An Insight Into A Teenager's Mind

This is a poem I wrote for an English assignment. Hope you enjoy it, and please post a review so that I can improve and all.
Hope you enjoy it, and maybe you can relate to it!
WARNING: The rhythm isn't very strong, I tried my best



I am a teenager, being fifteen;
I'll tell you what people think about being a teen

You always think you're right, and when you get it wrong;
You blame it on the person who knew it all along

You boast about all the different things that you can do;
You sulk around for months if someone does it better than you

You never seem to care about what happens in the world;
You won't even want to know how to turn lead to gold

You'll always act as if you are the leader of the kingdom;
I think you'd guess we'd chose wealth over wisdom

Yes, as a teenager my mind might seem like a shallow pool;
But in fact I only need your strength and support to make it rule

There's more in a teen's mind than what you might have known;
We all have a desire to make Earth a better home

In every teen's heart there's an urge to face the world together;
Most acknowledge the fact early and embrace the truth forever

Yes, I am a teenager, I believe there will be a time;
Where teens will be looked up to for having such great minds.
---

Well, this is an interesting...insight! I like it.

The only grammar things I noticed were:

There's more into this should be 'in', not 'into' a teen's mind than what you might have known;
We all have a desire to make Earth a better home

and:

You boast about all the different things that you could can do;
You sulk around for months if someone does it better than you

Another thing was this verse:

Yes, as a teenager my mind might seem like a shallow pool;
But in fact I only need the warmth of a sweater made of wool

I don't get it. What have the two lines got to do with each other? If you just added the second line so it would rhyme try to think of something more relevant. If I just missed the point then disregard this.

The last thing is your rhythm. The length of your lines changes a lot, and it really interrupts the flow. For example:

I am a teenager, being fifteen; ten syllables
I'll tell you what people think about being a teen thirteen syllables

You always think you're right, and when you get it wrong; twelve syllables
You blame it on the person who knew all along twelve syllables

You boast about all the different things that you could do; fourteen syllables
You sulk around for months if someone does it better than you fifteen syllables

There's more to rhythm than syllables, but making the lines a uniform number of syllables, or having consistent changes, would be a start.

I really liked the ideas in this! I love that you're giving a new perspective on what people think about teenagers, really good work!

-pigeon

Wonderful...
It surely does relate to me and to every teen out there....
Great rhythm and a perfect flow....
I wish i could write like you can....
Keep writing...
PM me for anything...

nice one1!!!

Love it ^^

Got it sorted!

Hi!
I loved it so much, and it was very true!
You did a great job and you were very creative.
Your rhyming wa pretty good and I hope to see more like this from you!
THanks for posting it, again, I really enjoyed it!

I see what you mean when you say the rhythm is not very strong, but I see the insight and potential of this poem. It seems a bit informal to be though with a lot of you's and other words that could be cut out. I am sorry I cannot be more specific, but I if I were you I would re-read this poem aloud and see if it flows. Some words in here can be changed or placed in another sequence. Overall it is a good poem, but if you read it aloud you will see the few mistakes which take away its power. Then it will be a great poem.

Hey!
I loved this poem. It's good not to read a depressing/sad poem once in a while. Keep Writing!

Thanks, all of you, this is actually my first poem that isn't written for a song!
Thanks for your support!
Maisoon
P.S. I think you'll see some improvement in my future works {inshallah}- yeah, I'm a Muslim. But that doesn't mean I'm a terrorist.

But in fact I only need your strength and support to make it rule

This is my favorite line. I love how you tie in that teens could be so much greater if adults would grow up and help them out once in a while and realize that they really do have good ideas and ways to contribute to society. Good work!

Great poem i really liked it

You blame it on the person who knew all along

I think that maybe it should say: who knew IT all along

Yes, as a teenager my mind might seem like a shallow pool;
But in fact I only need your strength and support to make it rule

I deeply enjoyed this line along with this one:

Yes, I am a teenager, I believe there will be a time;
Where teens will be looked up to for having such great minds.

I think they are both beautiful and very truthful, you did a very good job at it.

a very honest poem, I really loved it =)

Thanks a lot!
I am a teenager, being fifteen;
I'll tell you what people think about being a teen

You always think you're right, and when you get it wrong;
You blame it on the person who knew it all along

You boast about all the different things that you can do;
You sulk around for months if someone does it better than you

You never seem to care about what happens in the world;
You won't even want to know how to turn lead to gold

You'll always act as if you are the leader of the kingdom;
I think you'd guess we'd chose wealth over wisdom

Yes, as a teenager my mind might seem like a shallow pool;
But in fact I only need your strength and support to make it rule

There's more in a teen's mind than what you might have known;
We all have a desire to make Earth a better home

In every teen's heart there's an urge to face the world together;
Most acknowledge the fact early and embrace the truth forever

Yes, I am a teenager, I believe there will be a time;
Where teens will be looked up to for having such great minds.
---

i really like this! the flow was nice, and it made a lot of sense. its really relatable. (:
keep it up!

-rayne

Wow, I can relate to almost ever line of this. Especially the parts refering to be a sore loser because I can't stand being wrong! this was a good insight, but I think a little to basic. Maybe you could write another one to go with it that goes deeper into the heart and soul of some teenagers because we certainly aren't all we appear to be.