I Am An Optimistic Pessimist (and Vice Versa)

This poem actually feels so messed up for me. o.o Please tell me what you think.
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Imagery, huh?
When it comes to stories, I’m not good at description.
And yet, when it comes to poems, I’m not good at imagery!
Darn it. Yes. Darn it, I say.

But here, I try…again.

There are a lot of ways failure can feel.
It can feel like a mirror shattering in front of you
Crashing on you, piercing your eyes, making you blind
You start to crawl on the ground,
And the shards of glass keep on hurting your hands.

How can you stand up feeling like this?
Blood drips from your fingertips as you try.
And when you look up,
The ceiling feels like it’s gonna fall over you
Smashing your face, breaking your skull, making you stunned

Then, you wake up
And feel your body totally destroyed, ruined,
Like there is no longer a healthy bone inside
You look around you
And see a total wreck
You smell rust and feel like fainting again

But you have to admit
That when you look up again
You see a clear blue sky,
Filled with clouds that look like cotton
You feel the breeze gently touch your face
It feels like heaven, doesn’t it?

You see,
All of this pain is just an illusion,
An illusion that you created yourself,
Because you are a self-pitying pessimist
Here, let me slap you.

There.
Now it comes to realization
That I was only talking to myself,
Showing me that I am also an optimist
Let’s now end all of this exaggeration.
Go click the ‘Submit’ button
And simply try again.

Ehmmmm..... That was impressive I must say I enjoyed reading through the poem your use of description was quite good.
But, there still much you can do with this idea of yours it can be a much longer and interesting poem, like for example your transition between reality and illusion was rather too sharp and not poetic enough the use of 'But, you have to admite' doesn't fit properly.
Anyway mayb its just me, but in general you did a nice job

Hey,

I'm going to use my analogy of scaled. A perfect poem is perfectly balanced between description and emotion, this, is completely stilted. It feels like you've tried excessivly hard to get as much description in as possible and lapsed over the emotion part.

How can you stand up feeling like this?
Blood drips from your fingertips as you try.
And, when you look up,
The ceiling feels like it’s gonna fall over you
Smashing your face, breaking your skull, making you stunned

Here for example. Superb imagery, but no emotion. You say feel like this, but you don't say like what. The ceiling feels like it's going to fall, but you don't said if they are scared or anything. Obviously they would be but as the poet it's you job to tell us that they are, if you know what I mean.

My other critic is that I could not see how the title links back in. It was a good title and a good piece but they didn't seem to work together.

However, I did enjoy reading it, and It had exteme potential. It also was a very good idea and you're naturally skilled with description.

Keep it up and PM for anything!

~Retro Disco666

There's a song that I know called "For a Pessimist I'm pretty optimisic" and that's what drew me to your poem.
And I think you're REALLY wrong, by the way! You're GOOD with imagery!

But, you have to admit
That when you look up again
You see a clear blue sky,
Filled with clouds that look like cotton
You feel the breeze gently touch your face
It feels like heaven, doesn’t it?

See? This is good imagery. But wouldn't it have looked better if you'd used less "you," and less rhetorical questions, even if you did put that in on purpose? Because if you do that, in my opinion it looks as though you're trying to TELL the reader your poem, rather than just letting it all flow out.

It needs to be said;
That looking up again
There is a clear blue sky
Filled with clouds that look like cotton
And the breeze is gentle
So that it feels like heaven

What I've written isn't so great, but I'm just trying to give you different writing ideas
So. i like your poem, and I like the imagery. I'm just not so keen on the way you've written this as a poem.
I bet that this would make a good creative paragraph; if you wrote it again in that way? xxx

Thanks for all the reviews! I'm not really a poem writer and I was just merely 'trying again'. I'm glad that I got the imagery part quite right. About the emotion and the other things, I'll definitely apply these things the next time I'm gonna write a poem. xD I'll keep on learning.