55+5, summative.

This year for my English summative I have to write 10 short stories that are EXACTLY 60 words. (It's called 55+5) So I've written a bunch, but these are the ones that I want to use so far. Five of my stories have to relate to themes from works we've looked at in class, so I've mentioned the theme of the story as well.

Please be VERY critical because I have to hand these in for marks!! Oh, and the title DOESN'T count as part of the 60 words.

Alone At Last

“You need to leave me ALONE!” she yelled.
"Fine!” he said, watching her leave.
***
Later, as she quietly read her book, the phone rang, ruining her silence.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Your boyfriend’s dead, he took his life this morning.” a sad voice told her.
She couldn’t breathe; she barely noticed when she dropped the phone.
“Alone at last…” she whispered.

Theme: Betrayal, her boyfriend took his life, leaving her alone which is "technically" what she wanted

Decisions

My perfect world is hanging by a thread. Too many choices to make, there’s so many options. I imagined life as a lawyer, dentist, actress or even a writer. Time was ticking. Left or right? Up or down? What to choose?
Mom says I should be a doctor. Dad says to join real estate, like him.
But I will decide.

Theme: I don't really have a theme for this one, maybe innocence to experience?

True Friends

I’d been impatiently waiting for hours, my fingers tapping against my leg. I waited in the silence, praying that God would save her. We’d been best friends for ten years, I couldn’t lose her.
“Jenny?” the nurses asked.
“Yes, is she okay?” I pleaded.
“Come and see.”
I followed the nurse, but didn’t go far when I heard a bark.

Theme: Faithful Friends

Sorrow

Cancer. Such a commonly known word. Bringing fear, sadness and death.
I never thought I’d have to know these fears. I never thought sorrow could find me this way. Death was too close to my heart.
My mom tried to be brave, but sorrow found her too. She feels the loss as much as I do.
I miss you dad.

Themes: Love, loss, family.

Memories

He sat outside the church, like always. I’ve thought about talking to him, but my mother wouldn’t approve.
As I passed him, he looked at me. His eyes were pale blue and his face mirrored the sadness in them.
Again, I thought about talking to him, but my fear won.
One day, he wasn’t there. He was only a memory.

Theme: Outcast

NEW ONE:

What Freedom Feels Like

I was so nervous; I couldn’t believe I hadn’t fallen yet. I wobbled from side to side, nearly crashing into the pavement. I turned and saw my parents fading in the distance.
This is it, I thought.
I started to pedal faster, moving with the wind. I was flying now, no one could stop me.
Finally, I was flying free.

Theme: Maybe innocence to experience?

60 words look hard to do, so I give you credit for even trying

Alone at last- seemed too brunt, although you kind of have to be for the word limit.
Descisions- Too simple, perhaps you can do a 'knew I was better than what they said' theme and have the mom want the narrator to become a nurse, something simple and not as great as the other jobs he feels he can reach.
True Friends- loved it! Great twist and emotions, absolutely nothing wrong...

gtg-, these were pretty good!

First of all, kudos for even trying. 60 words is really hard.

Alone at Last -

This is good. The theme is great ; how many times have you gotten what you asked for, and then realized you didn't want it at all?

However, the suicide is just too drastic, I think. 'I need some 'me' time, okay?' is a very rational, calm statement, and suicide is... well, it's suicide! I think it would be more effective if she said something like 'Go away!' or 'I don't want to see your face!' I know that's not the right amount of words. What I'm trying to say is that she should say something more forceful.

Decisions -

I really liked this one, especially because a lot of people can relate to it - I know I'm stuck in a huge conflict about what academic path to choose. :s However, 'I must decide' is just a tad bit boring. I think you could try a different angle, like the MC refusing to give into their parents pressure.

The 60 word limit makes it hard though, so it's good just the way it is if it's too hard to change. (:

True Friends -

I'm trying to be critical, but I can't find a complaint with this one! I love how at the end it's a dog, and not a sister or just a boring human best friend. I loved it.

Sorrow -

This is a very good one too. My only problem is the line 'such a commonly known word'. I'm not sure whether that really works. Maybe something like 'such a common, powerful, word'? This might just be me being weird, so disregard it if I sound crazy.

Other than that, great!

Memories -

I think this one might be my favourite, though the word limit is hard. I tried to cut some out, I hope it helps -

The old man sat outside the church, where he always was. I’ve thought about talking to him, but my mother wouldn’t approve.

Today as I passed him, he looked at me. His eyes were pale blue and his face mirrored the sadness in his eyes them.

Again, I thought about talking to him, but - my fear won.

One day, he wasn’t there. That day he was only a memory.

I'm not sure whether this works or not... it's just an idea, hopefully it helps you figure out what to cut.

Overall, really good job! I enjoyed reading them a lot. I can't imagine trying to write stories in 60 words, so it's even more impressive. :3