here i am

mmm...mmm...mhm
mmm...mmm...mhm

here i am
bron through the saddness
and the pain
here i am
torn apart, ripping at the seems

just let me go, just let me go
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person...

i had my heart ripped out
and my mind shreaded into
a thousand peices
my mind filled with his lies
so i say...

just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person

trying to find away out of the dark
and nito the light i want to stop
i cry my nights away
i want to forget the horror

just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person

help me please
just let me run
im struggling
this all in need please
someone stop him

Okay, so first of all, I'm assuming these are lyrics, rather than lyric poetry?

Angelheart wrote:mmm...mmm...mhm
mmm...mmm...mhm I don't really think you need to write these in- if you're singing it, it's more like an instrument than a lyric.

here i am
born through the saddness
and the pain
here i am
torn apart, ripping at the seams

just let me go, just let me go
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person...

i had my heart ripped out
and my mind shredded into
a thousand pieces
my mind filled with his lies
so i say...
In the last stanza, you might try incorporating more original imagery- we've all seen this said before, and it's always refreshing to look at it in a different way.


just let me go just let me go
just let me? be here
you keep me here, so im here This line seems a bit redundant, and almost seems to contradict the last one.
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person

trying to find away out of the dark
and nito? the light i want to stop
i cry my nights away
i want to forget the horror It sounds like you're talking about a relationship, and unless there was physical abuse involved, I don't know if "horror" is an appropriate word in any situation.

just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person

help me please
just let me run
im struggling
this all in need please
someone stop him

Overall:

So, I would try to incorporate more originality, and definitely take a good look at the grammar and spelling. It might seem like a minor thing, but it's the first impression that someone takes away from your piece. Sometimes, grammar can be used to reflect certain tones or atmospheres on the piece, but I don't really think it was that functional in this one. The ending is strong, with a powerful statement, but unless I'm mistaken, it'd seemed like it was about a relationship, and that felt a little over the top to me. Just my opinion though. Seeing that these are lyrics, and it's a song, I would try to use more rhythmic tones, as it will allow the reader to kind of pick up on the melody, providing you do it well enough. It can be pretty difficult, but it's awesome when it's done.
Overall, nice write. Definitely a lot of emotion.

Well I think we all feel this and I am glad you wrote this because this is something I feel right now.

I think you need to put different stanzas because it confuses the reader. Where is the chorus? Where is the verse? It's hard to read as a song if you don't seperate them.

There also needs to be more imagery. Some of the poem needs more of it. Are you talking about a relationship? It seems as if something bad happened. Incorperate (sp?) it into the poem. Use imagery to make the reader feel like they know what happened.

This is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. It was very interesting.

Angelheart wrote:mmm...mmm...mhm
mmm...mmm...mhm

here i am good begining stanza
bron through the saddness
and the pain
here i am
torn apart, ripping at the seems

just let me go, just let me go
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person...

i had my heart ripped out
and my mind shreaded into I like this part
a thousand peices
my mind filled with his lies
so i say...

just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person

trying to find away out of the dark
and nito the light i want to stop
i cry my nights away
i want to forget the horror

just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person

help me please
just let me run
im struggling
this all in need please
someone stop him I like this last part

This sounds like a song to me. Keep writing!

A big repetitive. Also every song has a message, and I'm not sure what the message in this one is. It's all very scrambled. You need to make sure the listener or reader has enough information to relate to. Maybe I'm just not relating, but you need to ask yourself: Do you know what this song means? If you do, that's great, I'm pretty stupid. If you don't then you should fix it.

Also Saddness should be sadness.

the message is yes this song is about a realtionship and its was a bad one yes it abusive physical and mental but this song tell that story

ok so over all these are goo lyrics. but! if you want this to be about a bad relationship you need to make it a bit more clear. cause i was confused.

and i think that you should change it up a bit. it's kinda repetitive.

over all it's good.

also there is actually a forum specifically for song lyrics.

good job!

Persephoneia basically seemed to point out all of the errors i think that you could've used more sensory words to make the villain in this piece seem more a villain i don't really fell the character pain in this poem. It was a cute poem though.

to everyone reading this, it not about being a villan its about a girl being left hurt under her bfs fists. as i have been this is why i wrote this. not so everyone can say it sucks but cause it help me heal and not cut .

Really good,I love it,that's how I feel now.I think it's pretty good,it doesn't need many changes.

nito > into

I love the beginning:
here i am

keep up the good work

thank you i hope you arnt in the sisutation cause it never gets better or ends and it endsup nearly killing one of the two i should know i tried suicide 7 times and if u can walk away now no matter what your heart says