The Death of the Sun/or/A Very Human Situation

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It is a story of two very typical humans, who did something very out of the pattern of behavior, it is a tale of long ago. Like most of their kind they wore skins of other animals, I guess because their own skin could not keep them warm and hidden well enough.


They were not happy; not even when they quenched their thirst and satiated their hunger or when they had a mate they desired. They were thoroughly ploughed by misery to yield a harvest of meaningless reality.
And so they stalked the sun and found where it resided. They ambushed it as it was at an artificial state of innocence all are at when freshly awaken.
I
t screamed, but because the two humans did not want to hear it and no one else was around no one heard it as well. It fought, but was too scared to be efficient.

They held the Sun down and cut its magnificent, golden flesh and it bled light.

They brought the cursed by the deed lumps back to the place they thought they could call home and threw the ugly truth into the fire, hoping for what they knew not. But the plan’s grin was a devil itself because once the light was in the fire it burst. Like a bomb it split them open and nobodies’ skin could be enough to warm them now and hide them from they saw.

They weren’t criminals; they just didn’t know how to control their inner demons.
"I think--therefore I exist" ~ Rene Descartes.
I write--therefore I continue to pursue my most cherished dream.




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I love this. Well written, and well done! keep em coming. i would love to see another in-depth look at this, from why you wrote it, to why it is important enough to you to write it in the first place. I appreciate this. It is excellent




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Hey, Life here to review! :)

You had a really good idea here, it's too bad that the presentation of it could have been better. Your wording was pretty good, but there's room to improve greatly. I'll see if I can help you in this to some extent. :)

First off, let's have ourselves some nit-picks:

out of the pattern of behavior; it is a tale of long ago.


satated their hunger


at an artificial state of innocence in which all are at when freshly awaken.


They brought the lumps, cursed by the deed, back to the palace


It split them open like a bomb


Also, no-body has a line inbetween. ^^

Enough of those. What I think is really bugging me with this is the utter lack of in-depth descriptions. And the wierd thing is, I don't think you should change that. This seems to be in a folk-tale format, so to speak, and I find it annoying and really good at the same time. ^^ Just make sure that if you make longer stories, add more descriptions of how things happen, instead of just telling us about a lot of actions.

A very interesting piece, keep writing!
|WaitingForLife|
Call me crazy; I prefer 'enjoys life while one can'.
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The pen's mightier than the sword - especially when it's wielded by a flipmothering dragon.
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this is a very original piece and i like it very much :D i've decided to add corrections to the original, in red.

"It is a story of two very typical humans, who did something very out of the norm. It is a tale of long ago. Like most of their kind they wore skins of other animals, I guess because their own skin could not keep them warm and hidden well enough.


They were not happy; not even when they quenched their thirst and sated their hunger or when they had a mate they desired. They were thoroughly ploughed by misery to yield a harvest of meaningless reality.
And so they stalked the sun and found where it resided. They ambushed it as it was at the artificial state of innocence all are at when freshly awaken.

It screamed, but the two humans did not want to hear it and no one else was around so no one heard it. It fought, but was too scared to be efficient.

They held the Sun down and cut its magnificent, golden flesh and it bled light.

They brought the lumps back to the place they thought they could call home, cursed by the deed, and threw the ugly truth into the fire, not knowing what they hoped for. But the plan’s grin was a devil itself because once the light was in the fire it burst. Like a bomb it split them open and nobodies’ skin could be enough to warm them now and hide them from they saw.

They weren’t criminals; they just didn’t know how to control their inner demons. "
i never met a more impossible girl.



#longlivebigbrother
— alliyah