The Spirit and the Fool

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The Spirit and the Fool

There was once a man, as men there tend to be, and this man was walking, as these men often do. To where exactly he was walking, no one is quite sure, when he happened across an amazing treasure. How amazing it was, though, he had no idea. In fact, he was quite unaware it was treasure at all. This amazing treasure appeared to the man like an ordinary book, aside from its rather unordinary circumstance of lying on the ground. The man approached the book, looked around for who might have dropped it, and upon seeing no one, picked up the book.
Your Story it read on the cover.
Intrigued, the man opened the book and was disappointed to find only empty pages.
Suddenly, a spirit leapt out of the book and into the air. The man dropped the book and fell to the ground. He was afraid, until the Spirit spoke.
“Do not be afraid,” said the Spirit.
“Who are you?” asked the man.
“I am the Spirit of this book. Who are you?”
“I am just a man.”
“Well since you are the owner of this book, I am your Spirit.”
“This book is not mine,” said the man, still in a fright.
“Yes it is; it says so right here,” answered the Spirit, pointing at the cover.
“I’m very sorry,” said the man. “I just want to be on my way.”
“You are on your way,” countered the Spirit.
“So shall I just leave you?” the man asked, very confused
“Tell me what you want,” commanded the Spirit. “Unless your greatest wish is to be on your way.”
“You are a spirit who grants wishes?” asked the man.
“Only one,” answered the Spirit.
The man thought quickly.
“Can I ask for more wishes?” the man asked timidly.
“I can only grant one of them,” answered the Spirit. “If your wish is to have infinite wishes that I cannot grant, go on and ask for them.”
Flustered, the man responded. “You have appeared so suddenly and I have had no time to think. Must I answer right now?”
“You need not think,” answered the Spirit. “You need only to wish.”
The man thought for a few moments, and finally, came to a daring idea.
“Very well. My wish…Is that you will appear to me after one year’s time for me to complete my wish.”
The Spirit considered the man’s clever ploy. After quite some time, the Spirit spoke.
“After one year’s time,” was all the Spirit replied, and suddenly vanished in a trail of light.
The man was quite astonished, and also quite pleased with himself for cleverly buying more time to consider his wish. He looked at the ground, and found that the book was no longer anywhere in sight.
After a deep breath, the man dusted off his clothes and continued on his way.
The man arrived home that evening. He skipped supper and went right to bed, but he couldn’t sleep. He could only think of his strange encounter with the Spirit, and his wish.

One year passed, but the man hardly noticed. He had carefully thought about his wish many times, but had never decided on what wish he would make.
He was preparing his breakfast, unaware that this particular day was the anniversary of the Spirit’s visit, and suddenly, he turned away from his boiling oats and the Spirit was before him, in his very kitchen.
“Tell me what you want,” commanded the spirit.
The man was startled.
“Has it been one year already?” he asked.
“Yes. What is your wish?”
The man blurted out “I want to complete my wish after breakfast!”
The Spirit stared, frustrated. “Eat your oats,” he said dryly. “After you finish your oats, you must make your wish.”
The man began eating his oats in his kitchen while the Spirit watched, arms folded. He still was not sure what to wish for. He considered wishing for money, but he was a clever man, and he decided he could become rich on his own. He considered wishing for a beautiful wife, but he fancied himself a handsome and charming man, and decided he could find a beautiful wife easily enough. He considered wishing to become the king, but he realized everyone always seems to be angry at the king. He was completely dumbfounded. He couldn’t seem to find the perfect wish and time was running out. In fact, he only had one more bite of oats!
Then the man had yet another clever idea. He was afraid the Spirit would be angry, but he was desperate.
He looked down at the last bite of oats. And then he looked up at the Spirit. He looked down at the oats again, and then he sat back in his chair.
“Are you finished?” asked the Spirit.
“No. Indeed I am not,” said the man. He left the bowl on the kitchen table and got up.
“You said once I finish my oats, I must make my wish,” said the man. “Well, when I finish them, I will make my wish.”
The Spirit realized he should have chosen his words more carefully. He let out a boisterous roar, which shook the man’s house, and was gone again in a trail of light.

