtains tie the room together. It is surprisingly really clean for a teenager but I guess when you live in a crap room for so long and have such terrible surroundings fixing them up never seems a problem because you can appreciate the neatness of it. The wall adjacent to Reia’s room with the exception of a door that connects our rooms is floor to ceiling, wall to wall book shelves. They aren’t full and have some knick knacks on them but they are one of my true loves.
I adore reading. It is such a passion of mine. Whenever I don’t feel good or am feeling especially down I read. I read all the time and my father jokes sometimes that my nose is glued to the book when I start eating at supper while reading a book at the dining room table. I guess he doesn’t understand no one seems to have understood my love of reading. Anything that could seem bad I can block out and ignore when I read. A book is like a portal to another world, time or place. I can be someone else for awhile and not worry about what my mother is going to say about me being home late or burning the rice I made for supper because I’m not longer Enola Star when I am reading I am the character. I can be a princess who is running for her life, a widow of a war, a warrior, a wolf, or a Cambodian girl working on a farm and practicing her dancing in secret even if it’ll cost her her life if she is caught. When the character’s lover dies I cry with them my heart breaking for them too or when the character has their first child and realizes that they are happy they didn’t get an abortion I fall in love with the child too. It’s an amazing thing what books can do. It’s lovely to vicariously live through the characters in my books. I don’t just read them once either I read them many times wanting to relive the happy ending of the book so I can dream of my own. The only flaw with this is that I must come back to reality eventually. And here we are back to my dilemma wanting to be as happy as Dad and Zelda. I could almost see the joy bubbling out of her eyes while she was sitting at the kitchen island. Then again Dad suffered through the divorce with Mom and he has finally found peace with Zelda so maybe it is possible to have a happy ending. Then unbidden Max’s face floats in my mind’s eye. Oh Max wonderful, wonderful Max. I have had the hugest crush on him for so long but I have never told him and it is not like I can tell Malinda I mean yes she is my best friend but Max is her brother, her older brother at that.
Maximilian John Hart was born a year before Malinda but he started school late because his mother was sick and died of cancer the year he should have started preschool. I can just barely remember his mother being only three when she had died. I do remember the funeral though and asking my parents why Mrs. Hart was sleeping in a box, they both had shushed me. When it was finally explained to me that Mrs. Hart had gone to God and she wasn’t ever coming back I started to cry. I had liked Mrs. Hart she had made really nice chocolate chip cookies. Anyway that is how Max had ended up in our grade instead of with the kids his age. We were such a trio in Preschool. We were always together, always talking, and sharing our happiness along with our sadness. As we got older Max hung out with us less and started to hang out with other boys and later became this really sexy and really smart jock. He is now the team captain and neither Malinda nor I can really believe it. Max is just the handsomest guy in school he has this sexy sort of disheveled dark brown hair and these laughing blue eyes. Everyone in his family has blue eyes because both his parents had them. He also is tall like my brother I think they are the same height or just about. And his skin is this lovely golden skin color. His mother was Indian so that is where he and his sibling, Malinda, get their exotic coloring from. And god his muscles are like mouth watering. He is so strong and so athletic. He works out some too. Occasionally we will still go on a run together when we get a chance because I have only ever enjoyed running. No other sport has held my interest. The funny thing is I have never been on the school track team I just have never felt good enough even though Max thinks I should try out. Max is just the best he is sweet and kind but also knows when to scold and boss. He does have some faults but they seem to make him all the more perfect. He procrastinates big time and can be a slob but I think it’s cute. Oh well I highly doubt he’ll ever think of me more than a childhood friend. But I can dream right? Oh hahaha I’ve had some great day dreams about that kid. You know something sad is that I’ve never had my first kiss. I just have never gotten close enough to anyone to even try. I’m pretty shy in school. MEOW.
“Oh Sky you want to be fed don’t you pretty girl?” I say to her like she’ll answer me back but she just meows again and I pet her getting her to purr. “Okay Sky come on lets go get you a can of food.” I get up and head for the kitchen where everyone still is.
“Zelda can I be a flower girl in the wedding? I wanna be a flower girl and look all pretty that would be the coolest thing ever!!!” Reia asks Zelda. I notice Reia is as usual sitting on Zelda’s lap.
Laughing at Reia’s request as I enter the room I smile at my family. I love them all so much even Zelda who has been like adopted in. “Come here Sky,” I call as I stand on tiptoe reaching for a can of cat food. As I open it Sky rushes in and sits at my feet patiently waiting for her food. I dump it into her food dish and pet her head before placing the dish on the floor for her to eat. “Dad I’m going to go read some in my room if Aaron calls the house to be picked up from practice come get me because I plan on picking him up.”
See I am reading this book called Amber and Iron by Margret Weis. Some of the characters are evil or at least bad and I almost find myself agreeing with them which surprise me. I would never have thought that I could ever agree with someone on that side but I guess when you become the character then you really do become them and agree with their view and such. So I lie down on my bed and start reading this book to find out what happens to Mina. Just then my cell phone starts to ring and I recognize the ringtone as Aaron’s. I snatch the phone from the pillow beside me and snap it open.
“Hello?” I say into the phone.
“Hey Enola it is your brother are you gonna come pick me up or what? Practice is over and I’m ready to go home.”
“Oh it’s over all ready?” I say into the phone before turning to check my clock. “Oh wow I’m sorry Aaron got distracted I didn’t quite realize it was so late you see I was reading. You know how I get when I’m reading I go into like a zone or a trance or something and forget that the outside world exists.”
“It is okay Enola do not flip out. Just come and pick me up so I can go home and shower I stink,” He tells me calmly without even a hint of a laugh.
“Okay coming Mr. Jock sir anything else?”
“Nope just come get me Ms. Bookworm.”
I laugh at his joke and say, “On my way.” Before hanging up on him, grabbing my keys and heading for the door.
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You've got it in you.