Going Cold Turkey

She’d fallen asleep in the haze,
when everything hurt and pulsed and throbbed,
each beat of her burning heart a reminder
of the addiction that must be thrown from her used-up body--
she slept fitfully, haunted with dreams of ecstasy,
ones where she got exactly what she yearned for
and dissolved into self-loathing tears
and animalistic wants, grabbing, ripping, clutching what
her body needed, a feral smile birthed between two broken lips,
determined to keep her prize, willing to kill for it, live for it, die for it...

she awoke to a wet pillow, but when she turned her
aching, weeping head, he was there too,
warm as always,
peaceful eyes smiling and closed as he softly snored next to her,
having curled up next to her on the floor
sometime during the night, determined to be there
when she awoke.
his arm lay about her,
encircling her in a security she’d forgotten existed,
and as she fell into another sleep, she knew he was there,
and for the first time in a long while,
she slept as she should have.




This was inspired by oneword.com's word "security". Not excellent, but I think there might be a concept I might salvage in the future. Thoughts for now?

Thanks for reading!
-Coral-

I liked it.

I recently quit smoking, so the title immediately through me into the mood of reminiscing.

The withdrawals are true enough, regardless of what it is you are going without. From personal experience you can tend to loath that person who is security, for their support "expects" you to be strong... its a love hate relationship you may want to hint at. it seems he is viewed ina perfect matter, for someone in the throws of withdrawal that can be something hated and complicated.

aside from that I loved it and am damn glad I am 80 days past it

This is one of my favorites of yours. You've started to work in some emotion to mix with your imagery, and it works really nicely.
Actually, my main criticism is that the second stanza doesn't really have any of your distinctive, beautiful style of imagery. There is plenty of material there for some really powerful description, but right now you've taken a very simplistic approach. I want to see that moment in all of its beauty.

of the addiction that must be thrown from her used-up body--

I thought addiction was too blunt here. However, looking at ways you might edit it, it seems like it would be hard to make your meaning clear without stating addiction outright. I suggest that you make this line more subtle, and then change your title to be an allusion to addiction or withdrawal. I know the current title already is one, but "Going Cold Turkey" feels too silly for the tone of the poem. Something more emotional and serious would be better suited.

That's all I have. Weave in some imagery, and you'll have a stunning poem. I don't know what else to say. Fantastic work