Inspiration where'd you go? *Edited*

Inspiration, where'd you go?
I thought that maybe you'd like to know-
I need your help, It's oh so bad.
This book I'm writing is pretty sad,
No one reads it, I 'gotta' go,
See you soon, I sure hope so!

Yeah, it's me, I know... I'm back!
I'm sitting here with my apple mac
This book I'm writing-well I'm crying!
Nothing I write is satisfying.
Reviews are scarce
and when they come
I feel as though my idea was dumb.
I'm giving up, there's no other way
I'll come back,maybe, another day.

kakagirl wrote:Inspiration, where'd you go?!
I thought that maybe, you'd like to know: (I'm adding a colon here because I think it reads better and looks better than the dots (...))
I'm dying!! I need your help and I need it bad. (When you write poetry, it's easiest to write it as if you're writing normal, and that includes proper grammar and punctuation.)
This book I'm writing, it's pretty sad.
No one reads it.. I gotta go..
See you soon, I sure hope so.. (I highlight all of these two lines because they confuse me a little bit. They don't seem to fit in with the rest of the stanza and even the rhythm seems a little forced)

Yep, it's me, I know, I'm back!
But now I really can't relax.
This book I'm writing, well, I'm crying!
Nothing I write is satisfying.
Reviews are scarce,
and when they come
They make my ideas all seem dumb.
Maybe my brain has finally gone numb.

This is a nice poem and it seems to me to be written a little haphazardly, which sometimes is good, sometimes not so good. But, in a sense, I think it also reflects how many writers feel when they can't find any inspiration, when their muse has refused to sing. We tend to get a little cranky, am I right? Hehe, anyways, nice poem, yes, and just remember punctuation and proper grammar. And anytime you put those dots, keep in mind it's supposed to be just three in a row (...) unless it's ending a complete sentence, then it's four (....).

Hello, Kaka.

Haha, I really like this one. I think every writer has those moments where this poem would fir it perfectly. Yeah, I hope to slap my muse a few times before he gets up and running again. I swear, I don't know how he got that much paid vacation time. I have to stop letting him off.

You seem to be confused on how many ellipses to put in your sentences. Three is the usual amout but the reviewer above me seems to know more about that. Never two, though, at least I can tell you that much. (: There are also a lot of minor mistakes but I suppose I can pass that off as you being excited ot maybe just rushed.

JUST A FUN POEM I WROTE A WHILE BACK AND DECIDED TO POST IT.ENJOY TO ALL THOSE WHO FEEL LIKE INSPIRATION HAS LEFT THEM.KAKA XXX

I know it's the end of the poem but all caps is sort of alarming I don't know if that's the correct word to decribe that. Alarming, meaning les majuscules sont exprimant l'accent trop. Yeah, that. Okay, well, that is all!

Au revoir!

HA.
This is good!
It sounds like you got your inspiration back... 'cos I like this
It made me smile.
and I don't know why...
x

Ahh thank you and yes this wasn't to show my amazing poetry skills it was just for fun. xD
I liked writing something really rythmeeeyy!
I appreciate your reveiws and ignore my bad skills as I said it was a spur of the moment poem!

Hey Kaka!

When I said I'd review, I had thought this to be some fiction piece, but then later it's a poem. *faints* Asking me for a review on it is like committing suicide, and I guess that's not good, now is it? Anyways, I'll try to leave something helpful behind.

I'm dying!! I need your help and I need it bad

Now I'd like to see some other word here other than 'bad' since the flow till now has been superb, and I won't like for it to be disturbed. So maybe make it 'now' so it sounds desperate. Anything but 'bad'. It just doesn't gel with the poem here.

This book I'm writing.. It's pretty sad,

Don't eat your apostrophe, Kaka!

Reviews are scarce
and when they come
They make my idea's all seem dumb
Maybe my brain's has finally gone numb

Aww, I love this part, and your ideas can't be dumb.

So reviewing this would mean like dishonoring the word 'inspiration' because this kind of piece is good for reading and actually sweet in itself and I don't think there's much you could change here since I like it the way it is. But don't go on my advice-you know I am hopeless. At poetry. lol.

I really liked the idea you had in there, and the way you made it seem like of our generation, with slang words and expressions we use in daily life, I think people can relate to it.

My review would be that if ever you get in more idea, you could maybe extend it since there's a lot of scope of growing its length and including more ideas. I am saying also because I believe that the place it ended at made it look rather...weird. The end was like unexpected and I was really craving in for more. I won't be able to suggest more, but maybe more of how you really need 'inspiration' can be helpful.

I *like* it.

P.S. I am better at reviewing fiction, seriously.

Good luck,
Shrubbery!

