Letter Never Sent

This is a very rough piece that I wrote to vent my feelings. Whilst not all of it is true, the feelings are generally there, hence why it's kind of rough around the edges. So please feel free to criticise

Dear Connor,

We’ve argued about many things in the past. They’re stupid things; things that don’t even mean anything to me. I mean, seriously – you can eat all my cookies if you want. You can eat my chocolate too. Heck, turn my bedroom into your private zoo! Besides, I live along a load of monkeys already. The boys in my year are proof enough of that. They're like... well, clowns. So I’m pretty sure a few more won’t do much difference. Please, do whatever you like. Just don’t leave, okay? Don’t leave me.

You’re my brother – but you’re also my best friend. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you’re gone. I’m sitting here and I’m writing this but I really don’t know. Nothing comes to mind. Seriously, it’s hard enough when you weren’t with us that time in Spain. There was nobody in the pool for me to hang out with. I just... swam. There was no fun. I missed you so much. That was for a mere two weeks. Actually, it wasn't even two weeks. It was ten mere days.

So tell me. What am I going to do? When you’re off, fighting a war, where am I? What am I meant to do? Do I sit at home and wait? Do I get on with my life? I won’t be doing either and you know full well that I won’t. I have a future too. I need to prepare for it. I’m going to constantly be distracted. I’m going to dread that phone call, saying you're dead or maimed or seriously injured or... or something. I've heard the stories on the news. I'm going to worry. Every single day of my god-damned life.

I’m not going to tell you not to go, Connor. I can’t. It’s been your dream for so long now. I have no right to tell you that you can’t go and achieve that. I have no right to ask you to stay, even if I want you to. Every time I think of saying those words, I stop myself. Do you know why? It’s because, every time, I wonder how I would feel, if you would ask me to give up on my dream. I couldn’t do that. I love you, dude. But a dream’s a dream. There is no way you’re making me give up on that. And that’s why I’m not going to ask you.

Do you remember a few years back? I was moaning about how I thought I was ugly and guys didn’t look at me. You said that I was obviously looking for the wrong guys. Do you remember? I went to school happy that day. You made me grin from ear to ear. You’re great like that – you always know the right thing to say. It’s why you’re so much better at worming yourself out of trouble than I am. Then again, they never expect it from me, do they?

I hate you, you know. Well, obviously, that’s a lie. I don’t hate you. But what I do hate? I hated the fact that I have to live up to your standard. You’re so clever, even without trying. Teachers loved you when you were in school. You have so many friends. You’re great at sports. You’re good at singing. You can flash a smile and someone melts. I’ve seen it. I can’t do any of that, Connor. It makes me feel small because everyone expects it from me. They expect me to get higher grades than you, because I try. Sure, teachers love me. I don’t have friends though. How many times have I ended up hurt? I’m awful at sports. You’ve seen me run. Singing? How many times have you told me to shut up because I sounds like a cat squealing? If I smile, someone asks what the heck is wrong with the freak.

You’re amazing. Everyone loves you. Everyone wants you as their best friend. But you’re my best friend, Connor, do you hear me? Nobody can ever take you away from me. I won’t ever allow that. I think everyone knows it too. You don’t see that though, do you? You don’t see your feeble little sister craving your attention, or trying to get everyone to get off her back. I protect you all the time. I protect you from who I am.

I know you think I’m a freak. Everyone does. You hear my laugh and you tell me to shut up. I embarrass you in front of your friends. It’s only because I wish I was you. Everyone loves you. You’re a clown. They laugh at you for the right reasons. They laugh at me because I’m weird. So I do what I do best and agree.

Despite the amount of things that I hate about you, I love you so much. I know you won’t listen to me. I know you won’t even bother with this letter, even if I were to give it to you. What I’m trying to say, Connor, is that even if I hate you, I prefer living in your live shadow than your dead one. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Ever.

Love from,
Your feeble little sister,
Cat xx

Hey! I'm Gen, and I'll be reviewing today. ^-^

I must say, I quite quite liked this. Your emotions were so raw and so real I felt everything that you were trying to get across. Great job!

I just had a few teensy nitpicks:

I’m not going to tell you not to go, Connor. I can’t. It’s been your dream for so long now. I have no right to tell you that you can’t go and achieve that. I have no right to ask you to stay, even if I want you to. Every time I think of saying those words, I stop myself. Do you know why? It’s because, every time, I wonder how I would feel, if you would ask me to give up on my dream. I couldn’t do that, Connor. I love you, dude. But a dream’s a dream. There is no way you’re making me give up on that. And that’s why I’m not going to ask you.

I hate you, you know. Well, obviously, that’s a lie. I don’t hate you. But what I do hate? I hated the fact that I have to live up to your standard. You’re so clever, even without trying. Teachers loved you. You have so many friends. You’re great at sports. You’re good at singing. You can flash a smile and someone melts. I’ve seen it. I can’t do any of that, Connor. It makes me feel small because everyone expects it from me. They expect me to get higher grades than you, because I try. Sure, teachers love me. I don’t have friends though. How many times have I ended up hurt? I’m awful at sports. You’ve seen me run. Singing? How many times have you told me to shut up because I sound like a cat squealing? If I smile, someone asks what the heck is wrong with the freak.

You’re amazing. Everyone loves you. Everyone wants you as their best friend. But you’re my best friend, Connor, do you hear me? Nobody can ever take you away from me. I won’t ever allow that. I think everyone knows it too. I’m so protective of you, it’s untrue. You don’t see that though, do you? You don’t see your feeble little sister craving your attention, or trying to get everyone to get off her back. I protect you all the time. I protect you from who I am.

