The Ghost Blogs (Chapter 1, part 1 of 2)

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(The story of a girl who killed herself and then decided to blog about it.

shortened for your convenience)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I killed myself. I did not do it because I was troubled, or because I wanted to stop living. My family was average. I was not abused. I was not bored. I was not bullied. I just felt like it. I just wanted to know what it felt like to shoot yourself in the head.

I don’t think I’m really sorry for what I did. I did not want to die, nor did I not want to die. I just wanted to know. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Of course, you don’t get brought back after putting a bullet through the roof of your mouth. You know, if I was able to be brought back I think I’d try a bullet to the temple next time. Too bad you can only die once. That does suck pretty hard, ya know?

Anyway, so I am dead now. Death is interesting, more interesting than life, really. Did you know that when you are dead you can haunt places? Did you know that if you work really hard you can choose where you haunt? Did you know if you try really, really hard you can even manipulate worldly objects?

That’s how you are reading this! Yup, I’m a ghost, and I’m typing up a story. Go figure, right? It is very interesting. Anyway, I live, well, I can’t live; so let’s say “I death”. I death in a library with another ghost. He lost his name a long time ago. He was a young soldier in the Civil War. He was brought to the makeshift hospital (which is the building next door) but died before they could do too much to him. After he died his body was brought to this location, which back then was a mortuary. His soul has stayed on this ground ever since.

According to him, he was not strong enough to pick a new place to haunt until after the mortuary was torn down to build a library. By the time he was strong enough, the library had already been built, and he had become addicted to reading.

The story doesn’t seem that crazy; I mean, that’s how I’m here. I picked a college library in the middle of the Bible Belt, far away from the life I’d known. It’s really not fun watching your friends and relatives grow old. On the other hand, it also kind of sucks watching living kids get a college education. But then again, in the long run, though, I think I am better off.

I can spend all day reading the books in the library, and in the evening I can watch the movies the library has bought to keep the students happy, or browse the internet. I mean, it has been a really long time since I died. It was 2009, and now it is 2109. I’m still happily able to keep up with current events. I always loved the internet. It’s really cool to be able to communicate with people over e-mail and stuff. None of my online friends back then even knew I died, only my real life friends. None of the online friends I have now realize that I am dead either. It is really a lot of fun!

The best part is that I don’t have to share with Billy Bob (that is what I call the ghost I death with). He thinks that computers are haunted (let that sink in a moment, and please, feel free to laugh. I know that I do). It was nearly impossible to get him to sit down and watch movies with me, but now he is addicted! It’s really pretty funny. Eventually I will get him to learn to use a computer. After all, we have eternity together.

I like where I death now. It is a cute little campus. There is even a couple of Civil War graveyards around that I go to visit every so often. Yes, ghosts can visit places. Even when I was alive people thought that ghosts were bound to certain places, but that’s not true. The thing is that not all ghosts are willing to haunt other places except around their decomposing bodies, or where they died, or where they lived, or where they were mortally wounded. I think most living people are about the same. No one really likes change, after all.

The ghosts in the graveyard are a nice bunch. They’re really old fashioned though. They all call me Katie, so does Billy Bob for that matter. I know that’s not the name I had in life. I could go check my grave if I really wanted to. I actually did last year, but then I forgot again. My name really isn’t that important. Here’s a fact for you: all ghosts know where their bodies are, no matter what. They may be able to run all over, but all ghosts know where their bodies are buried, where they died, and the places they lived. The Livings may change everything around. They may even move our bodies, but we will always know. We will know the original spot, and the new spot.

We know everything! Well, not really, I was just teasing. But we do keep up with our bodies!

Back on topic: the graveyard ghosts are nice, but segregated. I feel a bit bad for them. All of them are soldiers who died at the makeshift hospital, like Billy Bob (By the way, Billy Bob’s body is in another state. His family came and claimed him before the locals could bury him in one of the soldiers’ graves). The way the graves are set up is white men in front, black men in back. It really annoys me because they all died for the same plot of earth. Their skin color shouldn’t have mattered at that point. That’s The Livings for you, though! They are nice guys though, the ghosts in the cemetery, that is. They all get along really well now. An eternity of being stuck together can do that to you. Only a few of them have actually decided to go on to the Afterlife, so most of them are still hanging around.

Have I mentioned the Afterlife yet? Ghosts can go whenever we want. Of course, not everyone who dies becomes a ghost; only those who are really scared to die or who have a very dramatic event of a death are made ghosts. This means that no normal person becomes a ghost, only the weird people. You can also become a ghost if you really just want to know what it is like. Most of those people tend to go on to the Afterlife really quickly though. They tend to get bored.

