To Dream

Oh my, this must be one of the sappiest poems I've ever written, and I'm sort of ashamed of it. *hides* However, I do want to know whether it is tolerable, so please review, and butcher it as much as possible! Thank you!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I might close my eyes, just for a minute, to dream.

Perhaps I will close my eyes and dream in silence,
And alone...I might drag my fingers through grass,
and think how soft it is, just like your tangled hair.
I might kneel down to touch the ground and hear
the pounding on the earth; it sounds like you so.

Maybe then I'll close my eyes, and imagine you;
you beside me, grinning through squinted eyes.
Tugging gently at my hair, and touching me.
And then everything will be all right, yes,
And then I'll want to kiss you and stay there.

I'll close my eyes and see the red passion
The red passion slowly oozing from the sun.
I'll lie beside you, and never want to leave,
not until the last eight minutes have all passed.
And I'll close my eyes and face the dying sun...

I might close my eyes...just for a minute, to dream.

Perhaps I will close my eyes and dream in silence
and alone...I might drag my fingers through grass

and then I'll want to kiss you and stay there.

I'll close my eyes and see the red passion,
the red passion slowly oozing from the sun.

This is an interesting poem. You're definitely right about sappy. But it's also kind of nice... in its own way

Keep writing,
Alzora

delmarria wrote:I might close my eyes, just for a minute, to dream. Liking this opening line. Very subtle, yet it made me wonder what you're talking about. It makes me want to read the next line, and the next line, and the next line...

Perhaps I will close my eyes and dream in silence,
And alone...I might drag my fingers through grass,
and think how soft it is, just like your tangled hair.
I might kneel down to touch the ground and hear
the pounding on the earth; it sounds like you so. I'm trying to interpret those last two lines. In my mind, I think you're talking about someone who is noisy and messy and a little chaotic, but in a lovable way, am I right? Maybe that's why this poem has such a longing tone, like the narrator sees everything as being like this one person.

Maybe then I'll close my eyes, and imagine you;
you beside me, grinning through squinted eyes.
Tugging gently at my hair, and touching me.
And then everything will be all right, yes,
And then I'll want to kiss you and stay there. This stanza made me smile to myself. Reminds me of young love, hehe.

I'll close my eyes and see the red passion
The red passion slowly oozing from the sun.
I'll lie beside you, and never want to leave,
not until the last eight minutes have all passed.
And I'll close my eyes and face the dying sun... This stanza kind of stopped me for a moment. I love the imagery you used, especially with the red passion part.

I might close my eyes...just for a minute, to dream.

Yeah, this poem is sappy, and seems to be a little bit of the cliche love poem, but it's still nice and if you wrote this for anyone in particular you should give it to them. If not, then, well, just give it to yourself!

Thanks for reviewing, Justagirl and TheWalkinDude! Even though this was really sappy you managed to go through all its gunk...