Ode to the Summer Sun

Spoiler

With studying I have no time to work on my novel, so here's another poetry quick-write. Feel free to boo and hiss at this pathetic piece, as I spent virtually no time on it. Heck, I don't even know what an "ode" is, so...tear it apart.

I lay upon your asphalt back,
Heated by your sunshine breath
As I dream of things that only you
Could conjure in my mind.

I surrendered my sneakers to your grass
But being bare foot’s fine with me;
Come back, and I’ll forgive you
No matter how long you will leave.

Your soft blue eye stares down at me,
Your golden smile the only one in my favor.
It’s complicated, but then your windy hand
Sweeps back my hair to meet your warmth.

You span the river each night and cross it back each day,
And each time shatter colored glass in your fast escape,
Scarring the sky a thousand colors
While I wait patiently, because I understand.

Well I’ll confess that sometimes I wonder
If you’ll be back again to meet me.
But I know you will, we’re longtime friends -
I was born in your hands, and raised in them too.

I learn everything from the time I learn beneath you;
You tell me without words the magic of the forest trees,
The perfection of a summer day and loneliness of its night.
But don’t worry, I’ll hang on ‘til then.

I’ll be here, speckled by the shade of trees,
Creating a wildflower wreath in my hands
And listening to music as I close my eyes, pretend to dance.
This is where I know you’ll meet me.

So I’ll be here still…dreaming…

its a good one but the ending was not convincing....
The end could have been more interesting....
Ode is a type of lyrical verse. It is an elaborately structured poem praising or glorifying an event or individual, describing nature intellectually rather than emotionally.
And if it took no time to write as you said then it is a really good piece.... Nice depth and flow...
Keep up the good work...

Ah, you really shouldn't title your piece as an ode without researching! That's like calling a twenty line poem a Haiku just because you think the name sounds cool...

With that aside though, I'll pretend it's called something else and review accordingly ^^ You've got quite a pretty poem here, some nice images and a very sweet and cheerful tone, but I find it a little too stiff and informative in places.

I lay upon your asphalt back,
Heated by your sunshine breath
As I dream of things that only you
Could conjure in my mind. [I like the first stanza, nothing to complain about here. It's breezy, it's visual; all very nice.]

I surrendered my sneakers to your grass
But being bare foot’s fine with me; [Hmm. I think this could be a little smoother. Surrendering the sneakers suggests it should be and instead of but since they were given of free will but if you were to say the grass stole your sneakers, then the but would work better.]
Come back, and I’ll forgive you
No matter how long you will leave. [These two lines don't fit with the earlier two, I think you need to lead into the theme of going away a little more slowly. Maybe have something like:
You're here but sometimes there's a cloud
that slips between your fingers, falls on me, chills my blood.
You'll leave again, you're always leaving; fleeting, flawed.
But come back and I'll forgive you. Always.
Of course it's your poem so you can spend more time thinking up good lines ]

Your soft blue eye stares down at me,
Your golden smile the only one in my favor. [Mmm golden sile is too unoriginal. Maybe 'gap-toothed smile' would be more clever since when you're under trees, you feel the sun's rays but they're all split up because some are blocked and so it feels like there's gaps in the sun...]
It’s complicated, but then your windy hand
Sweeps back my hair to meet your warmth.

You span the river each night and cross it back each day,
And each time shatter colored glass in your fast escape,
Scarring the sky a thousand colors
While I wait patiently, because I understand. [I'd love to see more imagery related to the glass and sunsets, I think there's potential to be really vivid and imaginative there.]

Well I’ll confess that sometimes I wonder
If you’ll be back again to meet me.
But I know you will, we’re longtime friends -
I was born in your hands, and raised in them too. [This is starting to get a little dull. There's not any real emotion or images in this stanza, just words.]

I learn everything from the time I learn beneath you;
You tell me without words the magic of the forest trees,
The perfection of a summer day and loneliness of its night.
But don’t worry, I’ll hang on ‘til then. [Again, just words and a few vague imaged being thrown out there now.]

I’ll be here, speckled by the shade of trees, [Better.]
Creating a wildflower wreath in my hands
And listening to music as I close my eyes, pretend to dance.
This is where I know you’ll meet me.

So I’ll be here still…dreaming…

Alright so I quite like the ending but you lost it in the middle there and got a little dull. In general, I've enjoyed the read though. It's a nice, summery poem and I think with a little work it could be quite a winning verse. Not an ode though, not unless you change a few things anyway. Good luck with the edits!

Heather xxx

I just wanted to say this was beautiful and I really liked it! Kitty15 pretty much got all the nitpicks

Well I’ll confess that sometimes I wonder Take off the "well". It would sound better.
If you’ll be back again to meet me.
But I know you will, we’re longtime friends -
I was born in your hands, and raised in them too.

This stanza was rather boring compared to some of your much more imaginative stanzas.

Overall I liked this and if you worked on those few nitpicks it would be awesome.

I liked this alot, it was beautiful and well structure and yeah, just an enjoyable piece overall.
It kept me reading till the end as it kept me captured in its simple imagery, yet it was also powerful.
Truly beautiful.
I especially liked:

Well I’ll confess that sometimes I wonder
If you’ll be back again to meet me.
But I know you will, we’re longtime friends -
I was born in your hands, and raised in them too.

It was strong. Really made me think.
Well done!

I thought this one was kind of interesting, the way you used a rhythm, but never rhymed. I thought it was beautiful, and I loved it.

I think you could work on the flow just a little, though. What I said about the rhythms: Stick to it! there are some lines that are randomly very very long. I experienced something interesting when I read those lines; I had to read them three or so times before they made sense to me because they didn't follow the rest of it!