I felt the emotions you were trying to portray, and also the form was pretty good. (trying to sound professional ) All in all it was very good and i really liked it, you have gift at getting people to review your work and after that poem i have the urge to review all your work. You put me in a pickle -.-
Hm, people tend to do this when they review, o well.
~Liquid (or for Razhuni's case Quidditch)

Ouuu kay then people. Thank you so much for your reviews everyone! I'll try and come up with some more verses then! Thats a MIGHT!
Haha..
Glad you enjoyed it.

Alright I am going to give you a bunch of nitpicks.

Note: blue and bold means I added punctuation.

you wrote:Inspiration,<-space needed here->where'd you go?!
I thought that maybe, You don't need a comma here you'd like to know..
I'm dying!! I need your help and I need it bad
This book I'm writing.. Its pretty sad,
No one reads it.. I gotta go..
See you soon, I sure hope so..

Yep it's me, I know.. I'm back!
But now I really can't relax
This book I'm writing.. well I'm crying!
Nothing I write is satisfying.
Reviews are scarce,
and when they come
T Should be lowercase hey make my idea's all seem dumb.
Maybe my brain's has You don't need has because 'brain's' is the shortened form of 'brain has' so it is like you are saying: brain has has. finally gone numb

O.K. above you can see that some of your grammar wasn't consistent. You need to make sure before you start a poem if you are going to capitalize the beginning of all the lines or just the beginning of sentences. Other grammar things like that have to be consistent or it is very confusing for the reader. I also noticed that a lot of the times you used '..' a period or comma would have been more appropriate. I didn't point that out in the nitpicks if you agree with me you can go through it yourself.

Another thing:

you wrote:No one reads it.. I gotta go..
See you soon, I sure hope so..

Yep it's me, I know.. I'm back!
But now I really can't relax

This whole part just made the poem feel choppy. Almost like you couldn't think of another rhyming thing to say so you made a transition to start off fresh? This just makes it seem like your whole poem is being completely led by your rhyming scheme. It doesn't make for a very good poem. If there is any way around it I would take this part out.

Another thing about this is it leaves me wondering 'why did they have to go?' You never answer this question. In poems like this, ones that aren't too abstract, all the pieces should be tied back together by the end, all questions answered.

Your poem is almost completely being taken over by your rhyming scheme. I think this rhyme:

you wrote:This book I'm writing.. well I'm crying!
Nothing I write is satisfying

Is the best you have written, but most of the others are very forced. This makes the poem sound choppy and takes away the rhythm you were trying to create with the rhyming in the first place. There are so many other ways to create rhythm don't sacrifice your poem for rhyme. Also, to get the rhymes you often wrote things you wouldn't normally say like:

No one reads it.. I gotta go..

That shouldn't be all on one line, but you made it so because you needed or wanted that end rhyme. Rhymes should flow off the tongue. They should sound like you came up with them on the spot because they are so smooth.

One more thing about your rhyming, some of the lines didn't rhyme at all like 'back' and 'relax' I am not sure if you meant it to, but it is best to either rhyme everything or nothing. Though, in my rhyming poems I like to leave the last line un-rhyming to kind of give a bang.

Overall this poem as cute, short, and simple. It didn't give me imagery, feeling, or make me think in a new or different way, but that isn't what you were going for so it is well written.

I hope I didn't just ramble on,

A. S.

Hmm I know what you mean..

I really love this because even when you wonder where the inspiration is, it's still there!

Wow! That was really cool! I liked the rhyming, because I know they're not all supposed to rhyme, but to me it sounds like real poetry when it does! I think that's what all authors are thinking when they have Writer's Block! xD Keep up the good work!

Hello there. I just actually realized that your avatar is adorable lol.

Nitpicks:

I'm dying ~I need your help, Its oh so bad.

- That one actually looked weirdly punctuated xD. Anyway, 'Its' should be 'It's'.

They make my idea's all seem dumb

- Correction: 'ideas'


I was actually gonna comment on the 'double dots' but then, I thought that, maybe, it's just your style. Well, if you'd like to hear my thoughts on that. An ellipsis consists of three dots (...) and you don't space after them xD. Anyway, that was such a cool poem. I love the rhymes too. The poem was also realistic. XD There was actually no clear imagery, for me, but I don't care much about it when I read poems anyway, haha.

Keep it up!

hello! This was good. It was sweet, cute, and funny. The idea of it all hits home with a lot of writers I am sure. Your flow was nice and rhyme was constant. I do think that you could add a few more lines just to make it feel more complete. Great job though. I really enjoyed it.

Hey!
I enjoyed your poem very much and I thought that is was quite amusing.
I think that we all have had our fights with inspiration.
Me and Inspiration play hide and go seek every night in the shadows.
Again, I really liked it and I hope you will write more like this!