Frigid Night

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*Edit* I updated this to take out the short repeated stanza, and incorperated some of it into a new full stanza.

Here is a poem I wrote several years ago, and actually didn't name until just today. I changed a couple things from what I had originally written, and thought I'd see what people think of it.
Constructive criticism is welcome.

Frigid Night
Matt Bilton
1/24/07

It’s cold outside, a frigid night.
The stars show off their brilliant light.
I look above and stand in awe
Of the beauty You have made.
I hardly notice frozen hands,
But gaze at stars numerous as sand,
And hope I don’t need to withdraw
And nature for house trade.

As shadows pass and winds cut deep
With chilling cold from head to feet,
I can’t explain, nevertheless,
The pleasure in my soul.
Although the bite from glacial air
Puts fleeing higher on my fare,
I shun this thought, yea I compesce
And linger on my stroll.

Out in the darkness I remain.
Clouds roll in and down pours rain.
The stars effulgent now obscured;
The moon by clouds concealed.
The dazzling heavens now eclipsed,
As lightning through this shroud now rips.
I know not, for this sight, a word;
Such artistry revealed.

I see the sun begin to rise.
I see the beauty of dawn skies.
The rain has since ceased its downpour.
The sky appears as fire.
The raging sun rises anew,
And showers warmth and light from You.
Reminding how much I adore,
I join the heavenly choir.
Last edited by Epidemic on Fri Dec 24, 2010 7:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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I like this poem very much! I thought that the repeated stanza was a little bit off-throwing, and so was the change of rhythm in the end.

Overall, very nice, and I like your themes and change of tone throughout. Very good! :D

Keep writing!




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I really like this poem, and I just have a few wee things to say!
Firstly;
Epidemic wrote:It’s cold outside#FF0000 ">, a frigid night.
I can be a bit of a comma freak!
Epidemic wrote:But gaze at stars numerous as sand,
This is probably my favourite line! I really love the imagery!
Epidemic wrote:And hope I don’t need to withdraw
And nature for house trade.

I'm not quite sure of the phrasing of this, I don't quite get what you're trying to say...

This is actually an amazing piece of poetry, one of the best I've read in a while!
"The last to be overcome is death, and the knowledge of life is the knowledge of death." - Edgar Cayce




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GreenEyes wrote:I really like this poem, and I just have a few wee things to say!
Firstly;
Epidemic wrote:It’s cold outside#FF0000 ">, a frigid night.
I can be a bit of a comma freak!
Epidemic wrote:But gaze at stars numerous as sand,
This is probably my favourite line! I really love the imagery!
Epidemic wrote:And hope I don’t need to withdraw
And nature for house trade.

I'm not quite sure of the phrasing of this, I don't quite get what you're trying to say...

This is actually an amazing piece of poetry, one of the best I've read in a while!


Thanks, the line you said you didn't understand is saying that I don't want to have to leave nature, and go back indoors; trading nature for house. The wording of it is strange i will admit that.




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how could you!! i was feeling nice and warm and then you went and wrote this so now i'm feeling cold! haha!

just kidding. but no really you did a good job making me feel like i was outside in the middle of winter. my only complaint is that now i have to go get a sweater! ;)

great job buddy!
The talent of an amazing writer, they can convey any emotion, make you feel thing's you've never felt, and help you understand that which you thought you never would.

"Not all who wander are lost."
Tolkien



something I have been thinking about ever since I saw the Super Mario Bros movie is how once I took a "what Nintendo character are you" quiz and I got Waluigi.
— Elinor