After many years passed, the man had grown old, and the bowl still sat on the kitchen table. The man had never touched it. He left it there while he decided on his wish.
The man was not rich, and he was not married.
One morning, the man wobbled into the kitchen, using his cane, as was his custom these days, and began to fetch his breakfast.
“I think I’ll drink some tea today,” said the man. “Just what an old man needs.”
He filled a teapot with water and placed in on the stove. He decided he would need sugar to add to his tea and he opened the cabinet, but the sugar was on a shelf he could no longer reach. The years had thinned his bones and shrunken his muscles.
He tried to reach his arm up, but his shoulder was too stiff, and tried to stand up tall, but his back was slumped over.
He moved a stool under the cabinet and slowly, crept on to it with one foot, then the other. He reached his arm up for the sugar, but promptly lost his balance and tumbled backwards onto the floor.
He felt several cracks in his back, as well as his wrist and his hip. The man cried out. He felt the pain all the way from his neck down to his big toe. He thought he might be paralyzed, but he found he could move his arms.
It was at this time the man decided he would finish his oats.
He needed to crawl about three feet to the table. He rolled over onto his stomach, feeling like broken glass had replaced his tailbone. He pushed with his arms on the floor, and moved several inches, but pain shot up from his thumb to his right ear. He dragged himself inch by inch, closer to the table. Sweat seeped into his eyes as his back felt like it was on fire.
He finally reached the legs of the table. He reached his left arm up, once again, this time straining for the edge of the table. He reached the table with his fingertips, but could not feel the bowl. He switched arms, this time with his broken wrist grasping for the bowl, and with one last effort, he pushed with his good arm the last few inches. He grasped the lip of the bowl, feeling the scrape of bones grinding against each other in his broken wrist, and collapsed to the ground once more, careful to cradle the bowl against his body. The spoon flipped out of the bowl and landed next to him.
The man peered into the bowl at the last bite of oatmeal. The years gone by had crusted the oats together and hardened them like a stone. Black fuzzy mold covered the surface of the entire bowl. He used his finger to scrape away several flies which had gotten stuck in the goop and died. He picked up the spoon and began using it like a chisel, chipping away at the oats. He banged harder and harder but the oats barely seemed softer than the bowl itself.
Finally, the lump came free of the bowl as one whole mass and clunked to the floor. The man picked it up with his good hand, used his shattered wrist to dust away some of the moldy growths which dotted the surface, and then put the oats in his mouth. They were as hard as a block of wood. He tried biting down several times but was afraid he would splinter his teeth. Many had chipped over the years on lesser hard substances than this. The man decided his only choice was to suck on the oats and let them moisten in his mouth.
After maybe an hour, what seemed like an agonizing eternity, laying on the kitchen floor, pain-lightning shooting throughout his body and filthy drool oozing down his throat, the man bit down on the oats and they gave way. He felt his teeth squish through some softer spots, severing a few maggots, he supposed, and chewed up the chunk of oats, trying not to gag.
When he had swallowed, he shouted out “I’m finished!”
The Spirit appeared suddenly before him, not a day older than the last visit. He peered pitifully down at the man.
“I wish,” the man uttered through fits of coughing and retching, “to be young again.”
The Spirit shook his head at the man, not in disagreement, but in disapproval and disappointment.
“As you wish,” said the Spirit, and was suddenly gone.
The man peered down at his arms, which now moved freely and without pain. His skin was thick and strong. He stood up quickly and easily, sturdy legs carried him now. He ran his fingers through thick hair on his head.
“Sweet youth, how lucky I am,” said the man. “How clever a young man am I. I will be rich one day. And I shall make such a handsome husband for some beautiful wife.”
Last edited by DanielRichard on Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"A story is a way to say something that can't be said any other way"
-Flannery O'Connor




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This isn't my best writing, but it's the only short story I've written that is short enough to post in a forum like this. It's not polished, but I recently finished it and would love to know if you liked it, hated it, if it bored you, confused you, etc. If you find errors, feel free to point them out, I'm eager to improve it any way I can, but I'm especially just concerned with the "readability" of it. Is it interesting?
"A story is a way to say something that can't be said any other way"
-Flannery O'Connor




