The reaction was only two cars cars ahead and I heard the pained screams of the drivers and passengers as they were battered and crushed.So yea, that was all the corrections I found. I loved it, it really was great. Write more.
The train hit the car that was stopped on the tracks with such an enormous amount of force that the car was crushed and pushed into the car behind it.This sentence is very long and exhausted. I would suggest that you make shorter sentences out of it.
As I watched this chain reaction of crushing cars in the street before me, I looked down at my belly and, huge due to pregnancy, and rubbed it softly.Slow down with the commas. I think you should rephrase it.
If I didn't leave to buy this apple, both of us would be safe at home and Jason would have had nothing to worry about.I think it's a bit too early in the story to be showing the characters regrets and you seemed to have dwelled too much on that. I would suggest you hint a little bit and then expand more towards the end. Right now, the story needs to be told and I'm getting very little on that.
Goodbye Ricky, was my last thought before the entirety of the other car completely crushed mine.
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