I didn't really understand the blue sentence above - I'm not sure what you meant.


I suppose other than those nitpicks, I'm not really much help, because I don't think I'd change anything.

Like I said, I really thought this was fantastic. Just the way your feelings were portrayed... you perfectly captured the relationship between brother and sister, and the way you don't want to make him stay but at the same time can't let him go.

Good work, keep writing!

~Gen

Thanks for taking the time to review Gen I appreciate it. I'm about to go and make those changes now that you've picked up. As for the blue sentence - you're right, it doesn't fit but it was a vent and I just sort of wrote it. I think I'll take it out.

Otherwise, I'm glad you liked it

Thanks
- Catri

this was good. i enjoyed reading it... not many mistakes:

Dear Connor,

We’ve argued about many things in the past. They’re stupid things; things that don’t even mean anything to me. I mean, seriously – you can eat all my cookies if you want. You can eat my chocolate too. Heck, turn my bedroom into your private zoo! Besides, I live along a load of monkeys already. I’m sure a few more won’t do much difference. Please Connor, do whatever you like. Just don’t leave, okay? Don’t leave me. maybe explain who the monkeys are in her life...?

You’re my brother – but you’re also my best friend. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you’re gone. I’m sitting here and I’m writing this but I really don’t know. Nothing comes to mind. Seriously, it’s hard enough when you weren’t with us that time in Spain. There was nobody in the pool for me to hang out with. I just... swam. There was no fun. I missed you so much. That was for a mere two weeks. Actually, it wasn’t even that. i had trouble understanding the last sentence.

So tell me, Connor. What am I going to do? When you’re off, fighting a war, where am I? What am I meant to do? Do I sit at home and wait? Do I get on with my life? I won’t be doing either and you know full well that I won’t. I have a future too. I need to prepare for it. I’m going to constantly be distracted. I’m going to dread that phone call that tells me my brother’s been shot. Every single day of my god-damned life. this part spoke to me but the part saying "call that tells me my brother's been shot" it seemed like you were implying that he did die. unless he did?

I’m not going to tell you not to go, Connor. I can’t. It’s been your dream for so long now. I have no right to tell you that you can’t go and achieve that. I have no right to ask you to stay, even if I want you to. Every time I think of saying those words, I stop myself. Do you know why? It’s because, every time, I wonder how I would feel, if you would ask me to give up on my dream. I couldn’t do that, Connor. I love you, dude. But a dream’s a dream. There is no way you’re making me give up on that. And that’s why I’m not going to ask you.

Do you remember a few years back? I was moaning about how I thought I was ugly and guys didn’t look at me. You said that I was obviously looking for the wrong guys. Do you remember, Connor? I went to school happy that day. You made me grin from ear to ear. You’re great like that – you always know the right thing to say. It’s why you’re so much better at worming yourself out of trouble than I am. Then again, they never expect it from me, do they?

I hate you, you know. Well, obviously, that’s a lie. I don’t hate you. But what I do hate? I hated the fact that I have to live up to your standard. You’re so clever, even without trying. Teachers loved you. You have so many friends. You’re great at sports. You’re good at singing. You can flash a smile and someone melts. I’ve seen it. I can’t do any of that, Connor. It makes me feel small because everyone expects it from me. They expect me to get higher grades than you, because I try. Sure, teachers love me. I don’t have friends though. How many times have I ended up hurt? I’m awful at sports. You’ve seen me run. Singing? How many times have you told me to shut up because I sounds like a cat squealing? If I smile, someone asks what the heck is wrong with the freak. hmm, did he die? because this is written in past tense like, "loved."

You’re amazing. Everyone loves you. Everyone wants you as their best friend. But you’re my best friend, Connor, do you hear me? Nobody can ever take you away from me. I won’t ever allow that. I think everyone knows it too. You don’t see that though, do you? You don’t see your feeble little sister craving your attention, or trying to get everyone to get off her back. I protect you all the time. I protect you from who I am.

I know you think I’m a freak. Everyone does. You hear my laugh and you tell me to shut up. I embarrass you in front of your friends. It’s only because I wish I was you. Everyone loves you. You’re a clown. They laugh at you for the right reasons. They laugh at me because I’m weird. So I do what I do best and agree.

Despite the amount of things that I hate about you, I love you so much. I know you won’t listen to me. I know you won’t even bother with this letter, even if I were to give it to you. What I’m trying to say, Connor, is that even if I hate you, I prefer living in your live shadow than your dead one. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Ever.

Love from,

Your feeble little sister,

Cat xx

Very good, a little rough around the edges as you mentioned, but very good and heart felt. It shows what you feel without being hidden. Very clearly stated.

What I’m trying to say, Connor, is that even if I hate you, I prefer living in your live shadow than your dead one.

I really like that part. You are a talented writer, even if it was rough.

The only issue I found was that you continuously said his name. When you are actually talking or writing to someone, you would never repeat their name so many times. I think it would be less clunking without the repetition.

Besides that, I really did enjoy this. Very heartfelt. I can definitely relate - I've had so many friends join the military. One of my old friends was killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan less than a year ago. It's been difficult.

Cheers,
Lena

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

PaperNessa: I'm about to go back and edit the things you've mentioned now. As for the part about the 'loved' - it's because he isn't there anymore, so they don't know him. I'll make it clearer

lifetimewriter: Thank you very much

Lena: Thanks for picking that up. I guess it was because I was writing it as though I was speaking to him and when I speak, I tend to say somebody's name. Thanks though.

I think this is fantastic! I always wanted a big brother to be my best friend and look out for me, so I feel like I kind of get what this character is feeling
This piece was really written from the heart, I can tell.