It takes a lot of patience to be able to move outside of the areas where ghosts normally haunt, and it takes even more patience to manipulate worldly items. A lot of ghosts also get really lonely. It can be hard to not be able to communicate with people. If you died in a lonely place with no other ghosts around, then you will be lonely until you can learn to move someplace else.

I was lucky, even though I was stuck haunting my bedroom for a while, because there was another ghost there, the one who haunted my light fixture. He read me the riot act for killing myself, actually. Then he explained the rules of Ghostdom, or Ghosthood (whichever you prefer). These rules are basically everything I’ve told you so far, or will tell you in the future. One cool thing about Ghost rules is that, while they are not flexible, you can learn new ones. There isn’t any one ghost who knows all the rules. I think the light fixture ghost knew most of them, though!

He actually was pretty cool. His name was Bill, and he had chosen to haunt my lights (I actually had kind of figured out that he was there years before) because he thought it’d be fun. He never really told me too much about himself. He stuck around to keep me company until he was sure I knew how to get around, and how to move things. Then he moved on, and so did I. I do regret what my death did to my family. I tried to write them a note once, but they blamed it on my older brother and grounded him, saying the joke was not funny.

I actually was able to get a note to them eventually. I hid it in a shoebox of my stuff. I basically told my parents the truth, but in the form of a suicide note. Well, it was not really a suicide note. I just said that I was going to try something (AKA: killing myself, for those of you who are not paying attention), and if I did kill myself, they shouldn’t feel bad. I just wanted to know what would happen if I shot myself. It made my parents feel better I think; but they were very old by then. My brother was never able to get over it. He got drunk over it and ran his car into a tree. I visit him sometimes. He died near the Main Campus of the school I death at. He decided it would be fun to haunt their athletics department. He writes his own notes on all the coaches’ notes. Don’t tell anyone, but he is the reason their team is unstoppable this season.

You know what’s really cool about living on a college campus? Especially this one? All I have to do is attach my soul to a bus, and I don’t even have to worry about moving myself. It’s a pretty sweet deal. That way I can visit my brother, and then just hop the next bus home.

Oh, I was telling you about the Afterlife, wasn’t I? Looks like I really got off-track! Well, what I should tell you is that the Afterlife does have a heaven and hell system. If you are a ghost it is kind of like purgatory, or a second life, however you want to look at it. See, ghosts can choose to go to the Afterlife whenever they want, but if they have not fixed themselves up then they can still go to hell. I killed myself, and I am pretty sure that buys me a one-way ticket to hell; but maybe if I play Casper the Friendly Ghost and help people, then I might actually make it to heaven. I think.

Actually, I’m really only guessing about the Afterlife. We all know that ghosts can choose to go on whenever they wish; but otherwise we don’t know any more than most humans. A lot of ghosts still practice some form of religion. In many ways being dead isn’t that different from being alive, not for me anyway. For the ghosts who haunt graveyards, it is pretty different.

The soldiers in the nearby graveyards have chosen to stay there. Most of them are not willing to leave. Me? I roam all over, and they are more than happy to have me when I come around. I know they miss women a lot. I’ve told them that they could just go visit another graveyard. All of them have. I don’t think they feel right about it though. It just doesn’t seem right to them. Being stuck in one place doesn’t seem right to me. But hey, different strokes for different folks, right?

I don’t get too far off the campuses anymore though. When I am on the Main Campus I might go into the surrounding city, but not as often as I used to. Being around The Livings can be really depressing, and very lonely. Ghost cannot easily reveal themselves. You know ghost sightings? Well, they normally happen when the ghosts are either really emotional, or the humans really have their guard down. Being in a huge city no one lets their guard down; it’s always been that way, even when I was alive. Even when Billy Bob was alive. On the other hand, on a small secluded campus like this people often leave their guard down, so there are many more sightings.

Cities are just lonely places, for humans and ghosts. You’re surrounded by people, and you’re completely alone. No one pays attention to anyone else unless they have to, and then they do so with a lot of reluctance. If you force them to acknowledge you then they get really pissed off. If ghosts were to force people to try and acknowledge them, those people would probably call in an exorcist.

By the way, exorcisms don’t really work that often, not with peaceful ghosts. Exorcists may just calm an emotional ghost down, which makes the “strange occurrences” stop. Exorcists can not actually exorcise ghosts. No one and nothing can make a ghost go on to the Afterlife unless the ghost feels like it. Now demons are another story. If your house has a demon, calling an exorcist is a really great idea!

