To Fall Beneath One's Shadow

I don't know why I made something so riddled, but here it is... In essense, it's free verse, but I don't know all that much about what I'm doing, so suggestions for improving the piece are welcome.





First- the night explodes with a prolonged death of the heart
second- feel the sting
second as well- hear it ring
Fourth & Last- it starts again

Stop the dial Turn on a lamp Give up one's soul
Find a new one Try it on Gain its knowledge Make a shadow
throw it out then return to the old one Enlightened this time
try from the beginning once more

An explosion newly found inside
bursts a hole so bright but in disguise
follow
Then fall but not far

the shadow skin freshly sown by like hands
doesn't falter to latter explosion
or a light or a brilliance so live again
with this shadow you shall forge a world of wonder

In Wonder The World Shall Crumble.
a world of hopes and fears
flames of radiance and death
a heart loved but broken
___
»3« is the number before it all ends
and all life boils and collapses
Then to a place where belonging is all that matters
its not very hard to fall beneath one's shadow in such a place---To Belong

now your dreams are shattered
like unlucky frozen mirrors Fragile
Maybe if you aimed for something a bit closer...
maybe you wouldn't have fell a second time... Beneath your shadow

~And maybe your skin would have held on tighter.~

Awe, I can't say anything about the structure or rhythm? haha, just kidding!

Any how, the good thing about poetry is that one doesn't have to make sense, rhyme, or anything else! You can just write, write.. and well right to your hearts content. But other than that It's not very poetic but it does sound like it'd make a great story! If you never put that last paragraph this was going to be my first real review with the reds and stuff but it's not really.. I like the whole Sci fie thing thoe, like i said this would make a great story!

Good luck writing! AND keep writing :3 Look forward to seeing more of your content.

Thank you!

over all, I like this a lot. But, to me, it sounds more like a narrative. This would be a really good story and i admire your work because I can see that you put time into it and didn't carelessly write it.

Wow, a really emotional piece of poetry.
The imagery is strong and I actually really enjoyed the structure that in the end was used as it felt to me to be more flowing and natural. It kept me reading to the end and absorbing what was being said, though I was a little unsure about what it was about.
Well done!