Journal Entry #1

Well, it's Monday morning and so far everything has majorly sucked.
(As Mondays tend to be.)
My sister was sick, so I had to ride the train to school by myself...
But I missed it. So, I had to sit out in the snow for half an hour by myself and wait for another train...But I refuse to let this spoil my day! TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY.
I am writing this in all caps because it makes me sound like I am demanding something...
When in reality, my current state is that I am sitting on the (late) train next to an elderly woman so nauseatingly sick that I can practically hear her lungs screaming in pain with every heaving cough she makes.
If I could, I would miss school today.
However, I cannot.
You see, the headmaster of my school telephoned my house not too long ago and made some preposterous accusations that I was a truant and had been skipping school. I say these claims are childish and ill-mannered and cannot be proven. SO THERE!

But really, I fear for my health sitting next to Dying Lady.
Across from me, is a man staring intently at the chair in front of him.
Its like he's trying to levitate or something. He's got this glazed over expression which leads me to two possible conclusions:
1) He's asleep with his eyes open or
2) he's a zombie.
I'd like to think he's a zombie, just because that sounds much more interesting. I can almost imagine me discussing this with my friends over lunch:
"Yeah, I had a cup of coffee for breakfast, missed my train...and stabbed a zombie."
Not saying that I would stab him...For all I know he could just be a very confused man who enjoys staring at chairs...
Also, I have nothing to stab him with.
So, I'll just sit here...
You may very well say I'm crazy,
But I say it's just Monday.

Hi there
Welcome to the site!
So, onward to the review-

Honestly, I really wasn't crazy about the ending. It didn't hold my attention for too long, and I ended up forcing myself to read to the end because it was a short piece. However, I'm very glad that I did. You have a nice sense of humor in the rest of it, and I found myself relating to you very much. I kind of think the same way.

The beginning felt too much like a "Dear Diary, today I was sad and this happened and this happened and this..." without much personality or interest behind it. But then, it became very creative (without overdoing it, of course) and was quite a nice read.

I would try to bring that same personality to the beginning of the piece. The interest really started (for me at least) when you commented on your own using of caps, faltered for a moment, and then grabbed me right here:

You see, the headmaster of my school telephoned my house not too long ago and made some preposterous accusations that I was a truant and had been skipping school. I say these claims are childish and ill-mannered and cannot be proven. SO THERE!

This has oodles of personality. And wonderful language.
I know that I lost interest really quickly, but that's what readers do; your first sentence really does set the tone and makes a great deal of an impression.

Anyways- really nice job. Looking forward to reading more from you.

-Coral-

Interesting entry.
These is a little confusing because I don't usually read this kind of writing.
Nice job though!