The Darkness

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The darkness

The path of drakness,
lies beneath my feet.
Though the phantoms are flying
and the world is asleep.

The trees are listening
and watching our every step.
As we walk side by side
without concept.

The nacturnal are awake.
Though are unseen,
as they are hiding
from what lies in bettween.

Still, Black , Abandond Darkness.
Last edited by XxtiaxX10 on Sat Jan 15, 2011 9:43 am, edited 1 time in total.




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This is good! :D I really liked reading this. It's nice to read, descriptive, infromative... :)
There are tons of spelling mistakes though:
drakness - darkness
phantomes - phantoms
lisntening - listening
nacturnal - nocturnal
abandond - abandoned

I guess that some of these are just because you typed too fast or something?
Well, anyway, you should still always check :D
But, yep, once again... this is really good :) 'specially the first part:
The path of drakness,
lies beneath my feet.
Though the phantomes are flying
and the world is asleep.
That's my favorite part.
And I like the description; abandoned darkness.
So...
Yay :) Xxx
I want to play a game.




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I like this poem and the way it seems to rhyme effortlessly, the only problem is the spelling but that has been pointed out already. Good Work and keep writing the more you write the better you get!!!
A hero isn’t defined by winning. Loads of heroes die in the effort. Most of them never get any recognition. No, a hero is just somebody who does the right thing when it would be far, far easier to do nothing.


~Previously SweetMoments




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The trees are lisntening
and watching our every move.
As we walk side by side
into the dark.

Well this paragraph went a little out of flow... This isn't bad but as all the others rhyme and flow perfectly so this one looks a bit odd....

And its nocturnal not nacturnal....

Just look out for grammer mistakes and everything else is very good...
A good concept...
Keep up the great work... :)
Are you living for the things you are praying for?




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Hi!
I really liked it.
It was very creative, but I do wish that you made it longer, if your going to spend a 100 points on writing, you might as well make it long.
You have a very nice way of writing, but there is always room for improvement!
Thank you very much for posting it and i hope to see more writing like this from you!
Again, I really enjoyed it!
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
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