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well I like it though, I was curious what the man would wish for, but i wish for you to continue it, because now I am curious why the Spirit disapproved it, maybe something bad happened. I liked the plot, just needs tweaks here and there. is he a lonely man? he seemed like a lonely man. no wife? no children? no work? hope to see more




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Spoiler
The thing is, the man put off making his wish for so long, that all he could wish for was to have his life back. If he had chosen a wish the first time around, "asked for help" you could say, then he could have lived a better life. He was stubborn and arrogant, and at the end he still thinks he will become rich and find a beautiful wife, even though he already had that chance once and never did any of that.
It's supposed to be a parable/fable about wasted opportunity, foolishness, and indecisiveness. I hope that's how it came across.
"A story is a way to say something that can't be said any other way"
-Flannery O'Connor




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This was very good!

It did keep me interested, and it did keep me guessing until the end. I thought it was interesting how he spent all of his life thinking of his wish and then used his wish to get his life back--I think it almost would've been more satisfying for there to be some sort of twist to the story. I think he got off rather easily, except for the Spirit's disapproval. In almost all wishing stories, if the wisher is stupid or cruel or arrogant, the Spirit twists the wish in some way to make it more like a curse. I think you might want to try it in this case, just so that the man doesn't get away with wasting his entire life and then getting it back.

Just a quick grammar comment: remember commas after the sentences in your quotations. "It will make a world of difference, and make your story much easier to read," she said. "Don't forget the punctuation marks at the end either."

All in all, great story! Thank you for sharing!




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Thanks for your input Kaitlin. I have been wondering about the ending. I might try out a few others and see if there isn't one I like better. Also, thanks for the reminder about punctuation. I got a bit sloppy. Glad you liked it though!
Cheers!
-DR
"A story is a way to say something that can't be said any other way"
-Flannery O'Connor




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To start out, it’s 3:20 in the morning, and I’m fairly tired fight now. That being said I was able to read your story, and it kept my attention for the entire time I was reading. The plot itself isn’t so uncommon, but I don’t feel like that was the point. The story had proper pacing, and I didn’t see any glaring grammatical errors. So let’s talk content:

I puzzled for a bit after reading about the title. Have you ever seen something and feel like you almost get the point… like you get a part of the point, but not all of it? Well that’s where I am now. This was clearly supposed to be some kind of parable, but I missed something. I see that the man was a fool; he spent so much time trying to think of a wish that he wasted his life. He wished for a do over, but it’s unlikely that he will become wealthy or find a beautiful wife because he didn’t do it the first time around.

I would have thought that the old man was supposedly smart until I remembered the title. The title made me look back and see: “The Spirit shook his head at the man, not in disagreement, but in disapproval and disappointment.” It made me think about what the man did do.

The more I think about it the more I think I get it. The spirit told the man not to think, just wish. The man should have just said what he wanted most, but in trying to pick the right wish he ended up wasting his wish. He probably had a great potential, and if he’d wished for his heart’s desire he could have done very well... but instead he wasted his wish.

I think I get it, but then I’m putting my own personal spin on it. I really do like this though, and I’ll probably be thinking about it for the next few days. The content is kind of subtly original. It creeps up on you. As you can tell by this review there’s an evolution on my understanding the more I write.

I like it.
Temp Avi, Temp Sig, Temp Profile... Better quality later.




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Hey there, thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked it!
This story actually began with a slightly different idea in mind, but morphed a bit as I wrote it. It's always a mystery how that happens.
Anyway, you took from it exactly what I would. He wasted his life the first time around, and when he wishes his life back, it appears he still hasn't learned anything.
Also, I hope the ending was as graphic and gross as I intended when I was writing it. No one has mentioned if they got chills or were affected at all by the description of his injuries, and eating the old oatmeal at the end.
Thanks for the input and as always, any suggestions are welcomed. Cheers!
-DR
"A story is a way to say something that can't be said any other way"
-Flannery O'Connor



You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling