free

where to go
what to do
what to dream
what to hope

empty answers
empty hearts
I cannot see
It is too dark

You say something
I heard you speak
I try to listen
I try to reach

they rang the bell
it made some noise
please make it stop
I can't keep up

if you expect
so much from me
will you embrace
what's left of me

i have some dreams
they are but few
I found them broken
there's nothing new

will you be there
to hold my hand
will you reach out
and calm my heart

i built some dreams
and they are gone
to start again
is hard but fun
only if you stay with me
all my hurts will then be free

empty answers
empty hearts
I cannot see
It is too dark

You say something
I heard you speak
I try to listen
I try to reach

if you expect so much from me
will you embrace
what's left of me

i have some dreams
they are but few
I found them broken
there's nothing new

I absolutely LOVED those stanzas! Your poem has excellent flow, and although vague, a good theme to it. All I didn't particularly like about this was the last two stanzas. The second to last one, didn't flow exactly right, nor did the last one. They were still go, but the flow got interuppted.

Anyways! Good poem. Keep up the nice poetry ^.^

Hey I really enjoyed this poem.
It flowed well and kept me reading.
The only thing I will point out is you're "I" 's, you need to capitalize them or it gets distracting.
Apart from that, a really good piece with beautiful imagery, I felt drawn into the poem.
Well done!

You have no punctuation... but, I suppose since it's poetry it isn't all that necesary. It kind of bugged me that the last stanza was longer... I guess I'm just weird like that. I do think though, that it would be better if you added two more lines and separated into two stanzas. All in all, good job, this was short and simple and a very good piece of poetry. Oh, and the line "they are but few" didn't fit in my opinion. It was almost too formal, like it sounded like something that would be in a deep, complicated poem while yours is more easy to read and understand. I just feel like it should be reworded. Hm, what else? Just keep writing, I love your style! Good job.

This poem is great! I love its rhythm. I also love how you express what you're writing about; it's understandable but not in-your-face like some poems are. Thumbs up from me!

This poem is quite good. I liked the flow- it worked well. The only thing I would have liked to see was a difinative rhyme scheme- do you rhyme them all, or don't rhyme any? Otherwise, this is a good poem, nice work

Time for some nitpicks!



"where to go?
what to do?
what to dream?
what to hope?

empty answers,
empty hearts.
I cannot see-
It is too dark.

You say something-
I hear you speak,
I try to listen-
I try to reach.

they rang the bell-
it made some noise,
please make it stop-
I can't keep up.

if you expect
so much from me-
will you embrace
what's left of me?

I have some dreams-
they are but few;
I found them broken-
there's nothing new.

will you be there
to hold my hand?
will you reach out
and calm my heart?

I built some dreams-
and they are gone.
to start again
is hard but fun;
only if you stay with me-
all my hurts will then be free"


I had some issues with sentence structures- my most simple example- last line.
'All my hurts(make no sense here) will then be free(will then be free is weird sentencing)'

But aside from that- I really related to it.
Keep writing- or I will come to you in the bad dreams!
SubjectBlue.

Hello! I am here for nitpicking!

Where to go?
What to do ?
What to dream?
What to hope?

Empty answers,
empty hearts.
I cannot see.
It is too dark.

You say something,
I heard you speak.
I try to listen,
I try to reach.

They rang the bell,
it made some noise.
Please make it stop,
I can't keep up.

If you expect
so much from me,
will you embrace
what's left of me?

I have some dreams,
they are but few.
I found them broken,
there's nothing new.

Will you be there,
to hold my hand?
Will you reach out,
and calm my heart?

I built some dreams,
and they are gone.
To start again,
is hard but fun.
Only if you stay with me.
All my hurts will then be free.

Just some punctuation and capitalization errors. The poem was wonderful, and I loved it, but it was like a good man going to prom in dungarees. He just needed a tux. The poem is good, but it just needs to look good. Get what I am trying to say?

Anyways, good job, good work, and good luck with future writing!



----LostMagi

Good Writing! The structure was okay but the rhyming was a bit off. They did not follow a particular pattern. Most of us writers have this problem so I think it's better if you stick to free verse. Your message flows freely then.
Except some punctuation and capitalization errors that the last comment has already taken care of, the poem is a good piece.

Hi there!

All right, my comments are in red below.

chasingstars wrote:Where to go The first word of the poem should be capilatized.
what to do
what to dream
what to hope Add a period here.
I really like the way you started this off, but it's a tad plain. You gave me some good words that flow well together, but that's all I got. Add some punctuation for added effect and tell me what's behind the words.

empty answers
empty hearts
I cannot see
It is too dark
Okay, I get what you're trying to say here. The empty answers and hearts are so dark you can't see your future.

You say something
I heard you speak The rest of this stanza is in present tense.
I try to listen
I try to reach

they rang the bell
it made some noise What kind of sound did it make though? Describe it to me.
please make it stop
I can't keep up

if you expect
so much from me
will you embrace
what's left of me

i have some dreams
they are but few
I found them broken
there's nothing new
I like this stanza the best out of all of these. You put some good emotion into this.

will you be there
to hold my hand
will you reach out
and calm my heart
This stanza also has some great emotion in it.

i built some dreams
and they are gone
to start again
is hard but fun
only if you stay with me
all my hurts will then be free

Okay, looking back on this I think I was a little harsh with my review. Basically what I was trying to tell you is that I want to see more out of this. It's not a bad poem, but it's not the best either. If you add some more imagery and put more emotion into this I think it'll be great.

Overall I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!