Red-faced sobbing Surprise

I'm aware that your life lines are leaving your body
and I'm aware that your twilight's in sight
I know the priest cuts you all too shrewdly
But I'll stand with you at her grave tonight
Whether by rain cloud or by ballet moonlight
I'll be at her grave tonight

They brush at your hair and whisper goodbyes
As your fading, forlorn, turning ashen gray
We're youthful, and your grasping at our loose strings
And you get closer to her day by day
The bearvement in broken tears dwindle away
As you near death day by day

For all that do not believe in a God
For all that hold their faith close by bleeding hearts
I'll beg them to whisper your name tonight
for you, who is standing through what's torn you apart
At the grave, hold hands while holding hearts
But we all know death is life's paramount art


For Ariana, who is dying, and her mother, who is dead.

I loved this. I don't think I've been so touched by a poem in a long time. From the simple, flowing rhyming of the stanzas, to the true emotions dripping in every line, it was beautiful, yet harrowing.

One thing: I didn't like the "But" in the last line. It didn't seem to make sense to me. I think "For" would fit better.

Otherwise, I'd encourage you to punctuate but in this case I don't think it is needed.

"But we all know death is life's paramount art"
that was beautiful, amazing.
it's one of the best lines i've ever heard in my life.
i commend you. congradulations kid, i think you're wonderful!

Wow. Talk about heartfelt, not to mention heart-wrenching.

Comments:

I'm aware that your life lines are leaving your body

Should "life lines" be "lifelines?" Anyone know? The two words just didn't look right to me.

They brush at your hair and whisper goodbyes
As your fading, forlorn, turning ashen gray
We're youthful, and your grasping at our loose strings

The first line in this stanza hit hard. A very powerful image.
Second and third lines: Did you mean "you're" as in "you are" rather than the possessive "your?" I guess it makes sense as the adjective, but not as well as a when it's a verb.

For all that do not believe in a God
For all that hold their faith close by bleeding hearts
I'll beg them to whisper your name tonight
for you, who is standing through what's torn you apart
At the grave, hold hands while holding hearts
But we all know death is life's paramount art

And if you wanted to twist a little more deeply into my heart, you did it in this stanza. The repeated use of "for all" in the first two lines worked beautifully. I had to read the third-to-last line twice to make sure I understood, but when I did, I loved it. Standing through what's torn you apart. That's one of those lines that makes you want to cry instantly, because it conjures a million memories of a million painful things and yet is still completely beautiful.

What a piece. Thank you for sharing.