You probably don’t know if you have a demon in your house though. You’re more likely to be married to a demon and produce offspring than ever to know there’s a demon nearby. Really! A lot of demons will take human spouses and make children. Demons who live side by side with humans are not always evil. If the demon parent of a half-blood child is nice the child will probably turn out okay. If the demon parent is evil the children will either have birth defects or be evil themselves. Also, demons who haunt anything are always evil. You may not even know they’re there! Ghosts know though. We can see demons. Someone should really write a story about a ghost and an exorcist who team up to get rid of demons. The exorcist will do all the work, and the ghost will provide all the information! It’s brilliant!

Wow, I really go off on random tangents, don’t I? Oh well, that’s not important! You wouldn’t still be reading if you didn’t want to. I’m sure you find my tangents just adorable! Eh, probably not; but it doesn’t matter in the long run. I am in control of my story, not you. If you don’t like it then you can just go read some other ghost’s story! But there are not any other ghost stories like mine, am I right? I am? Well, then, shut up and keep reading!

(See next part)
Last edited by EAThomas on Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:52 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Hey EAThomas! (Cool name by the way)

At first glance all I can say is wow! This is one great idea you've got going! There are the few issues though. I'll run through them.

1) It is way, way, way to long. I noticed you haven't had a review yet and you posted it this morning. I've noticed that most writers on YWS don't bother to read something if it is to long. (I know because I'm one of them, but I did give yours a go!)

2) The way you write is good. You add humour
Yup, I’m a ghost, and I’m typing up a story. Go figure, right?


and simple sayings
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.


But you need to thing about how your setting your writing. I know you say the ghost is writing up a story but it seems to be more like a blog. Maybe you could set it up into paragraphs that depend on what day it is and then have a series of blogs.

3) DESCRIPTION!!! I know it can be hard to describe when your writing in 1st person, but you need to try! What is the ghost like (we don't find out if it is a boy or girl until quite a few paragraphs down), we know how she died but what did it feel like? Was she nervous? Where did she do it?
And what about this other ghost, Billy Bob? He sounds so interesting and funny. Make sure that comes across.

4) The ending. To be quite honest, it's a bit ubrupt. It ends to quickly. But I'm not going to sit here and spell it out for you. I'm sure you will think of something!

That's all from me! Bet your quite glad. Hehe! I hope I don't sound to harsh but these comments in the reviews you recieve will help you to develop as a writer.
Listen to me, I sound like some excpert!! (I think I spelt that wrong)

I'm going to follow and I hope you put a re-write up or at least carry on with this idea. Shadow.




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Okay this is funny and interesting small issues though I listed them below
1- TOOOO long I considered NOT reading it when I saw the length but I thought okay dont be lazy Nate you read a 700 page Harry Potter novel just last month and finished it in a bout 2 weeks so I read it and loved it.
2 A tiny tiny bit more detail just to paint a clearer mental image
3 Add some more history like a few story's of places the ghost girl has been too in the past like maybe she went all the way to Washington DC in 2056 or some other year




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I really like how you add the humor to the story, most people think ghosts are always sad and sometimes evil. The only thing that's missing is that you don't describe the ghosts at all, it would be better if we knew how they looked like
There is no good and evil, there's just perspective




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Welcome to YWS, EAThomas! I'm ultraviolet, your reviewer for the day.

First of all, love the title. It mixed two elements your don't normally see together, which tends to be a plus. Actually, it reminded me of a horror movie title (not any one in particular), which is probably why I clicked on this. Either way, you got me here, so good job.

I killed myself. I did not do it because I was troubled, or because I wanted to stop living. My family was average. I was not abused. I was not bored. I was not bullied. I just felt like it. I just wanted to know what it felt like to shoot yourself in the head.


I love this opening line. It both hooks us and tells us a great deal about the MC, her lifestyle (even just saying it was average gives us a good idea), and introduces a unique point of view. So good job there.

I don’t think I’m really sorry for what I did. I did not want to die, nor did I not want to die. I just wanted to know. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Of course, you don’t get brought back after putting a bullet through the roof of your mouth. You know, if I was able to be brought back I think I’d try a bullet to the temple next time. Too bad you can only die once. That does suck pretty hard, ya know?


The bold part is where your writing goes from different, almost eloquent, to more laid back, like any person out there. I kept reading, but if you had started with it like that, I probably wouldn't've. Two things about that I want to point out:

One, she's one hundred and X years old. She lives in a college campus, visits a graveyard full of soldiers, and roams to who knows else where. The times are also changed. I'd like to see her with more mature, or at least less our-time speech patterned writing. If she had been holed up in her room the entire time, sure, let her talk like that, but the unique voice you brought in at the beginning is slowly fading to what teens today sound like.

