Another day (working title...)

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1170
Reviews 8
(I wrote this quite quickly so I know it needs work, anyway, general thoughts?)

And now the night has fallen clear,
So clear in fact dawn’s nearly here.
And after dawn the day will come,
Then afternoon will soon be done.
And then the evening unfolds,
And up in space the moon beholds...
On empty blackened cloudless skies
And quiet streets and fireflies.
And yet again I can’t decide
To view with peacefulness or spite?
The loneliness the night with bring?
Or beauty of the gentle gleam...
Of warming stars that shine a promise...
That somewhere magic’s waiting for us?
An eerie ghostly ‘reverie’...
Or ghosts of long passed memory?
It’s when the dark comes setting in
That pulsing longing does begin.
For something once within your being,
Tangible? Or just a feeling?
The blissful ignorance of youth?
The blistering agony of truth...
Who said that truth would set you free?
Perhaps whoever said time heals...
Nostalgia... must now suffice,
Placebo for reliving life.
Until one day we reach our “goal”
And then we find that we are old.
Now elderly yet baby once,
And on to toddler we advance,
Ascertain the power of speech,
Calibrate our arms and feet.
Education’s echelons,
Birds and bees, cats and toms.
Look for love, work for living,
Save for life, save for wedding.
And then the evening unfolds,
And in the sky the moon beholds.
And darkness falls...another day.
And lilies lie were voices pray.
And yet again I can’t decide...
To view with peacefulness or spite?
Last edited by SazzaMulgazza on Wed Jan 05, 2011 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1573
Reviews 96
I thought this was really good,
this was my favourite part
SazzaMulgazza wrote:And then the evening unfolds,
And up in space the moon beholds...
On empty blackened cloudless skies
And quiet streets and fireflies.

you can really get a feel of the surroundings and situation :)
"The rabbit always squeals in the jaws of the fox, but when has another rabbit ever rushed up to save it?" Damon Salvatore
;'( please, my lump, he just needs HUGS <3
Need a review? Just ask :)
Just keep writing, just keep writing, do-do-do-do-do




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1170
Reviews 8
Thanks! I was a little worried that the imagery of fireflies at night was a little overused but it seemed to fit in nicely. I guess I kind of thought using cliches worked with what I was trying to do.



Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
— Noam Chomsky