Five Lucky YWSers

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Insanity joined my posse and persuaded me to write about YWSers I know well, the results are five strange poems about them. Now to answer question burning on your mind, I only do a poem if I know ya well enough or well enough. Now to begin we first have.

Split Seconds in Flames (Annie)

It's like an inferno meeting your gaze,
you admire the beauty but can't near the haze;
choking the smoke or the jokes you hoot,
a teasing dance of trickster askew.
Tortorous riddles of the mind eyes,
a bind of friendship and hope refined.
It's often said a dragon in flight is safer than death
or even the fallen angel draws you to lava,
down the volcano and screaming out,
it takes a dive to experience that.

Trusting the devil is hard task,
trusting a mirror of the sins,
of napalm beauty and ultimate
child you have to admire she
certainly can sing.


Dreams in a Faraway Land (Isha)

Land of dreams you rule with grace,
it's not real with imagination, whether
you dance with a storybook pledge
or offer secrets to lands of yore.
Take a dive and a sword and lead
us along -- in a scripted fantasy
written by one. You walk the red path
and avoid the yellow, for gold is pretty but never lasts.

Believer and faith you are still kind,
singing the tale or reciting prayer,
you can't hate.

Hunted by many wild nightmares which
merge into Inception corridor and end--
end down a path in an island you stay
forever a kid...

Take us through a wild ride,
imagination fairly conflicts
but takes us finally to the
land you brag and emote.


Broken Jigsaw (Em)

All a muddle, a distant saw with a jig,
a missing song, a lost chapter a key
to a door burnt down in a war.
A guirilla skirmish in the suburbs,
of judgement and bias due to direction in life
whether a skip from a mine or a hop in acid,
swim to the depths where your flesh boils
and feel alive experiencing pain in threshold
of ultimate distress.

A dice is thrown in the ring,
you choose a Scotman,
a Canadian, an Asian and
two americans -- lifes like a joke
but none of the laughs,
but even in hell you still love
even while on the river Styx
I know many of us are happy
you're here.


Narcoleptic Friendship (Andes)

An orient pride in a kiwi land,
you try wear a mask for all occasions,
much like jester you entertain--
much like a warriors you've been slain,
a noob or a ninja you can decide.

Narcoleptic with stress,
you fall on desk, muttering
about shoes that care.

You were pwned my friend
by Mr Sandman himself.

But even in fault you still shine,
you can give sight to the blind,
give a voice to reason and right,
respect is earned through utter
strife but it has to be said.

You're a banana and sleepy
I don't care, you stand by
your principals and know
what's right, even if it's
maple syrup or dealing
with stress.


Faces and Profiles in Cyberland (PhoenixBishop)

Many faces we see day to day,
you're clearly really quite sane,
but honestly it seems from time to time,
that you share the genes we all bear,
writers are lunatics you everyday --
you join in the madness we all seemingly bear,
with new faces, new bodies we all stare,
in medical terms you'd be called mad,
with possible chance of personality disorder
associated with many, majority fools,
winning goals it's only a echoe of a further
stream of deep myriad stories of emotional
turmoil.

It's the often the case
your story still not
known.

*****

Hope you enjoyed :)
You poor take courage
You rich take care
This earth was made a common treasury
For everyone to share
All things in common
All people one
We come in peace
The orders came to cut them down

Billy Bragg - The World Turned Upside Down




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Points 1040
Reviews 19
Hello, I quite enjoyed these poems, and I'm sure those who you have written about will greatly love them as well. These five poems have some up and downs, a few lines that break that mood in the poetry as well, but besides all those their.. five famously poems, now off for my thoughts on each one.

Spoiler
Split Seconds in Flames (Annie)

It's like an inferno meeting your gaze,
you admire the beauty but can't near the haze;
choking the smoke or the jokes you hoot,
a teasing dance of trickster askew.
Torturous riddles of the mind eyes,
a bind of friendship and hope refined.
It's often said a dragon in flight is safer than death
or even the fallen angel draws you to lava,
down the volcano and screaming out,
it takes a dive to experience that.


Trusting the devil is hard task,
trusting a mirror of the sins,
of napalm beauty and ultimate
child you have to admire she
certainly can sing.
I liked this poem, and the use of the word, "Inferno" in the beginning, I just love the word! Haha, the only problem I had with this poem was everything in the first stanza after, "A teasing dance of tricksters askew" Because... the line "Torturous riddles of the mind eyes" doesn't make much sense and threw me off of the mood of this here poem. For the second part about trusting the devil is a hard task... now that was a great four lines and I have nothing bad to say about this. The over all feel of this poem was most defiantly one to see a beautiful girl who has a dark demonic side to her.


Dreams in a Faraway Land (Isha)

Land of dreams you rule with grace,
it's not real with imagination, whether
you dance with a storybook pledge
or offer secrets to lands of yore.
Take a dive and a sword and lead
us along -- in a scripted fantasy
written by one. You walk the red path
and avoid the yellow, for gold is pretty but never lasts.