Two, okay, I can't tell you what style to write in or what your characters voice is. This is your story, and if you like it, then that's all that matters. But my second point is that you tend to switch between the two voices without much of a buffer sometimes. It's jarring. You need to make sure that your characters voice is consistent. And yes, it could work to have both, but you'd need smoother transitions. Which brings me to my next thing.

Oh, I was telling you about the Afterlife, wasn’t I? Looks like I really got off-track!


Interruptions like this are also jarring. Sure, go on your tangents, but don't make a big deal about it. Just find the smoothest transition back into your original topic and go with it. We'll go along. It's when you openly announce that you're getting off track that we start to think that maybe this isn't a novel, maybe this person isn't a professional, maybe she can't stay on topic (even if she doesn't, but it seems like you do if you tie it all together) so what's the rest of the book going to be like? The way you get off topic isn't bad, in fact, I like it, but when you remind me that you're not as good a storyteller as I think you are, then I start to doubt.

Oh, I was telling you about the Afterlife, wasn’t I? Looks like I really got off-track!


I'm going to use the same quote for a different point.

You use way too many exclamation points. Exclamation points can be helpful when used right, but they just draw the reader away when there's too many. And like with this quote, most of them aren't necessary. Try taking it away. Not only does it flow smoother, but the talk sound more natural. Right now this sentence sound stiff and rehearsed, or at least a little fake. Go through and take out most of these marks, and your writing will thank you. And yes, you can keep a couple, but even one or two in a few chapters (unless they're really long chapters) can be pushing it unless they're needed or they go with what you're writing (which right now, they're not).

Wow, I really go off on random tangents, don’t I? Oh well, that’s not important! You wouldn’t still be reading if you didn’t want to. I’m sure you find my tangents just adorable! Eh, probably not; but it doesn’t matter in the long run. I am in control of my story, not you. If you don’t like it then you can just go read some other ghost’s story! But there are not any other ghost stories like mine, am I right? I am? Well, then, shut up and keep reading!


Point 1: Four exclamation points. The one after "adorable," okay, it works. The others, not so much. I know that if you just take them away, the writing will seem negative and offensive, but rewrite the paragraph, don't rely on punctuation.

Point 2: I don't like this. Not only are you breaking the fourth wall in an extreme way (breaking the fourth wall is when the narrator directly addresses the audience, which is generally frowned upon except in certain situations. In earlier parts of this, it works 'cause it's a blog, but here it doesn't), but you're giving the reader a reason to put your book down, to go do something else. Don't do that. Sure, this gives your character some attitude, but we already have attitude. I'd suggest taking this out.

My last point of the review is, put this in blog format. It'll seem more realistic, and we'll know what time of day it is, what day, the weather, and then we'll envision your MC sitting somewhere writing this. It'll make it so much more real. But, we'll be able to see time jumps.

Sorry if I've been bit harsh. I do like this. I just really think you could improve it more. But even as is, *likes*.

loveness, ultraviolet <3
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

~asofterworld.com




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First off, I LOVED this piece! Your narrator, in 1st person, is wonderful! I at first didn't like how you just started off by simply stating and telling the facts to us, but after a while I got the hang of it.

Do you know who your narrator reminds me of? Maximum Ride, with her little sarcastic, funny comments. I loved them! Even if they DO break up whatever wording and description you have happening at the time, it's very enjoyable and amusing to the reader. Well, at least I think so. =)

This is a very interesting situation, and the fact that I like ghost stories made me click on this novel part and want to read it. Personally, I didn't find it too long. I like long chapters, but maybe this one IS a bit long, considering it's only PaRT of a chapter. Maybe can you divide this somehow?

anyways, I loved it! Your descriptions were great, but another thought is that maybe you want to add bits of them into the story and the plot to inform the reader slowly, not all at once as you have done here.

=) I hope I helped! Much love to you and your novel! Keep writing!!!! <3
http://www.ellecamino.blogspot.com << this is my blog =)

If the person you are talking to doesn't
appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a
small piece of fluff in his ear.” -Winnie the Pooh




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This verrrryyyyy creative. I don't think anyone else would have thought of this. I like the humor and how she gets side tracked so easily. It actually seems pretty realistic. I'm not good with grammar or anything so I'll leave that to other reviewers. Good job and keep writing.



Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
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