His Love For Lady Adrienne

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The soldier stands watching the waves,

Lash about the sharp, sharp stones,

Thinking of the battles long fought,

And her chilling moans.



One glorious day, so long ago,

Upon his stallion he rode, to a faraway land,

Not once did he thought, he’d meet,

The lass on whose fingers he’d put, a shiny wedding band.



The nights went on and the days passed by,

The warrior fought for his countrymen,

But he did make one forbidden mistake,

He fell in love with Adrienne.



Her beauty too serene,

A man could not help but be spellbound,

For once did soldier hold his breath,

The girl did leave him astound.



So young and so in love,

The country they would flee,

And defy the word of her reluctant father,

For the love that filled their hearts with glee.



So upon his steed they rode,

To the lands beyond the maps,

To a fate that he never wished for,

And would regret forever, perhaps.



For weeks did they travel, with footmen on their heels,

Her father’s soldier and his countrymen,

For they would never accept,

His love for Lady Adrienne.



The soldier fought with all his might,

And all the strength he had left,

His sword clashed and sparks did fly,

Not once was he of hope bereft.



He killed ‘em men with guilt in his heart,

Not bigger than his devotion,

But a man got hold of his lady-love,

His most valued possession.



“I’ll drive a knife through her heart,

And you’ll only watch her bleed.”

“Let go of her, let go of her.”

The worn out soldier cried and he did plead.



He couldn’t get to her,

As the man cut into her vein,

She lay there bleeding and moaning,

But the soldier felt the pain.



He ran to her and sat next to her,

She lay on a blood stained ground,

He so wished it was him instead,

His love for her was so profound.



She bled to death in a faraway land,

And he couldn’t help but cry to Heavens high above,

The image etched too deep in his heart,

Why didn’t the Lord spare his only love?



“She was loved and loved too dearly.”

“Aye, that she was.”

He stood next to her funeral pyre,

He hated himself for letting her into death’s perilous paws.



And now he stands atop a cliff,

After years of her death,

So many years spent without her,

She still catches his breath.



Oh his love will never die,

Even if death did them apart,

He will have her forever within,

His ever bleeding heart.

***




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I liked the poem although, I think there were a few things you could fix or whatever.
I think you should draw i the reader in more in the first stanza. Also I don't really understand the first stanza, the last line confuses me. Sorry if that's just me I am sometimes slow.
In the second stanza I don't think "thought" is the right word to use, think would be better in my opinion.
I like how you said "To a fate that he never wished for,And would regret forever, perhaps." it seems to me like foreshadowing (sorry if that wasn't what you were going for).
Other than that the poem was great.
Hope this helps!




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At first I wasn't really into the poem, but the more I read the more interested I was. It's good, but you might want to make the front a bit more interesting. Try to make it more... I don't know. Something that would make you want to read it. You might want to put a bit more action in it.

Other than that, I love the poem! It's great! Keep on writing!
“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world”

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”




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I'll have to agree with qt11596. When I read the first two stanzas I felt already bored with the poem. But then I kept reading and it got really good. There were only a couple of things I would have changed in the poem. The first is when you said

And now he stands atop a cliff,


When you said that did it indicate that he was going to jump off the cliff, because that's what it felt like when I read that part. The second thing is when you said

His ever bleeding heart.


After reading that I got the impression that his heart was literally bleeding because he jumped off the cliff. After reading it again I realized it wasn't in a literal sense. Maybe you should change that to his ever broken heart. Anyways it was a great poem and I loved reading it. Hope I could help.

-lilgreendots <3
Incarceron is a prison like no other
It gives life
It deals death

It Watches All

Incarceron
By: Catherine Fisher


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I love this poem! It really reminds me of the epic poems they used to tell waybackwhen, and I like how this really does tell a story.

Just a few quick points: "bloodstained" is one word, and I don't think it's necessary to have a comma after every line, just because they're still sentences, albeit broken up in different places, and you don't have that many commas in a sentence.

But excellent job--thanks for sharing!



I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart; I am, I am, I am.
— Sylvia Plath