Believer and faith you are still kind,
singing the tale or reciting prayer,
you can't hate.

Hunted by many wild nightmares which
merge into Inception corridor and end--
end down a path in an island you stay
forever a kid...

Take us through a wild ride,
imagination fairly conflicts
but takes us finally to the
land you brag and emote.
This poem didn't have really an flaws besides this one part that made me think like... Gangster talk or what ever, I know it isn't but as a reader and in today's generation my brain automatically read it as, "You can't hate" dawg. Besides that I liked the feel of this poem, as the reader I can tell you're talking about how she is one of those people who go and use the storybooks quite frequently? Any how, this one is also beautiful along with the others.

Broken Jigsaw (Em)

All a muddle, a distant saw with a jig,
a missing song, a lost chapter a key
to a door burnt down in a war.
A guerrilla skirmish in the suburbs,
of judgment and bias due to direction in life
whether a skip from a mine or a hop in acid,
swim to the depths where your flesh boils
and feel alive experiencing pain in threshold
of ultimate distress.

A dice is thrown in the ring,
you choose a Scotsman,
a Canadian, an Asian and
two (A)mericans -- lives like a joke
but none of the laughs,
but even in hell you still love
even while on the river Styx
I know many of us are happy
you're here.
This poem had a few typos, that I have listed read in the above quote, and the feel of the poem besides that fact I feel as if I got cut short at the end, like there was much more left for you to write, the feeling of incompleteness, it's almost like a cliffhanger of sorts. I loved the first line in this Poem, it was really different and stood out to me, even tho it's sorta cliche you made it work, congrats, this poem was great!

Narcoleptic Friendship (Andes)

An orient pride in a kiwi land,
you try "and"wear a mask for all occasions,
much like a jester you entertain--
much like a warrior you've been slain,
a noob or a ninja you can decide.

Narcoleptic with stress,
you fall on desk, muttering
about shoes that care.

You were pwned my friend
by Mr Sandman himself.

But even in fault you still shine,
you can give sight to the blind,
give a voice to reason and right,
respect is earned through utter
strife but it has to be said.

You're a banana and sleepy
I don't care, you stand by
your principals and know
what's right, even if it's
maple syrup or dealing
with stress.
This poem gave me a happy feeling, a feeling of laughter and joy, you really hit this person spot on, and the use of game lingo, "noob" and "pwnd" was funny of sorts, and the only parts I had troubles with was in the first bit, I was missing some letters and had a few extra that I changed around to make it so the flow keeps going, over all this was one of my personal favorites of these five poems! Cause of my mood I'm not thinking with much emotion this tiresome morning!
Faces and Profiles in Cyberland (PhoenixBishop)

Many faces we see day to day,
you're clearly really quite sane,
but honestly it seems from time to time,
that you share the genes we all bear,
writers are lunatics you everyday --
you join in the madness we all seemingly bear,
with new faces, new bodies we all stare,
in medical terms you'd be called mad,
with possible chance of personality disorder
associated with many, majority fools,
winning goals it's only a echo of a further
stream of deep myriad stories of emotional
turmoil.

It's the often the case
your story still not
known.
I loved this poem, seeing as I know this member and have spoke with him quite a few times already, I found nothing wrong with this poem besides the spelling error and one thing at the end that didn't make much sense to me at all, "It's the often the case your story still not known" it just doesn't sound legitimately correct to me, but that could just be me, over all I really got into your head with this one, the feel of me seeing what you see in this member.


Over all, these five poems were great, and even with those few issues I had with them, I was able to look past them and love, feel, and read these poems with great content and feel as if I was the writer himself, being with in his head seeing these members as he himself sees him.




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Y'know which one I like best? Mine! The first. Even if it wasn't about me I'd still like it the most. It's kind of...awesome.
Ideas don't stay in heads very long because they don't like solitary confinement.




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RazHuni wrote:Y'know which one I like best? Mine! The first. Even if it wasn't about me I'd still like it the most. It's kind of...awesome.


I still like mine five billion times better. :P I was surprised at how accurate it was, actually. xD Pally, I loffle you so much for that.
However, I refuse to write a real review for a poem that's about me/some of my friends. xD
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?




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Gender None specified
Points 9046
Reviews 114
Isha wrote:
RazHuni wrote:Y'know which one I like best? Mine! The first. Even if it wasn't about me I'd still like it the most. It's kind of...awesome.



I still like mine five billion times better. I was surprised at how accurate it was, actually. xD Pally, I loffle you so much for that.
However, I refuse to write a real review for a poem that's about me/some of my friends. xD


Pshh...five billion times better...nope, mine wins. Period. I was surprised at the accuracy too, actually.
Ideas don't stay in heads very long because they don't like solitary confinement.



If I were a girl in a book, this would all be so easy.
— Jo March